THIS WEEK IN POSTERS: Not that they ever left, but diagonal horizon lines are back in a big way this week. In addition, we've got Iron Man, new Stephenie Meyer, a motion poster, and more!
Big Ass Spider!: I believe this movie and poster design is called "the direct approach." "Yeah, so our movie is called Big Ass Spider! and it's about a big ass spider." That's a great elevator pitch.
I'd like to know what plane of existence that ambulance is driving on, but I assume that will be explained. Perhaps it's some kind of campy Escher painting.
Here in America, this one's called The Company You Keep, directed by Robert Redford:
A thriller centered on a former Weather Underground activist who goes on the run from a journalist who has discovered his identity.
For a long time, I've been giving Shia LaBeouf the benefit of the doubt, as an actor who might not be as bad as all the horrible movies he has been in might suggest. I think that's over now. Now I have to wonder if his agent is the actual devil, which would explain both how he gets all these roles and how they turn out.
This poster is for Dark Skies, but it doubles as a poster for Birdemic 2.
Haven't there already been six jillion movies called "Detour?" (Answer: basically, yes). With a title that boring, you're going to have to do a little more with the poster. Maybe have a pretty lady paint it on her bewbs. I'm just spitballing here.
According to IMDB:
A documentary that chronicles the life of young college professor Angela Davis, and how her social activism implicates her in a botched kidnapping attempt that ends with a shootout, four dead, and her name on the FBI's 10 most wanted list.
Produced by Will Smith's Overbrook Entertainment. Cool poster, now let's just hope Will Smith doesn't let one of his kids play Angela Davis. Also, the placement of the logo kind of implies a deep fisting.
So yeah, apparently Huffington Post has a movie department. I assume they just pay college kids $12 a post to copy content from other movie departments (I kid, I kid, please link me).
Shoreline Entertainment has picked up "Geography Club," an upcoming adaptation of Brent Hartinger's novel of the same name. The film, from Huffington Pictures, is produced by Michael Huffington and Anthony Bretti.
Oops, okay, so it's a different Huffington, Arianna's ex-husband.
"Geography Club" focuses on Russel (Cameron Dean Stewart), who finds companionship in a group of students all hiding their sexual preferences. Nikki Blonsky, Marin Hinkle and Scott Bakula co-star in the film, which is based on the first novel in Hartinger's Russel Middlebrook series. [HuffPo]
So "geography club" is a place to learn about the gay agenda now?!? The republicans are going to be outraged about this. Though, to be fair, in their version of geography club, you learn where Jesus lives. Also, call me old-fashioned, but where I'm from, if Scott Bakula's in your movie, you put Scott Bakula in the poster, Breakfast Club homage or no. Sell the sizzle for Christ's sake.
Ah, finally we have all of Stephenie Meyer's bland, white characters in the same place. The future is an Olive Garden where nobody smiles, apparently.
PUT YOUR HELMET ON, DON CHEADLE! THIS IS FLYING SPARKS COUNTRY!
This one's for Bryan Singer's Jack the Giant Slayer, which I thought was all animated at first, but apparently only the giants are CG. Also, I don't know if everything will be tilted sideways 45 degrees, but the poster seems to suggest so.
I believe that's Eleanor Tomlinson, who was born in 1992. Yes, you are old. Not me though. Fart jokes are my cloud of youth.
And that's Nicholas Hoult, whose career has really taken off since he played the little kid in About a Boy. I want to iron his forehead.
And here's the extra long poster for the giant. Does anyone miss the diagonal horizon line? Didn't think so.
Something tells me the actual movie has no chance of living up to a poster this cool. And yes, Xan Cassavetes is John Cassavetes' daughter. "Xan" is apparently short for "Alexandra," which I'm told is an ancient Aztec word meaning "twee one."
My expert analysis of this one: "Neat!"
Here's John Cusack's triumphant return to form after The Raven, The Numbers Station. I didn't get a chance to post the trailer for this earlier, but oh man.
Between this and Wanted, who would've ever thought that we'd have so many movies about hitmen taking their orders from random number generators?
"Get it? It's Knowing meets Wanted."
"Get out of my office."
In space, no one can feel you tilting sideways.
Harland Williams AND Nick Swardson? Well I don't see how this could go wrong.
And I like Nick Swardson's stand up. I feel like I always have to preface with that.
Terrorists taking over the White House? Please, Morgan Freeman could fix that in one velvety voice over.
I'm sure this movie is terrible, but Rachel McAdams and Noomi Rapace about to kiss? THAT is how you sell a movie. I hope they put Rachel's old butt double in this:
Simply magnificent.
Burnsy is excited for this one. I would describe my mood as more along the lines of this emoticon :-|
The juxtaposition between Kiefer Sutherland's facial expression and Liev Schreiber's here is just fantastic. It's like they represent both types of white-guy archetypes as portrayed by black comedians.
Home video changed the world. The cultural and historical impact of the VHS tape was enormous. This film traces the ripples of that impact by examining the myriad aspects of society that were altered by the creation of videotape.
The poster makes this look way more interesting than the synopsis. Success?
Cool poster design. I'm predicting a depressing story about environmental degradation and deteriorating diseases. (*rolls IMDB roulette wheel*)
A recently reformed drug dealer, now working as a claims adjuster by day and bouncer by night, receives earth-shattering news, compelling to make peace with his past and search for freedom beyond the concrete jungle of New York City.
Wow, I wasn't even close. Sounds promising though. Maybe it will be like that Wire episode where Wallace moves out to the country.
What Maisie knew is going to turn everyone's life upside down! And tilt it sideways!
