And then the juiced up bouncer jacked him right in the face.

Opening Everywhere: 21 and Over, Jack the Giant Slayer, The Last Exorcist Part II

FilmDrunk Suggests: Haven’t you seen the commercials for 21 and Over? It looks hilaaaaaaaaaaarious. I mean, it’s totally going to be an accurate portrayal of college life that has never been told before. I, for one, can’t wait. I’m even bringing a bucket of ice, because I expect to laugh my dick off.

Oh Millicent Gergich, why are you hanging out with Dane Cook, Jr.?

21 and Over

Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 29% critics, 71% audience

Gratuitous Review Quotes

“Lucas and Moore don’t bother to come up with a single funny joke. Instead they apparently hope that combining racist and sexist insults with unfocused mayhem will be diversion enough.” – Elizabeth Weitzman, N.Y. Daily News

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone ralph in super-slo-mo while riding a mechanical bull before, so kudos for originality there, I guess.” – Kyle Smith, N.Y. Post

Armchair Analysis: I wish the writers at Jezebel would focus on stopping recycled movies like this from being made instead of blaming Justin Halpern for the lack of female writers on TV.

If I photoshopped Randy Couture’s face in this picture, would anyone notice?

Jack the Giant Slayer

Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 50% critics, 70% audience

Gratuitous Review Quotes

“Not awful, not wonderful, Jack the Giant Slayer is a midrange fairy tale epic that’s a lot more ho-hum than fee-fi-fo-fum.” – Peter Rainer, Christian Science Monitor

“Although it often feels there’s more of mechanics than the muse keeping Jack the Giant Slayer going, this sprightly fairy tale reworking is full of beans, smartly written and packs plenty of fun.” – Linda Barnard, Toronto Sun

Armchair Analysis: Okay, so I was all set to give this movie a chance, because it was directed by Bryan Singer and written by Christopher McQuarrie (among others). Plus, it stars Ewan McGregor and Nicholas Hoult, who has a bright future ahead of him. But then I caught that one stupid line in the TV commercial that has just been rattling around in my head like a BB in a tin can – “ARE YOU READY?” Can we please stop this? Stop using silly modern slang and catchphrases in fantasy movies, please. Thanks.

I forgot I made this. I love it.

The Last Exorcist Part II

Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 25% critics, 75% audience

Gratuitous Review Quotes

“A sure-handed sequel, but not a terribly thrilling one.” – My old college newspaper colleague William Goss, Film.com

Armchair Analysis: I’m not going to see this yet, because I want to wait for The Last Exorcist III: Seriously, This Is The Last One to come out next year so I can watch them in a row.