If your kids ever want to watch a movie on Netflix called A Christmas Puppy, don’t let them. Not because it’s one of the most poorly made, low budget children’s movies of all time. Not because it has the intellectual nutritional equivalent of feeding their brains a bowl full of wet cardboard. And not even because, despite featuring an adorable puppy on the cover and having the word “puppy” right in the title, there is no puppy in the movie. Don’t let them watch it because it will put them a single click away from a small mountain of softcore gay porn.
All they’d have to do is click on the director, David DeCoteau, and holy lord, are their young eyes in for a surprise when it produces over a dozen results for movies with scantily clad twinks on the covers. You, as a parent, will be in for a series of childhood innocence-crushing questions. Questions like, “Daddy, what happened to those boys’ shirts?” and “Mommy, why are their nipples so shiny?”