Fast & Furious 6 opens this weekend. With a runtime of 130 minutes and Super Bowl commercials full of tanks and neck punches and cars driving out through the nose of exploding airplanes, it appears to be so huge and filled with big dumb action that it will make Pain & Gain look like Amour. I have never been more excited about anything in my entire life.
But how did we get here? How did a franchise that started over a decade ago with Paul Walker and Vin Diesel racing for pink slips turn into a series of globetrotting heists where everything anyone touches turns into a fireball you could see from space? And didn’t Han die a few movies ago? Is he a ghost?
Well, luckily, as one of the world’s foremost experts on the subject, I am here to explain all of that to you. Kind of. Mostly I am here to make stupid jokes. If you learn anything at all in the process, let’s just call that a bonus.