Bump, set and spike my crotch, am I right?
Opening Everywhere: Identity Thief, Side Effects
Opening In IMAX: Top Gun
FilmDrunk Suggests: Rex Reed says that by paying for a ticket to see Identity Thief, you’re supporting America’s problem with obesity. He also says that your mom is “built like a brontosaurus dick” and that she “lubes with mayonnaise”. His words, not mine. So go see Channing Tatum in Side Effects.
“I won’t be your wing man, and now I’m going to have sex with a woman.”
Top Gun: An IMAX 3D Experience
Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 53% critics, 80% audience
Gratuitous Review Quotes:
“There are elements that hold up – especially Cruise’s blinding charisma. The aerial scenes are still thrilling, and perfectly suited to a giant screen. Everything else? Well, that depends on how nostalgic you’re feeling.” – Elizabeth Weitzman, NY Daily News
“Whether you love Top Gun or hate it — or hate yourself for loving it — the fact is that when it became the top-grossing film of 1986, Hollywood in its infinite wisdom took all of the worst lessons from its success and overlooked what made it so… fun.” – Chris Nashawaty, EW
Armchair Analysis: Yo, check it out, I’m gonna be real for a second – Top Gun is an awful movie. From start to finish, and only excluding Val Kilmer’s awesome jaw click, Top Gun is simply terrible. We live in a country full of people who love to revise history and point out how people who we once believed were heroes were actually villains, so I’m going to do the same with this bad film. But check it…
IRON EAGLE WAS THE MOTHER F*CKING JAM!
/slides cassette into player strapped to leg, flies off
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Guys, just so you know. Old Cranky Dick is gonna be opening at the Inferno Lounge for Here Comes the Blart. Still no word on whether or not Brontosaurus Lube will be there for a guest performance, but hey, I think it’s worth coming out anyways, am I right?
Old Cranky Dick Review never really lived up to the promise of Poor Richard’s Almanack.
You can’t go back.
Melissa McCarthy? Fuck you Rex Reed, I’d hit that in a heartbeat. I’d even finish before my Lean Pockets are done.
Side out, bro, side the f*ck out. Top Gun isn’t a movie IT’S A WAY OF LIFE!
Ashley I will get Kenny Loggins to play an acoustic version of Danger Zone and put your top Gun hate in its rightful place, directed at Take Your Breath Away.
Thank you Burnsy!! I argue with people at work about “Top Gun” more frequently than I would like to admit. That movie fucking blows. It’s a big budget gay porn without the sex scenes. If dudes are gonna get homoerotic with each other, at least let me see a couple of ‘em get blown.
Haha, you suck, Tom Cruise.
Dear god I loved Iron Eagle as a kid. Lou Gossett Jr. is my spirit animal.
“Top Gun” rivals “Alexander” as the gayest movie ever made.
Still not as gay as 300.
My reflexive hatred for TG movie has mellowed over the years. Maybe it’s because nobody’s pretending Kelly McGillis is hot anymore and I don’t have to listen to teenage girls swoon over Tom Cruise.
I don’t think any teenage girls swoon over Tom Cruise anymore, they just loom over him.
I remember in 2000 I was talking about my friends about how bad and homo-erotic a movie Top Gun was. They all laughed at me and called me names. Sure enough, about five years later, making fun of Top Gun became a thing. And they hoped on that bandwagon, to which I made fun of the mercilessly for a very, very long time.
/cool story bro.
I want that dude’s Dickel’s shirt.
While we’re on the subject of which is better: R.O.T.O.R. is a superior to RoboCop. And Shaq’s STEEL golden showers right into Iron Man’s gay energy hole.
as Juan implied I’m startled that a single mom able to get paid $8444 in a few weeks on the computer. did you read this page… [xurl.es]
WHO THE FUCK IS JUAN, NIGRO?
WTF? These bots are getting lazy!
Top Gun is an amazing film. People laugh and call it gay. And those same people cry that Brokeback Mountain got ripped off by Crash for an Oscar. So which is it? Gay or not I’d rather see fighter pilots slaying Russkies and playing volleyball than a pair of sheep farmers doing anything else.
One of those movies is beyond homoerotic. The other is Brokeback Mountain.
The main characters in BM seemed more interested in women than anybody in Top Gun.
So are people now arguing that being gay is a bad thing? Last time I checked, an appreciation of the finer points of locker room etiquette doesn’t prevent someone from keeping the skies safe for freedom .
My husband quoted Top Gun this weekend. I told him he should have told me he was gay before we got married.