Hi, I’m the ship’s doctor, this is how we look and dress in the future
The second trailer for Star Trek Into Darkness just hit the web, and as I’ve said all along, letting JJ Abrams direct both Star Trek and Star Wars was a weird idea, like the same guy running both Coke and Pepsi, or having Mick Jagger sing for the Beatles. In this new trailer, it looks like Abrams just gets confused as to which one he’s making and films an homage to that Star Wars scene where the Millennium Falcon has to turn sideways to fit between the asteroids:
And then there’s an explosion montage and Alice Eve shows up in her underwear for some reason (not that I’m complaining), and it’s all pew pew guns tits ‘murica! USA! USA! USA! I enjoy it, but you’d think they could’ve included something for tha ladies. Like maybe Kirk sets his phasers to “disrobe” and he shoots Benedict Cumberbatch, and Cumberbatch is just standing there all sweaty and sexy and covered dirt and grime wearing nothing but his big cloth man panties or whatever British people wear down there. Are you guys writing this down?
Also, I don’t know why they bother sending out a spaceship to catch the bad guy when Robocop clearly works at Starfleet.
Listen to your friend Robocop, Captain Kirk. He’s a cool dude.
Opens May 17th.
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/257/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/richard-linklater-is-still-planning-to-make-a-dazed-and-confused-sequel-this-year-filmdrunk-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/Wolverine-Tripod-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/star-trek-into-darkness_alice-eve-bra-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/English-Teacher-150x150.jpg)
Dude, that’s totally Buckaroo Banzai. Cumberbatch doesn’t stand a chance.
Please let Cumberbatch be a Red Lectroid.
Maybe for Star Wars, JJ Abrams will put Jeff Goldblum in sheepskin chaps.
Also, totally NSFW, but this Alice Eve gif belongs in a museum. [009.omfgif.com]
Finally, something you and I can completely agree upon. They should have cast her as Harley Quinn in the recent Batman movies.
I want to make a gif of Indiana Jones fapping while saying that.
Brilliant. yes and fuck.
This gif is my version of “Alexander wept”.
Too big and round and flawless. Would not bang.
It should be the only thing to survive the nuclear apocalypse. And the aliens will get boners.
Put the harlem shake song behind it.
Jeez.
You are a great human being.
Got home from work and finally clicked on this, was worth the wait.
She’s out of my league :(
My eyes are all googly, now.
Thank you Vince. I want to cry tears of joy.
She seems nice.
Five minutes. I just spent 5 minutes in a trance and don’t regret it at all except for it feeling like 10 seconds.
Damn.
Die Hard era Alan Rickman > Benedict Cumberbatch
no
yes
Well thats not really fair, is it? Die Hard Alan Rickman,,,,,is frickin Alan Rickman.
the enterprise is like ‘murica in space I love it! Alice Eve looks really hot, fire, explosions, lasers and Cumberbatch getting caught (but it was all part of his plan) this movie is gonna be awesome! nerd boner achieved
Robocop’s degree in Antiquities can’t be serving him all that well in the distant future.
Possibly, but his abilities as a neurosurgeon and penchant for driving through solid matter in his custom built rocket car will serve him well.
Agreed. I’m just not that comfortable with a Terran Supremacist being in a role of clear authority at Starfleet.
BOOM. ST: Enterprise reference.
Here’s a simple logical question. At the end of this trailer a spacecraft crashes to earth and rips through skyscrapers as if they’re paper mache. This happens all the time in sci fi flicks. However, think about this spacecraft, and in particular those portions of which that are intended to land on other planets (like the lunar module) are generally made of thin light weight material. Basically aircraft/spacecraft designers use the lightest compounds which can withstand the heat/pressure/torque. Aluminum, thin hulls, etc., covered in a heat sheild for entry into an atmosphere. On the other hand, skyscrapers, such as those demolished in this and other films, are concrete and steel. Constructed to be heavy, rigid, and withstand all kinds of force, like hurricanes and earthquakes. Thus, Why the fuck could a spaceship just rip through a string of buildings, demolishing the buildings without much effect on the integrity of the vessel. Just sayin.
You also have to make spaceships to take laser fire, missiles, and other such things like that in this future. So it should be made with materials that allow it to be somewhat durable against those unlike the buildings.
It’s armored to take photon torpedoes, like a space tank!
