Torrents of semen|UPROXX|

Morning Links

Nerd Crush Veronica Belmont Has A Surprise For Anyone Who Googles To See Her Naked |UPROXX|

Meet The Woman Responsible For Saturday Night Live’s Celebrity Host Photographs |

Will Ferrell & Jack Black making a movie about grown men who play tag |Film Drunk|

Baseball Comes Back To Fenway, David Ortiz Declares Boston “Our F**king City” |With Leather|

5 Classic Disney Games That Need To Be Remade (And 5 More That Absolutely Don’t) |Gamma Squad|

Listen To Kanye West’s Unreleased Demo Tape From Circa 2001 |Smoking Section|

NFL Superheroes, final round |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

Parks and Recreation and the Unsexiness of Quality and Consistency |Grantland|

8 Ordinary Things That Look Insanely Cool Under a Microscope |Cracked|

11 Types Of Women Dudes Should Avoid |HuffPost Comedy|

22 Broken Gifs That’ll Probably Make You Question Your Sanity |College Humor|

Donal Logue on Vikings, the Terriers movie, and being an out-of-work actor/janitor |AV Club|

Seriously, why do these stock photos exist? (24 Photos) |The Chive|

10 Of Morgan Freeman’s Most Inspirational Movie Speeches |Pajiba|

Reporter Covers Earthquake in Wedding Dress |Clip Nation|

The Hottest Daughters Of Ex-Pro Athletes |Giant Life|

The Kidification of DVD Covers from Movie Posters |Unreality|

Fox News Anchor Megyn Kelly Does a Little Eminem for You |Brobible|

Sketchy Andy’s World Record Highline |High Definite|

The Most Important People on the Internet |The Superficial|

Cinema’s Ten Most Haunted Towns |Film.com|

NOMINATE for Comments of the Week. FOLLOW Vince on Twitter.
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For those of you who haven’t been following along with our new UPROXX Video series, brought to us by the geniuses of 5 Second Films, please let me know what address I can send the flowers to, because I assume that you’ve been in a coma. However, if you haven’t been in a coma and just haven’t had time to watch these masterpieces yet, then I suggest you go here now and start watching all of them, and then memorize them and quote all of the jokes to your friends so they think you’re funny. That is, until one of them realizes you’re just ripping off someone else and you’re forever shunned.

Oh, but before you go, check out this week’s newest video, “Old Man Reports the News”. It tackles the very serious problem with the disconnect between the elderly and today’s Internet generation, and it reminds me that sending my grandparents that link to the World’s Most Annoying Homepage. Anyway, watch this video now because it’s great.

Read the rest of this entry »

Latest Uproxx Video from the 5-Second Films gang: “Backstory.”

MORNING LINKS
The Symmetrical Celebrities Project: Important Facial Research You Didn’t Know You Needed |UPROXX|

Here Is A Supercut Of Adele Saying ‘Fank You’ |Warming Glow|

Harrison Ford is joining Anchorman 2 |Film Drunk|

Everyone Needs To Pray That Kate Upton Just Started A New Meme |With Leather|

‘Tomorrowland’ Plot Details Explain What Hugh Laurie And George Clooney Are Up To |Gamma Squad|

Diddy, Mark Wahlberg & Ellen Play A Drinking Game On Live Television |Smoking Section|

Joe Flacco’s Big Day Out |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

7 Sentences that Sound Crazy but are Still Grammatical |Mental Floss|

The Cosby Show’s 12 Best Musical Moments |Vulture|

The Most Confusing Graffiti Of All Time |HuffPost Comedy|

If People Talked About Seinfeld Like They Talk About Girls |College Humor|

If Luke Skywalker Had a Computer |Clip Nation|

20 Hit Songs Meant For Other Singers |Giant Life|

8 TV Characters We Never Thought We’d Come To Love |Pajiba|

The 4 Hottest Christina Hendricks GIFs |Brobible|

Bill Clinton the Lady Killer |High Definite|

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In case you haven’t been paying attention to our brand new UPROXX Videos series – brought to us by the incredible geniuses behind 5 Second Films – you’ve been missing out on plenty. Most recently, they asked the important question: “What’s Your Twilight?” In that, a bunch of people, including that guy who writes here regularly and our buddy Joe “Joe” Sinclitico, telling us their favorite movies that are also horrible movies, AKA their Twilights.

However, one guy said that Big Trouble in Little China is his Twilight, and that had to have been an editing error, because that movie isn’t terrible. It’s 100% awesome and it holds up just fine. I’m 33-years old and I have an original Big Trouble in Little China movie poster hanging in my office. I also own the film on Blu-Ray and DVD because I refuse to get rid of the DVD unless someone who truly appreciates the movie wanted it. Egg Shen deserves that respect. I mean, comparing Big Trouble in Little China to Twilight? I’d rather you poop in my Six Demon Bag.

This week, the UPROXX Video gang brings us Charlie’s New Haircut, which is a haunting reminder of why guys should never change their hairstyles unless they have fauxhawks or emo bangs.

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What movie is your Twilight? That’s the question the 5-Second Films gang set out to answer with their latest Uproxx Video. As you can see, there’s a weird dude who looks like me whose Twilight is Freddy Got Fingered. Weird, right? And Frotcast favorite Joe Sinclitico, his Twilight is He-Man: Masters of the Universe. What’s yours? Hopefully not Twilight.

MORNING LINKS
A Guide to Recognizing Your Oscar-Winning Coke Wizards |Film Drunk|

It’s Conspiracy Time with Jason Dove |Frotcast|

Last reminder about Vince’s show… ok, maybe one more, but don’t forget to get your tickets. |Events|

Stone-Faced Russian World Traveler Takes The Most Gruff Selfies Ever |UPROXX|

Nick Offerman And Megan Mullally Performed ‘Smell Yo Dick’ By Riskay, Seem Like A Fun Couple |Warming Glow|

Here’s The Worst Hooters Robbery In History
|With Leather|

‘Injustice: Gods Among Us’ Makes With A Whole Bunch Of Superhero Fights |Gamma Squad|

The 20 Greatest Comeback Rap Songs |Smoking Section|

Lookin’ Good, Desmond Bryant |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

The 37 Sexiest Rashida Jones Photos of All Time |Ranker|

So you didn’t win your Oscar pool, take some FLBP as consolation |theChive|

9 Houses Built Just For Spite |Mental Floss|

The Oscars: Snubs & Surprises |Film.com|

Harvey Weinstein Hired an Obama Campaign Vet to Try to Get Silver Linings an Oscar |Vulture|

The 33 Best Oscar Reaction Shots |NextMovie|

Vintage Photobomb Will Creep You Out |HuffPost Comedy|

Anne Hathaway’s Nipples Didn’t Win An Award |IDLYITW|

Just How Old are the Actors Who Play High Schoolers? |College Humor|

The Grouchies Awards 2013! |Screen Junkies|

The Craziest Lil Wayne Rants |Giant Life|

Dear Comedy, Just So You Know, You Are Allowed To Apologize |Videogum|

13 Instances When It’s Perfectly Okay To Use The C-Word |Pajiba|

Gwyneth Paltrow Hangs Upside Down In Cocoons |The Superficial|

British Teens Attempt to Explain the NFL, and Something Has Been Lost in Translation |Brobible|

The Star Wars Family Tree |Unreality|

Miley Cyrus – Party In The U.S.A (Yeah Lamb Edition) |High Definite|

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FAN US on Facebook. SUBSCRIBE to the Frotcast.