Here on FilmDrunk, obviously we spend a lot of time discussing our favorite batsh*t actors, whether it’s Daniel Day-Lewis’s insane methods, Gary Busey’s general nuttiness, Terrence Howard’s schizophrenic Earth mother/beatnikness, or everything Steven Seagal has ever done. But I fear we’ve slept on Wesley Snipes. Ever since Patton Oswalt explained how Snipes refused to leave his trailer for anything but close-ups on the set of Blade Trinity and communicated with the director only by post-it notes signed in character as “Blade,” I’ve been a glutton for any and all Snipes stories. We should’ve known when he called Judge Joe Brown as a character witness in his tax evasion trial. Snipes has been in federal prison since 2010 and isn’t scheduled for release until this summer (probably a cupcake white-collar prison where they prisoners shoot pool and play ping pong all day, but still). But a movie he shot pre-hoosegow recently got picked up for distribution and now has a trailer. It’s called Gallowwalkers. It’s got zombies, pro wrestlers, and zombies (with krazy kontact lenses, of course), backed by dub-step and rock that would attract Tommy Tapouts like moths. Oh, and the director’s last name is “Goth.”
GALLOWWALKERS is the story of a mysterious gunman, Aman (Snipes), the son of a nun, who breaks her covenant with God to ensure his survival. Her break with God curses her son to be hunted by all those who die by his hand – When he takes revenge on a gang that murdered his love, the gang rises as a cursed crew of undead warriors and hunt him mercilessly, seeking their ‘dying’ revenge. The film stars Snipes, Diamond Dallas Page, Simona Brhlikova and Jonathan Garcia, and is directed by Andrew Goth and Joanne Ray. [JoBlo]
BAD GUY: AMAN! You old son of a nun, I’m gonna send you to HELL! It sucks there, and I should know… because I’m a zombie.
SNIPES: You’re like a bad meal, Connor. I never get tired of sendin’ you back. (*sword clang, gunshot, severed head*)
The tagline is “Live by the gun. Die by the gun. Come back for more.” So basically this sounds awesome.
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[JoBlo]
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I have to say, if this was a little less forced badassery and a little more good filmmaking, I would actually be pretty psyched to see it.
Also, why is both W’s in the title capitalized? GalloWWalkers? Kinda makes it look like the pronunciation is ga-LOWA-kers
Int. Executive Suite, Hollywood, CA:
“Man, that Django movie really made some money. Do we have anything coming out with a black guy on horse shooting people?”
“well, I remember something Snipes did before he went to jail, but it’s been sitting there for like 5 years, nobody wants it.”
“FUCK AND YES! BUY IT, AND GET IT OUT THERE NOW, BOY!”
I was promised some DDP. I wanted to see a Diamond Cutter!
He should just officially change his name to Blade D. Walker.
He’s out of jail?
I hope scenery chewing isn’t a parole violation.
No, he’s in prison until this summer.
Thus proving that I should read THEN post a comment, not the other way around.
I am convinced that the movie Drop Zone was cursed. I mean lookit… Wesley Snipes in prison, Yancy Butler alcoholic, Michael Jeter is dead, and Gary Busey is… Gary Busey.
It’s too bad the only press Snipes can do for this movie is in the prison laundry.
Come on, movie namers, “Son of a Nun” was right there for the taking.
This is, of course, the story of Alex Cross’ grandpappy
I read that synopsis 5 times, and I still cannot figure out how this all works. Let’s do a breakdown:
1. Son of a nun – that’s a lot right there, because it’s an impossibility. If she has sex, she’s no longer a nun, and he is her son, so either he’s Jesus, immaculately conceived, or she’s not a nun. son of a former nun, maybe? probably didn’t read as well.
2. breaks her covenant with god to ensure his survival??? ok, again, a preggerz nun has already broken some covenants with god, and is booted. and B) what covenant does she have to break to ensure his survival? abortion, nah, doesn’t work? no idea.
3. Her (nun-mom) break with god causes him to be cursed – why are we not just saying god cursed this guy? is that no allowed? afraid of westboro showing up or something? just say god cursed him.
4. Nun-Mom gets murdered, apparently by a whole bunch of people at once, which is really confusing unless it was firing squad or you’re going with a broad definition to include all conspirators, but fine, I’ll assume the latter. So, now, god cursed the son of a former nun, merely because nun-mom protected his life, but this same god, has nothing against the bad guys who killed nun-mom.
5. Instead of righteousness, this god apparently is focused on dickishness, so he makes the guys that killed a nun (or former nun) magically unkillable undead or something.
6. Son of Nun-Mom, is now trying to get revenge for the murder of Nun-mom, and each time he gets his revenge on one of her killers, that killer is granted a second life in order to get revenge back on Son of a Nun-mom. That’s just some criss-crossed, illiterate brand of revenge on revenge on revenge. Unless this is an allegory against gang violence, it’s just retarded.
6. There is the possibility that we just have this all wrong due to perspective. Let me re-phrase the story in a way that makes sense: A horrible slutty cunt of woman breaks her vow with god at the nunnery after she turns up pregnant. God curses her offspring, and sicks a band of immortals after her and her offspring. They kill her. Then, they battle her offspring. Simpler, cleaner, better.
I’m good at numbering. PS. My alternate title is : God Smites a Whore-Nun!
So Steven Segal and Steve Austin fight mercs and prisoners in “Maximum Conviction”, now Wesley Snipes and DDP fighting zombies in “GalloWWalkers”, I am holding out until Chuck Norris and Hacksaw Jim Duggan fight off illegal immigrants in “Border Patrol”
This movie looked like it could at least be entertaining. Maximum Conviction looked awful on all levels. But I think Border Patrol could be the best of the bunch. Somebody make that movie
I like this version [www.traileraddict.com] that came out back in 2008(God has it been that long that I’ve waited!!!) much better. It’s got a lot more oomph to it, a wannabe Don LaFontaine doing the voiceovers, and the Fuel “ohh aahh ahh ahh ahh”-ish song at the end just makes you want to always bet on black!
Oh, and you gotta give it up for that dead head with the flopping around spine towards the end…genius!
Shouldn’t it be GallowSwalkers?
“Gallow” is an “obsolete” word (according to the internet) meaning “to frighten,” but with all the shots of gallowS (scaffolds for hanging people) in the trailer, I’m confused. I guess they really wanted that “WW” in the middle of the title.
Also, it looks like between 2008 and now the producers decided to make the actual film title plural: “Hey, why have one GalloWWalker when we can imply there are lots of GalloWWalkerS!”
and the sequel can be GaloWWIIalkers
1 shot kills 3 men….