In addition to screening in 3D, showings of the Robert Rodriguez-directed Spy Kids 4 will also be accompanied by scratch-and-sniff cards handed out to the audience, which the studio is calling “SPY KIDS 4, IN 4D AROMA-SCOPE,” because obviously, the fourth dimension is smell (SCIENTIFICALLY ACCURATE). Oh, and one of the scents on the scratch-and-sniff card is “a spy baby’s diapers.” Never hire a baby spy, dudes. I paid my friend’s kid a thousand dollars to infiltrate the Kremlin and I’d swear all he did was drool and poop himself.

“When it came time to do Spy Kids 4, I couldn’t just go back and do 3D like everybody else is now. I had to bring something extra,” Rodriguez told the AP.

“And so I revolutionized moviegoing with scratch and sniff cards. Some might say I turned 3D on its nose.”

“Just watching my own kids with interactive gaming, you ask them to watch a movie, it just feels so passive to them. I thought, this helps bridge the gap. It’s an interactive thing, almost like playing a game while you’re watching the movie.”

“I made a movie about spy babies and robot dogs, in 3D, with scratch and sniff cards. And if they’re still not paying attention, we’re going to hand out silly string so the kids can fight with it in the theater. Have fun, parents.”

In 1981, Waters released Polyester in “Odorama,” while the 2003 toon Rugrats Go Wild also used scented cards. One of the Rodriguez smells is a spy baby’s diapers. “Originally, we didn’t have any really rancid smells, but kids wanted something really stinky in there,” Rodriguez told AP. “It really doesn’t smell that bad. No one’s going to get sick in the theater.” [Deadline]

So instead of the gritty realism of the genuine article, we get yet another watered-down, slick, Hollywood take on baby poop? WHEN WILL YOU STOP RAPING MY CHILDHOOD, ROBERT RODRIGUEZ, WHEN?

The people behind the Michael Jackson movie This is It have always maintained that the movie would only have an oh-so-classy limited run of two weeks.  And if you believed that, punch yourself in the face for being a dipsh-t.  Turns out, before he died they re-recorded videos for “Thriller”, “Man in the Mirror”, and “Earth Song”, and of course you’ll be able to see those.  IN 3-D!  And possibly… 4-D!  That’s a lot of D!

The intention was to use the new videos as transitions into the performed versions of the songs, transitions that are a long way from the original. Choreographer/associate producer Travis Payne promises that the new “Thriller” is nothing like the boy on the date with the girl, while at the same time, “We didn’t touch what we considered the sacred inside of it.”

And while the new version of “Thriller” and the other songs will be screened with This Is It in plain old 3D next week, that’s not how they were intended to be seen, and that might not be the last we see of them either.

Ortega also revealed that there may be a 3D re-release of Michael Jackson’s This Is it later on, including the revamped music videos that were originally to be broadcast during the concerts in 3D. But that’s not nearly as elaborate as how the videos were originally intended to be shown. The plan was to have the audience members don 3D glasses in the middle of the concert, but it was going to be much more than just 3D screens in the corner. As Payne explained it to me, “We had 3D and also frontal elements and overhead elements that actually created a 4D environment that the audience was sitting in.” [CinemaBlend]

That’s right, they were sitting IN A TIME MACHINE!  We could watch the extinction of the dinosaurs, the Big Bang, or the Kennedy assassination, BUT F-CK IT, LET’S GO TO A MICHAEL JACKSON CONCERT.  Looks like I won’t be needing this anymore!  (*lights Intro to Physics book on fire*)