
As UPROXX”s resident Florida expert, I need to point out that not everything that happens in my beloved state full of morons is bad. Sure, we have dogs that shoot their owners, owners that feed their dogs rum and every now and then the Earth opens up and swallows men whole. But every once in a blue moon, something happens in Florida that’s worthy of praise, and today that honor belongs to a Bradenton man named Richard Schabbacher.
First of all, if I’m ever on the news, I’d want to be known as the man who “Discovered the chickens”. That’s tombstone fodder right there. But what chickens did Schabbacher discover? Why is this even news? Get ready to “Awwwwwww” your face off.
Local authorities came to the rescue of some baby chicks that got stuck in a storm drain.
On Thursday, a mother hen frantically paced in front of the Bradenton storm drain while the dramatic rescue of her four baby chickens unfolded.
Authorities were able to get them all out. (Via ABC 7)
That’s right, it’s a chicken rescue. And even better than just a story about a guy crawling into a storm drain to rescue baby chicks, there’s also footage of the frantic mother hen. In honor of this amazing story, I hereby declare that Florida will now be referred to as “That state full of idiots and the one dude who discovered the chickens”. It’s a great day to be a Floridian.



Following the rescue, the chickens were officially pronounced delicious.
When you find yourself in danger,
When you’re threatened by a stranger,
When it looks like you will take a lickin’, (cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck)
There is someone waiting who
Will hurry up and rescue you,
Just call…for Super Chicken! (cluck, awk!)
Fred, if you’re afraid, you’ll have to overlook it,
Besides, you knew the job was dangerous when you took it! (cluck, awk!)
He will drink his super sauce
And throw the bad guys for a loss
And he will bring them in, alive and kickin’ (cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck)
There is one thing you should learn
When there is no one else to turn to
Call…for Super Chicken! (cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck)
Call…for Super Chicken! (cluck, awk!)
If that hen could talk it would probably be saying, “WTF, dude?! There are supposed to be six chicks! I counted them just after they hatched!”
Valiant effort Burnsy but Florida is still the worst ever. Especially now that your mosquito control programs just got kneecapped.
@Burnsy
Wait, you live in Florida but are a St. Louis Cardinals fan?
I’m confused.
I have also found my share of chicks while crawling thru sewers.
Did anyone else luck out and get the commercial for eating chickens before the actual video started? Really puts things in long term perspectives.
He wears a disguise to look like human guys but he’s not a man he’s a chicken boo.
+1
hot female anchorowman
or if not being redundant, just anchorwoman.
You know you’re going to see a news story about that guy fucking one of those chickens any day now, right?
That was f*cking awesome. Glad it didn’t happen in Derry.
I love the Purdue commercial right before a story about chickens.