Fast & Furious 6 opens this weekend. With a runtime of 130 minutes and Super Bowl commercials full of tanks and neck punches and cars driving out through the nose of exploding airplanes, it appears to be so huge and filled with big dumb action that it will make Pain & Gain look like Amour. I have never been more excited about anything in my entire life.

But how did we get here? How did a franchise that started over a decade ago with Paul Walker and Vin Diesel racing for pink slips turn into a series of globetrotting heists where everything anyone touches turns into a fireball you could see from space? And didn’t Han die a few movies ago? Is he a ghost?

Well, luckily, as one of the world’s foremost experts on the subject, I am here to explain all of that to you. Kind of. Mostly I am here to make stupid jokes. If you learn anything at all in the process, let’s just call that a bonus.

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OKAY EVERYBODY SHUT UP BECAUSE I HAVE IMPORTANT NEWS: 1) RZA and Paul Walker are making a movie together titled Brick Mansions; 2) READ THESE SENTENCES.

The script sees Walker play an undercover cop who is tasked with going into a tenement named Brick Mansions in order to disarm a neutron bomb that is ticking down.

RZA will play the formidable drug warlord in the community who is in possession of the bomb.

The movie is currently shooting in Montreal.

Okay, a few things:

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The other day, Danger Guerrero asked if he could write about Space Jam. Thing about Danger is, it’s nearly impossible to keep him from writing about Space Jam. He’s a passionate man, and his number one passion is Space Jam. But there comes a day in every editor’s life when he learns to stop worrying and love childish nostalgia. – Vince

There are better movies than Space Jam. Lots of them. Hell, there are better movies within the genre of 90s kids’ sports films (The Sandlot, definitely; Little Big League, probably; the first two Mighty Ducks movies, maybe). But that does not change the fact that I love Space Jam like a loyal family pet, and that I will always stop to watch it — picking it up at any point — any time I see it pop up on cable. And so, please allow me to take this opportunity to explain to you why I love it.

You know what? I should do this as a list. People love lists. Especially when you’re talking about something from the 90s. Yeah, let’s do a list.

FIVE THINGS I LOVE ABOUT SPACE JAM

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This Sunday, April 7, marks the 20th anniversary of the theatrical release of The Sandlot. This is a little insane, in the way that the passage of time sneaking up on you and punching you in the nose is always a little insane. I mean, it makes sense (2013 – 1993 = 20), and it feels a little silly to sit here in awe of the fact that something that came out twenty years ago is in fact twenty years old, because, well, that’s how time works. But it’s still melting my brain a little bit right now.

I think the real reason it’s throwing me for a loop is less of the “UHMAGOD YOU GUYS WE ARE SO OLD REMEMBER SLAP BRACELETS?????” thing than it is the fact that the movie still holds up incredibly well today. Some of the movies that came out in the early-90s were very, very 90s, and the other kids’ baseball movies of the era — including The Sandlot, there were a total of four released in a 15 month span — hinged on some sort of gimmick. Rookie of the Year was about a 12-year-old who crunched his shoulder all goofy-like and became awesome at throwing fastballs, Angels in the Outfield was about angels literally helping the Tony Danza-led California Angels win baseball games, and Little Big League was about a 12-year-old who inherits the Minnesota Twins and installs himself as manager (which, for the record, is exactly the type of thing some snotty, rich 12-year-old would try to do in real life). But The Sandlot — thanks in part to being set in 1962, and thus avoiding the time capsule-like horror show of awful 90s fashion — manages to avoid these traps. At its core, it’s really just a movie about being a kid in the summer.

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Did you know there have been five Air Bud movies? Five. Two theatrical releases and three more direct-to-video sequels, with each film featuring Buddy playing a different sport (basketball, football, soccer, baseball, and volleyball, respectively). And that’s not even including the Air Buddies spinoffs, which feature Air Bud’s puppies doing things like celebrating various holidays and going to space, and are not about sports at all even though they could put all the puppies in little ice skates and make one called Air Buddies: Paw-er Play TOMORROW. Oh, also, the puppies can talk even though Air Bud couldn’t because whatever screw you you’re watching the ninth Air Bud movie so why don’t you settle down, Scorsese. It’s called artistic license. Geez.

It appears I have gotten off topic. Here’s what I’m getting at: How good would a dog actually be at the sports depicted in the five original movies? And can I formulate hard opinions on this even though I have only seen 20 minutes of the first one? Short answers: Not very, and of course. So please, join me below as I rank the Air Bud films from least to most plausible.

This is the stupidest thing I have ever done.

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