Between Marvel’s The Avengers doing naughty, naughty things to the box office record book and The Dark Knight Rises presumably set to do the same, it’s safe to say that Columbia Pictures is hoping that comic book movie enthusiasts are going to have enough gas in their tanks when The Amazing Spider-Man hits theaters on July 3. Or at least Columbia is hoping that the bitter after-taste left by the mess that was Spider-Man 3 isn’t still clouding moviegoer judgement.

Either way, if there’s one thing The Amazing Spider-Man has going for it, it’s that Emma Stone is playing the female lead instead of Kirsten Dunst this time around, and I’ll admit that’s a hell of a first step in making up for Emo Spidey. Needless to say, Stone and her on-screen and real life Peter Parker, Andrew “Scarfield” Garfield are making the promo rounds for the new Spidey, and they recently stopped by a German TV show.

And that’s it, that’s all I know about this adorable clip of Stone and Scarfield singing about Spider-Man in German. In related news, “99 Red Balloons” is still the greatest song ever written.

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Worse than a Dutch oven.

Between Madea’s Family Reunion, Madea Goes to Jail and Madea’s Big Happy Family, Tyler Perry has grossed roughly $207 million just at the box office. That doesn’t include his other dozen or so films that have all raised somewhere between $35 and $90 million each, but it’s all the reason he needs to unleash yet another tale of the tough-talking, cross-dressing grandmother. This time, though, Madea is helping her FBI agent nephew, who needs her to keep an eye on Eugene Levy’s family, as the mob is after them, hence Madea’s Witness Protection. Go ahead, camp out for your tickets now.

So why then is the mob about to taste Madea’s pain?

For years, George Needleman (Levy), the gentle CFO of a Wall Street investment bank, has been living with his head in the clouds. His frustrated second wife, Kate (Richards), has reached her limit taking care of his senile mother, Barbara (Roberts). His teenage daughter, Cindy (Danielle Campbell), is spoiled beyond hope and his seven-year-old son, Howie (Devan Leos), wishes his father were around more. But George is finally forced to wake up when he learns that his firm, Lockwise Industries, has been operating a mob-backed Ponzi scheme – and that he’s been set up as the fall guy.

Huh? Wha? How did I get out on this building’s ledge?

Facing criminal charges and death threats from the mob, George and his entire family are put under witness protection in the safest place that Brian (Perry), a federal prosecutor from Atlanta, can think of…

His Aunt Madea’s house down South.

*repeated record scratch*

As a result, Madea and her live-in brother, Uncle Joe (Perry), find themselves managing a completely dysfunctional family from Connecticut. But as George tries to solve the mystery behind Lockwise’s finances, Madea whips the Needlemans into shape using her hilarious brand of tough love. And together, they realize they just might have what it takes to unite George’s family, outsmart the mob and change everyone’s lives for the better.

What I have a problem with is the idea of the FBI leaving an important witness and his family in the hands of a convicted felon. This is how our justice system falls apart, damn it. But perhaps the brand new trailer can give us some insight into the hilarity of Perry’s latest trip to the ATM.

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"PAYCHECKS!"

Ever since Will Ferrell, er, Ron Burgundy confirmed on Conan that the Channel 4 News Team would once again assemble for a sequel, bros and dudes have been flashing back to 2004 with pure joy and excitement. Now that we also know that The Dictator – in theaters everywhere today – will feature the first Anchorman 2 teaser in the previews, we might as well just go ahead and open the floodgates and start repeating every classic line from the original film.

But wait – you may be wondering, “Will Anchorman 2 feature all the same hilarious vintage styles and costumes of the first film?” Worry not, ladies. Anchorman 2 has a new poster and the answer to your question is “Whale’s vagina jazz flute I pooped a squirrel hand grenade toilet store.”

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Brian DePalma has been pretty quiet since releasing The Black Dahlia in 2006, with his Iraq War protest film Redacted being his most recent work. But he’s returning with a heavy hitter this year in Passion, the remake of the 2010 French film Crime d’amour, starring Rachel McAdams and Noomi Rapace.

*takes out box of Kleenex, kicks out recliner*

All right, what’s this little gem all about now?

The offices of a prominent multinational corporation is the setting for this story of a power struggle between two contemporary women. Isabelle has unlimited admiration for her direct superior, Christine, a woman well-schooled in the ways of power. Christine enjoys holding sway over Isabelle, leads her one step at a time and ever more deeply into a game of seduction and manipulation, of dominance and servitude. The game is played for keeps, and there is no turning back. (Via Coming Soon)

McAdams plays Christine to Rapace’s Isabelle, and the former steals her subordinates ideas, leading Isabelle into a murderous rage or something like that. I’ll be honest, I fainted after “seduction and manipulation” and then my head exploded Scanners-style when I saw the movie’s poster.

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Marvel’s The Avengers became just the 12th movie in history to join the $1 billion club after another huge weekend at the box office, and I like to think that it was my $8.50 matinee that pushed Nick Fury and Co. over the top. And estimates suggest that by the end of the upcoming weekend, Avengers could be the 4th highest grossing movie of all-time, behind Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows Pt. 2, Titanic and Avatar. Then Joss Whedon will finally be able to afford that giant hat.

But for every dollar that this film earns, The Avengers’ resident billionaire, Tony Stark, gets a little wealthier. After the first Iron Man film’s success, Robert Downey, Jr. and his team of super financial experts worked a new deal with Marvel that has him pulling an estimated $50 million for The Avengers. At that point, I assume you just actually become Iron Man.

So are the other actors breaking the bank as well? Sure, but it’s a much, much smaller bank.

As Marvel launched other hero pics that would lead up to Avengers, the studio struck hard bargains. Two sources say Chris Hemsworth, Chris Evans, Jeremy Renner andMark Ruffalo all signed on for small upfront fees and ultimately will make about $2 million to $3 million on Avengers with bonuses. Samuel L. Jackson and Scarlett Johansson, who signed deals to pop up in several Marvel movies, are said to be making about twice that for Avengers with bonuses. (Via the Hollywood Reporter)

You’ve probably already read Vince’s favorable review of The Avengers (unless you skimmed it and just chose to think he hated it) but I actually wanted to offer my comic book enthusiast thoughts on the film after the jump (mild spoiler possibly).

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