After Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull everyone was down on my main man, Harri-Fo. Not so fast suckers, because El Mayimbe (Spanish for “The Mayimbe”) broke the news today that Ford will return for Star Wars VII. What?! Shiver me timbers and call me Sally the Southern Biscuit, this news has the “Warsians” (why do they call themselves such a weird name?) all in a lather.

Slate has cautioned this might be false info, but they are correct about The Mayimbe’s general veracity. I drank once with that dude and he seemed pretty legit to me. He didn’t order a flavored vodka or anything like that.

There’s not much more to say other than to note that both R2-D2 and C-3PO passed on the project out of “respect for the original work” and “not wanting to be an easy target for South Park“.

Tag team, back again! The last time out Vince MANcini and I looked at the Sundanciest titles we could get our grubby little hands on. This time we’re weighing the pros and cons of the infamous Black List, a collection of the “most liked” screenplays that still seem to be struggling to find production budgets. Some of these projects are undoubtedly winners, while others could very well be turkeys. But who will sort through this quagmire? Are there even any real writer-men left to discuss this important issue, what in this economy?

There are, and you have found them. I present 20 Black Listed scripts for your consideration, as voted upon by 290 film executives, chosen at random to ensure that the most “buzzy” scripts weren’t the only ones getting love. You go cram it, buzz!

Since none of these movies have been made yet, we’ve chosen banner pictures by doing a shutterstock search for the title and choosing the best picture. For instance, the picture above came from “making a list” and the picture is called “journalist making an expression.” Now, let’s get it on …

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We only have time for one take … and THIS is that take!

There was a time, about eighteen months ago, when you couldn’t swing a cat without running into someone name-checking Malcolm Gladwell’s “Tipping Point” theory (believe me, I tried, the cat was not pleased). People loved that Gladwell riff, they loved it so much they actually sort of lurved it. Why? Well, it was an easy way for folks to discuss change, and why we rarely saw it coming. Which is why I’d posit that the current “normal” of Hollywood, releasing fantastically awful reboots and hyping terrifically terrible retreads, is all about to change. Red Dawn is that “tipping point,” heralding a bright new era of innovation, even as 2012′s version of Red Dawn is over there in the darkened corner, finger blasting various farm animals.

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It was definitely Professor Plum … but there isn’t a library? Hmmm.

Exposition. It’s the subtle act of informing an audience, critical because we’re all super busy folk with short attention spans. I know I am, sometimes I forget what I’m doing while I’m in the process of forgetting what I’m doing (Inception noise). So it makes perfect sense that a film, when erring on side of caution, would err toward a place that didn’t withhold information. But do you remember your great-aunt, the one who loaded up on bourbon at family gatherings and then told then same anecdote, over and over, and in the most pedestrian manner possible? The story likely involved buying your grandpa socks or some other such nonsense. Do you recall the liquor on her breath, her strangely strong arms pulling you closer, even as you attempted your escape? That’s Alex Cross, the movie, though we’re also going to have to get into Alex Cross, the poorly executed character, all in the name of critique (french for “Armond”).

The opening scene of Alex Cross has a crackerjack detective unit running down a bad guy. Oh yes, Alex Cross puts all of its cards right on the felt from the get-go, this is to be a movie that features transition scenes as if they were actual scenes. Alex Cross (Tyler Perry), Tommy (Edward Burns), and Monica (Rachel Cross) lead us through a series of shaky cam action, all culminating in the eventual bad guy being collared (as if he were greens). We have no idea who this bad guy is, why he was being chased, or what it meant to the department when they caught him. All of that would have required context, and Alex Cross has something else, something far more diabolical, to attempt. Instead of context, we’ll be getting a healthy diet of expository dialogue and scenes that go nowhere. Delightful!

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Bella! That tickles!!

We’re going to have fun, you and I, because we’re going to talk about all of your options for home video this week, which is a way better plan than simply talking about all of our problems instead (example: Windows 95 computer won’t boot, has really good photos of ex-girlfriend). Here’s a listing of your options for the week:

On DVD, Blu-ray, and/or Streaming
Avatar (3D Blu-ray + Blu-ray/ DVD Combo Pack)
A League of Their Own [Blu-ray]
Alcatraz: The Complete Series
Female Vampire (with Erotikill): Remastered Edition
Legendary Amazons
Mad Men: Season Five
Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted
Moonrise Kingdom
Neil Young Journeys
Rock of Ages
The Santa Clause 3-Movie Collection
That’s My Boy

I won’t front, that’s not exactly the ’27 Yankees of home video options. Some of these titles are likely to cause cancer, and some of other ones wear pink all the time to remind you to be aware of cancer. But there are a few gems, if you care to look a leeetle deeper.

So let’s get in there together, as a family, and get some!

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