That poor kid on the left just happened to be walking by.

Since I don’t watch American Idol or keep track of the 15 shows on network TV dedicated to karaoke, I knew One Direction mainly as that group of hair-farming milk babies from a Drew Brees commercial. Well if they look like a parody of boy bands from 10 years ago, that’s because they were assembled by Simon Cowell, during the original UK version of X-Factor a few years back. And now, following in the illustrious footsteps of Hannah Montana, the Jonas Brothers, Justin Bieber, and Katy Perry, they’ll be getting the 3D concert movie treatment, courtesy of Sony/Tristar and Morgan Spurlock.

Wait, what? The Morgan Spurlock from Supersize Me? The Morgan Spurlock who just last year directed a documentary about out-of-control product placement? I don’t like to make a habit of calling guys sellouts, but this definitely seems like something that rhymes with schmelling schmout. From the press release:

Sony Pictures announced today that it’s making a 3D film showcasing London-based global music sensation One Direction. Acclaimed documentary filmmaker Morgan Spurlock (Super Size Me) will direct the film, which TriStar Pictures will release on August 30, 2013 (Labor Day weekend).

“This is an incredible opportunity and an amazing moment in time for the band,” said director/producer Spurlock.  “To capture this journey and share it with audiences around the world will be an epic undertaking that I am proud to be a part of.”

Simon Cowell noted: “I’m delighted we’re making this film and Morgan is the perfect person to give that access-all-areas, behind-the-scenes look into what it’s like to be One Direction today. What the band have achieved is incredible, they and their fans have made history around the world – this is for them.”

Jesus, get it together, Spurlock. The only way to redeem this project would be to get one of these booger-babies addicted to heroin or framed for a murder.

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The first 10 minutes of every J-Lo concert involves a pensive moment where she decides whether to sing as a python made of bedazzlement slowly curls its way around her neck.

Following in the footsteps of 3D concert pioneers The Jonas Brothers, Justin Bieber, and Katy Perry, Jennifer Lopez is planning her own 3D concert movie. Obviously, it’s a pretty big step for that chick from that Fiat commercial. Does Flo from Progressive get one of these next?

Lopez’s manager, Benny Medina, told Extra TV on Saturday that the pop singer is currently filming for a 3D concert film, which will focus on “the last few years in Jennifer’s life as she faced big changes.”

Following in the footsteps of Justin Bieber (Never Say Never) and Katy Perry (Part of Me), the film has the potential to earn box office gold with a 3D look at JLo’s sold-out tours with Enrique Iglesias, her two-season stint judging American Idol and — of course — tumultuous divorce from Marc Anthony, life with her four-year-old twins, and her young relationship with Casper Smart. Bieber’s 2011 3D film has grossed $98 million worldwide; Perry’s 3D documentary, which was only released last month, has already grossed more than $30 million worldwide.

Medina told Extra that JLo’s film will be called Dance Again, the title of her upbeat track with Pitbull and her world tour. According to her manager, the title reflects Lopez’s ability to get back up and “dance again” after life throws her curve balls. [THR]

I hope they explain how she manages to carry on in the face of being fabulously rich and famous and getting paid millions of dollars for doing almost nothing. She’s so, SO brave. What’s her secret? I absolutely must know. I bet it’s both inspiring and life affirming. In all honesty, and I’m not trying to be cute here, when I read this story, my first thought was “wait, Jennifer Lopez plays concerts?” I mean, I suppose I understood theoretically that concerts are the way someone like Jennifer Lopez makes a lot of her money, but thinking directly about a person choosing to go to a Jennifer Lopez concert… whoa, face melter.  The idea that enough people to sell out an auditorium are willing to pay 60 bucks to see J-Lo lip synch to crappy dance pop between pant suit changes is more baffling to me than dubstep and pro wrestling put together. I’m probably not the target audience for this film, I guess is what I’m saying.

photo credit: s_bukley / Shutterstock.com