"Look at the kitty over there, George, do you see the kitty? If you're a good boy you can go pet the kitty, George."

The ancient Mayans believed the world would end in 2012, as evidenced by the fact that the calendars they made 2000 years ago mysteriously stopped at 2012 (scientist call this “the mystery of holy crap my arm is tired”).  Adding credence to these apocalyptic rumors of late are mysterious bird mass bird deaths and Willow Smith’s burgeoning music career.  Still, only a child-like jackass would believe apocalypse rumors, which brings us to George Lucas.

Said Seth Rogen about a meeting he had with Spielberg and Lucas, according to WENN:

“George Lucas sits down and seriously proceeds to talk for around 25 minutes about how he thinks the world is gonna end in the year 2012, like, for real. He thinks it.
“He’s going on about the tectonic plates and all the time Spielberg is, like, rolling his eyes, like, ’My nerdy friend won’t shut up, I’m sorry…’”

Weird, that’s exactly how I always imagined their relationship.

“I first thought he (Lucas) was joking… and then I totally realized he was serious and then I started thinking, ’If you’re George Lucas and you actually think the world is gonna end in a year, there’s no way you haven’t built a spaceship for yourself… So I asked him… ’Can I have a seat on it?’
“He claimed he didn’t have a spaceship, but there’s no doubt there’s a Millennium Falcon in a garage somewhere with a pilot just waiting to go… It’s gonna be him and Steven Spielberg and I’ll be blown up like the rest of us.”

WENN is the most consistently and egregiously inaccurate news source on the internet second only to ContactMusic, but since this was only a means to make fun of George Lucas anyway, I’ll play along.  I think it says something about George Lucas that people imagine that the only person he’d allow in his apocalypse space pod is not a wife, not a concubine, not his children, but Steven Spielberg.  “I brought only my most important possessions — my best friend, a racecar bed, my erector set, and 27 cats, which, if we breed ‘em right, should feed us until we can reach Alpha Centauri.”

“How 2012 should’ve ended.”  It’s kind of spoilery, but it’s 2012 we’re talking here.  Is it just me, or does the Cusack guy’s voice sound like Marty McFly?

DAILY CIRCLE JERK LINKS

• Robopanda wants to impregnate your brain with some knowledge: 5 Facebook Rules to Live By. |Uproxx|
• Undercover Boss to go Wall Street.  This would be better if it was just about the contestants getting a really good ass kicking. |WarmingGlow|
• Wow.  Now you can toast your bread with the logo of your favorite team.  Or make the same things yourself using bug carcasses and rat droppings. |WithLeather|
• Pimp your ride with an iPad. I guess dork your ride would be more accurate.|SmokingSection|
• Three words: Homemade. Russian. Snowmobiles. |GammaSquad|
• Whiplash Hot Toys action figure from Iron Man 2.  Detachable parrot? |ComicsAlliance|
• Hot girls of the weather channel, I wrote a song for you.  “Sunshine on my Boner” it’s called. |Asylum|
• KittehRoulette is like chat roulette, but with more pussies. |Urlesque|
• Michael J. Fox discusses his Parkinson’s symptoms disappearing in the Himalayas, aka the Lost mountains.  |InsideTV|
• How to make a homemade light sabre. |G4|
• 8 UFC matchups that need to happen. |Fightlinker|
• Well that’s one way to do it.  Guy tries to gnaw off his own fingerprints. |FListed|
• 25 athlete mugshots. |HolyTaco|

BOOM.  Steven Hawking Photobomb, bitches.  via NextRound.

Frat Kitty passes out in the common area and gets chiefed. via

(This week’s Box-Office Wipe Up brought to you by Roland Emmerich’s evil twin, Rolando Emmerich.)

2012 made $65 million over the weekend, which isn’t surprising considering everyone knew about it.  Though it should be noted that Roland Emmerich’s last movie, The Day After Tomorrow, actually opened bigger at $68.7 million, and I don’t know think I know anyone who saw that movie. Also… aren’t they the same movie?  What’s going on here?

A Christmas Carol dropped only 25% since it’s opening last weekend, leading many to believe it will continue to play into actual Christmas and leaving little hope that Robert Zemeckis will ever abandon this ridiculous motion-capture experiment.  We get it, dude, you like computers.

Precious is tearing it up, thanks to Oprah’s Midas ham hands.  Either that or it’s doing well because the main character is so hot.  Seriously, do any of you have her number?  I want to get all up in her Shar Pei folds.  Just like I did with my Shar Pei.

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Opening this weekend:

2012 opens this weekend.  You know it, I know it, the kids in my rape van know it.  I’ve already featured the trailer, the disaster porn version of the trailer, the no-effects trailer, and my favorite, the Raising Arizona music trailer.  Anyway, it looks fun, and it’ll probably make a lot of money.  Other than that, you’ve got Pirate Radio, which has a great cast but also a guy walking into a lamp post in the trailer, Fantastic Mr. Fox opening in NY and LA, Black Dynamite playing a few more places, and probably some other stuff that I don’t want to look up because it’s Friday.  How about you just watch this awesome clip from Bad Lieutenant and we call it a week, shall we?

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Fall’s biggest comedy 2012 opens today, so it’s time for us all to care what Roland Emmerich thinks.  On that note, the man recently took time out from masturbating to tsunami footage, telling MTV that he’s planning for not one, but two Independence Day sequels.  To be titled “‘ID4-ever, Part I and II maybe?” I think he was joking, but on the other hand it’s Roland Emmerich.

“What we want to do in the next – it’s actually two movies – we want to do a bigger arc,” he explained. “‘Independence Day’ was always like the king who leads his troops into battle against an evil force, and that stays like that.”

Independence Day arc: Aliens land.  Aliens blow sh-t up.  WELCOME DA EARFF!  Humans blow up aliens.  So what might the “bigger arc” be?  Aliens land.  Aliens blow sh-t up. WELCOME DA EARFF! Humans blow up aliens.  …Pool party?  That’s how they’d do it on Entourage.