Dwayne The Rock Johnson appears to be taking the unprecedented step of trying to see whether he can star in almost nothing but terrible movies while still being adored by the general public for his charm, charisma, and eyebrows. In addition to doing a Hercules movie with shrimp-lover Brett Ratner, which he’s currently shooting, and an Earthquake movie with the director of Journey 2, The Hollywood Reporter now tells us that that he has signed up for ‘Seal Team 666.’ Yes, that is a real project.
SEAL TEAM 666. Oh please be about devil-worshiping seals….
Evan Spiliotopoulos, who penned MGM’s upcoming Johnson-starring action adventure movie Hercules, wrote the screenplay… Based on the book by Weston Ochse, the project follows an elite group of Navy Seals who battle demons and assorted threats and discover that there’s a greater supernatural force bent on destroying the world.
Well that certainly sounds like a film that will open in late January.
That book sounds like a writing achievement on the level of Death Bed: The Bed That Eats People and Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter in terms of being able to finish a tedious exposition of that which is already obvious from the title. This only proves that my unproduced, 1991 script for a risque oil spill thriller called Sexxon Valdeeez Nuts was just ahead of its time. (I did stipulate that the dongs be shown going in or else I wouldn’t sell).
I like to think Seal Team 666 is the prequel to The Horny Ghost of Osama Bin Laden.
From Amazon:
When an American diver goes in the search of the body of Osama bin Laden, he’s surprised to find not only the body,but also Bin Laden’s terrifying and horny ghost. Raped by the ghost and forced to sail to America, the duo arrive in Miami where Bin Laden is overwhelmed by the sexy American women. Discovering that his power increases by having sex with young women, Bin Laden sets out to get as many women as possible in effort to become the ultimate weapon of mass destruction. With the American government unable to stop him because weapons have no effect on his ghostly body, all hope seems lost. As politicians leave the White House to operate from top secret locations, Janet a young psychic, convinces the leaders to employ help from the ghosts of dead Americans to combat the most unimaginable terror ever unleashed on American soil. But as Bin Laden’s powers begin to grow, he sets out to take all that he sees. With the fate of the world in the hands of a sex-crazed terrorist. it’s up to an influential figure from our past to save America from this bleak, sexual future. An entertaining mix of horror and comedy, this thrilling novel keeps readers on the edge of their seats. Filled with twists and turns that will keep readers guessing until the final page, this exhilarating book takes terrorism to a whole new level.
Mmm-hmm.