_{When love IS war, get it?? Let me know if I should slow down.}

Obsessed drilled the competition like your mom at a hobo sex party this weekend, grossing an estimated $28.5 million and leaving second place 17 Again ($11.665 mil) in the dust.  It got crappy reviews and didn’t screen for critics, but audiences were just so charmed by the complex storyline.  See, Stringer Bell knows a white woman and she wants to steal him from his wife, so they fight.  It’s like a Greek tragedy, really.  Except with black people.  (full top ten after the jump)

Oh hey look, I found the theme music.  Craig Robinson sings it at the 24-second mark.  Weird, they put it in the wrong movie.

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Leslie Mann (Apatow’s wife) went on Ellen the other day to promote 17 Again and told a story about how her co-star Zac Efron agreed to call her daughter Maude (her and her sister were the best part of Knocked Up) on her 10th birthday.  It’s as annoying as you might imagine a group of 10-year-old girls to be (God I hope I don’t have daughters), but she redeems herself seconds later when she knocks some little dude on his ass for no reason.  What’s he doing at a party with a bunch of screaming girls anyway? I can’t decide if he’s a little pimp or an Efron in training.  Depends on whether his last name has a hyphen, I think.

[via videogum]

Cut your GD hair! And pull up your GD pants!! And stop waxing your GD eyebrows!!!  (*aneurysm*)

WB reaped the rewards of having the balls to release a movie we’ve all already seen this week, as Zac Efron’s 17 Again topped the box office with $24 million.  I thought it’d be a Freaky Friday before a body-swap comedy topped the box office again, but you know what they say: Like Father Like Son.  Wait, did that last sentence make sense? Or Vice Versa?

Elsewhere, Crowe/Affleck joint State of Play locked up number two, Hannah Montana dropped to four, Crank High Voltage debuted a disappointing sixth with a take four million less than the original, I Love You, Man continued to earn in the ninth spot in its fifth week out, and Dragonball is a certified bomb, dropping out of the top ten in only its second week.  It looked so brilliant, I just don’t understand it.

Overall, revenue was up 17% and attendance up 16% over last year, despite the supposedly weak economy.  Thanks, Zac Efron, Miley Cyrus, and Vin Diesel!  I guess it’s true what they say: crap rules everything around me, dolla dolla bill, y’all.  (full top ten after the jump):

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Here’s Sexman’s review of Observe and Report, which opened last week. He more or less agreed with me.

Opening this week:
Anvil! The Story of Anvil - The heavy-metal, documentary version of The Wrestler opens in five more cities this week, now playing in Toronto, New York, Los Angeles, Irvine, Seattle, Cambridge (Mass.), and Montreal.  Their story is kind of like that clip of the old British lady your mom keeps emailing me, but more metal.

17 Again – Zac Efron and Matthew Perry star in a movie you’ve already seen if you’ve ever seen a movie. Check out Zac Efron on the Today Show. Really, Today Show?  You’re gonna let Zac Efron talk about this like it’s a serious movie?  Jesus.  He’s like a robot raised by publicists.

Crank High Voltage – I know it’s a deliberately ridiculous Jason Statham vehicle, but it just gives me a trying-too-hard vibe.  I’m all for something that’s actually outrageous, but it seems like every time something gets marketed as outrageous nowadays it just ends up pandering to half-retarded WWE fans.

State of Play - Hey, remember this movie?  Stars Ben Affleck, Russell Crowe, Helen Mirren, and Rachel McAdams?  Yeah, me neither. Doesn’t seem like they’re promoting it much.  Then again, it doesn’t look that interesting.

Also – Adventureland is still out, and worth seeing if you haven’t already.

I know Zac Efron (or “Ol’ Jazz Hands,” as I like to call him) is trying to butch up his image lately, but isn’t this new poster for 17 Again going a little overboard? I mean, a leather motorcycle jacket AND aviator sunglasses?  Why, he looks like he’s off to go drive an 18 wheeler, or chop down a tree, or get a tattoo of an anchor.