The best Shutterstock could do for this one.

The other day on the Frotcast, we were discussing how when dudes are trying to look tough before fight, instead of lunging at a guy to get him to flinch, one guy should just drop trou and start taking a dump. Because nothing proves you’re not scared like being able to just take a dump. Well now it seems a Santa Cruz man tried to take our advice, but only got halfway there.

SANTA CRUZ – A 24-year-old Santa Cruz man was arrested Sunday after police got a call complaining that a drunken man was being disruptive and challenging people to fight, police said.

Lost Boys was set and filmed in Santa Cruz, so whenever it comes up, I imagine Greasy Sax Man and an awesome bonfire.

Officers arrived near West Cliff Drive and Pelton Avenue near Lighthouse Field about 1:45 p.m. and found that Dimitri Z. Storm had encountered an opponent who took him up on his challenge to fight, Sgt. Dave Perry said.

You didn’t believe me that this guy was a real-life member of the X-Men? His name is “Dmitri Storm.”

When the man didn’t back down, Storm dropped his pants, exposing himself, and then inserted a finger in his own rectum, Perry said.

I can only hope this was part of some elaborate, semi-convoluted insult, like, “I came here to fight tough dudes and finger my own asshole, and we’re all out of tough dudes!”

Police also found him with a small pair of brass knuckles and arrested him on suspicion of indecent exposure, with a prior, being drunk in public, fighting and possession of brass knuckles, records show. [SantaCruzSentinel]

My friends and I used to talk about lesser-known X-Men, like the mutant who had super strength, but only when standing in a puddle of his own piss, or the guy who could shape-shift every full moon, but only into a club sandwich. I like to imagine Dmitri Storm thought his own butthole worked like a magic hobbit ring, only to finally find out that one dude lied about being Gandalf.

Our friends at EverythingIsTerrible always dig up the best stuff (in fact, it was they who first introduced me to the Arnold in Rio video referenced in the previous post, something for which I can never repay them), and this latest video is no different. Nowadays, Kirk Cameron is known the world over as a Subway sandwich-loving evolution denier who can prove the existence of God using nothing but a banana and a tasteful sweater. But back when this video, “Sex, Lies, & the Truth,” produced by James Dobson’s Focus on the Family was made, he was just a fresh-faced young abstinence promoter, traveling the world in hip Birkenstocks and sinfully short shorts, trying to reach America’s at-risk youth. YOUR ATHLETIC THIGHS ARE LEADING ME UNTO TEMPTATION, KIRK CAMERON! Oh well, even Christian soldiers are allowed the occasional youthful indiscretion.

Let’s take a look at the video, which is fantastic.

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In honor of our

Our random number generator selected number 42, a comment belonging to Elderberry Hamster — (which, although not caption-contest-winner-worthy, was still a respectable level of funny).

Elderberry Hamster says: The only photo evidence from the Flock of Seagals first and only concert.

Meanwhile, here’s your winner of the caption contest:

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I must say, even in what is regularly the internet’s funniest comments section, this past week was a banner one in FilmDrunkardry. The explanation, once more for the noobs: we use the comments section of this post as a place to nominate your favorite comments throughout the week, from which I pick a winner every Sunday/Monday (you may want to bookmark it). I’m choosing blanks for a fresh batch of (IMPROVED) FilmDrunk shirts, so I should have shirts for the winners again in a few weeks. Okay, okay, enough foreplay, time to drop my panties.

I chose Michelle07 this week’s winner, because she’s always a refreshing glass of estrogen. From The Trailer for the Twilight Trailer:

Michelle07 says: My telepathic fetus needs to stop ordering more pitchers of margaritas!
*yells at fetus
I CAN’T MAKE A BROTHER FOR YOU YET, DING DONG!

That, and I just really enjoy the visual of her yelling at her unborn baby while she chugs margaritas. Now for the honorable mentions. First, the other Twilight comments:

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Showdown in Little Tokyo is not a good movie. It is poorly acted, poorly written, offensive, over the top in every way, and it features gratuitous amounts of nudity and violence. Showdown in Little Tokyo is an AMAZING movie. (Note: The above video is super-NSFW. SHHH! Don’t tell Youtube.)

The movie is centered around two mismatched cops, played by Dolph Lundgren and Brandon Lee, trying to take down a Japanese crime organization that is flooding the streets with high-quality methamphetamine. Now, at this point of these Scene Breakdowns, I usually try to give you some quick background info about the movie. Instead, I’d like to direct your attention to this passage from the film’s Wikipedia page, which is so wondrously written that it makes me question what I’m even doing here:

Los Angeles cop Chris Kenner (Dolph Lundgren) is an American who was raised in Japan. He is given a new partner, Johnny Murata (Brandon Lee), an American of partial Japanese descent.

Kenner does not appreciate American culture, while Johnny does not much like Japanese culture. One thing they both enjoy are the martial arts, of which they are both experts.

Yup, that about sums it up. Anyway, the scene I’m breaking down has it all: evil criminal bosses, implausible feats of strength, decapitation, neck-snapping, shameful Hollywood stereotypes, machine guns, attempted seppuku, nudity, and explosions. It is a true American treasure. Fun fact: This is the second straight movie I’ve selected to breakdown where the main character, without the aid of a ramp or trampoline, avoids being hit by an oncoming car by leaping straight up over it like that’s something people do.

I guess you could say I have a niche.

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