Doesn’t it have something to do with speed and momenimum? Hence why Steven Segal can put his fist through 75 bricks anytime, anyplace. The bricks are harder than his flesh. Actually wait, NOTHING is harder than Segal.
There’s also the issue of out of control spaceships always slamming into downtown metropolises. Da Earf is 75% water and 24.995% land that isn’t the center of a huge city with skyscrapers.
Strangely, fully functional spaceships always seem to settle gently in BFE.
This is actually something that annoys me about the first Star Trek reboot film because I’m sad. Why does Kirk see a star ship being built in the middle of the desert? Why the hell aren’t they building it in space, as shown in other Star Trek films? How the hell did they get the hull up into space after they built it?
If it wasn’t for tis, I’d argue that the Enterprise is never meant to land anywhere, so they can bui;d it with whatever super dense stuff they want. But because they have to drag it into orbit…its probably made of greaseproof paper and carried in the wind.
If I had a spaceship I would call it the HMS Cunt Smasher and it would travel the stars enslaving confused natives.
This got a big laugh. I wrote a story about humans taking vacation on city-sized starships named after Conquistadors, travelling to alien planets just to fuck their shit up. Each starship had a standing army of a million angry Chinese combat troops just in case the indigenous races proved too resilient.
Can we get a Kickstarter going to adapt that to film?
Did they recreate the scene from Godfather 3 with shooting up the bigwigs around a penthouse conference table from a ship outside? Later in the movie I want Spock to shoot Cumberbatches while riding a space horse.
ZAZZO.
Godfather III is purty bad, but how about a scene where Cumberbatch stabs a guy in the neck with his own Google Vision glasses?
Also is JJ Abrams re-doing Godfather III?
I’m sorry but that Benedict Weezlefart guy just can’t look menacing to save his life.
His voice is all wrong. He sounds dubbed. It creeps me the fuck out.
I blame the pictures with him next to otters.
Watch the Sherlock series on PBS. He is the single greatest sociopath on TV.
@Underball
Glenn Beck said you can go gag on a dick.
I can’t on principle agree with Underball, but…Cumberbatch is underacting (just a trailer so…) and its not really natural sounding.
That’s precisely the reaction I would like to receive from Glenn Beck. oddly enough.
Thats an homage to the Millenium Falcon escaping the second death star. Ass.
Millennium. Now Im the ass. Ugh.
I actually thought about looking it up, but then I instantly got dandruff.
At least you know I read the article.
Also, I think after this movie they REALLY need to put a moratorium on the bad-guy-getting-caught-as-part-of-his-ridiculous-plan plot device.
Simpsons did it!
Ah, who am I kidding? I’m going to see the shit out of this movie.
It’ll be acceptable if they say, in the dialogue, that Cumberbatch’s character learned it from Moriarty BECAUSE THEY DID THAT EXACT PLOT DEVICE IN AN EPISODE OF SHERLOCK.
But yeah I actually got tix to an early release. That trailer looked awesome.
Alternate Titles:
Lethal Weapon – IN SPACE!
Die Hard – IN SPACE!
Mission: Impossible – IN TOM CRUISE’S MIND!
I’d give Fek’s weight in gold pressed Latium to see what’s under those undies, Ifyouknowwhatimean.
She’d make a fine Dabo girl.
The descent into complete LCD-ness continues. Fuck you, Abrams.
I just read the last 20 or 30 posts you’ve made based on this one. Wow, dude. Is there anything you’re not angry about? I mean, I like to goof on stuff here and pull Vince’s leg for entertainment purposes, but damn. You make me look like the happiest man on the planet.
You know what? You’re right. I’ve been posting too much about that and being too negative. I’ll try to dial it back a bit.
Kevin’s response deserves COTW for boldly going where pretty much no internet commenter in history has gone.
Kevin is flowers and unicorns during football season, this’ll pass.
So Starfleet meets in the ‘Dr. Strangelove’ War Room?
Tit, Fire and Robocop: In no particular order my #4, #2 and #9 favorite things.
Fire beats tit? Well, can’t fault you. You can’t cook a steak with a tit.
“Listen to your friend Robocop, Captain Kirk. He’s a cool dude.” Genius Vince, pure genius.
This does not make me look forward to Star Wars.
+1 for Zoolander.