Cool poster, for Would You Rather.
Desperate to help her ailing brother, a young woman agrees to compete in a deadly game of "Would You Rather," hosted by a sadistic aristocrat.
A deadly game of would you rather, huh? I'm more familiar with the kind that involves disgusting sex acts with family members. But I guess this is better.
This one is supposed to move. Is it moving on your screen? It's not moving on mine. Here's the direct link, though that one isn't working for me either. Oh well. I'm sure it was the coolest exorcism-movie poster in the history of the world. And now I'll miss it. Darn.
[Posters via IMPA]
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I want that Cassavetes poster framed and on my wall like yesterday.
yes. hopefully the movie is good.
“Would You Rather?” stars Sasha Grey. Just a hunch but I’m guessing she says “sure” to everything they propose.
I thought “The Last Exorcism” ended just fine for a movie of that type and then have to go make a moving poster for it and a worthless Smarch sequel. Here’s hoping they can make it worse by putting a hyperlink at the end for you to explore the ending!
The first one was surprisingly engaging and shrugged off a lot of my lowered expectations. I’m just gonna go ahead and assume this expected unnecessary sequel will be having none of that.
prequel already in the works. “The next to last exorcism.”
Not related, Richard Simmons new release “still exorcizin!”
That kid in The Host’s name is Max Irons? And he let them give him a different, wussier name in the movie?
Red 2 might be a complete snooze, but the poster isn’t all that bad.
A New Thriller from Mira Nair? WHY DIDN’T YOU SAY SO EARLIER?
Moving posters are the Internet equivalent of movie blockbuster standees. They may be cool but I’m not going out of my way to see one
That first poster needs a hyphen goddamned yesterday! Is it a big-ass spider, or a big spider that came out of someone’s ass? This “direct approach” raises so many more questions than it answers. Also, has Dane Cook put on weight or what?
Chris Brown just got that Free Angela poster tattooed on his neck.
Harland Williams > Nick Swarsdon
Agreed
I mean, if you’ve seen Rocket Man, this cannot even be a question.
I’m just glad Michael Rosenbaum is still getting work.
(Actually, now that I looked it up, he pretty much did everything for Old Days (writer, director, actor, ect.))
No. Nick Swardson makes some shitty, shitty, movies, but he’s redeemed by his Comedy Central sketch show which was actually pretty good. He’s passable as a stand up too–he’s not great, but not awful either.
But, yeah, awful movies.
Can’t vouch for the film itself, but I would play the shit out of “Rewind This!” on Atari 2600
Damn all you people who saw RED and made them think RED 2 is a good idea.
Also if that kissing movie with the cool poster is anything like Once Bitten, I’m in with two thumbs.
Man, 3/4 of the way through that Cusack movie preview, I said out loud, I cannot believe their not going to have any BRAAAHHHHHHHHHMs in this. Immediately after saying that, BRAAAAAHHHHHHHHHM! sound mixers for trailers have to bored of hitting that button by now.
Playing “Would You Rather” with Sasha Grey could have an insane amount of benefits, but I feel like I’d leave the game desensitized by at least 40 points.
All of the documentaries look ace, and I am so glad that English National Treasure Riz Ahmed is getting proper famous and all.
Bit disappointed to see the Geography Club movie looking so white; white and Bakula-less.
Don Cheadle makes me want a Good Humor Firecracker.
First of all, thank you for that amazing .gif of Rachel McAdams. That was my favorite part in that movie.
But I don’t think that is a butt double…at least I don’t want it to be, because…DAT ASS!
Was she playing a Puerto Rican in that movie? Not many white girls have asses like that. Maybe a few ice skaters or professional dancers.
I’m surprised Vince didn’t freak out that the John Cusack poster doesn’t have the names lined up with the faces. He must be medicating more frequently.
Shia’s agent is the most brilliant man ever. “First I’ll put him in a movie with Gary Oldman, Tom Hardy, and Guy Pearce. Then I’ll put him in a thriller directed by Robert Redford. No one will be able to resist! Muahahahahah!”
The Reluctant Fundamentalist sounds like a thriller written by a Mormon, a boring one. It’s between this and The Constant Gardener for most boring title ever.
‘The Company You Keep’: Smug Baby Boomer who dyes his hair is spooked by Folk Emo LaBoeuf and goes for a jog through nature (where the f*** are you running to, Redford?), while Smooth Hepcat G-Man Terrence Howard is having none of that, ya dig?
Geography Club? I can’t believe that its based on a book, it looks like a mockbuster version of The Breakfast Club.
Although I would rather drink Ke$ha’s urine than willing go see The Host, I still have to admit that I find…hold on, let me just do a quick check at Wikipedia….okay whew! I have to admit that Saoirse Ronan is weirdly attractive.
She’s what I call a “Noomi” if you will.
That poster is oddly presumptuous. I have no idea what the fuck the Host is, much less who its characters are, but they introduce each character on the poster like they are “Sherlock Holmes” or “James Bond” level beloved literary institutions who everyone will instantly know and recognize.
But so very… beige. An elegant lampshade if you will.
That was my thought as well. Sooo the aliens took over and now everyone shops at Banana Republic?
And that Malin Akerman, good to see her working so soon after Tom Cruise sang a verse into her butthole.
Sadly not a euphemism but an absurdly literal viewing experience. Thanks, Rock of Ages.
Passion should just be called MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE OUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So Geography Club just goes right ahead and rips off The Breakfast Club in every conceivable way?
“Deeply Human” – Time Out New York.
Whatever the fuck that tired piece of nonsense means, I’m just going to assume it’s really good and Time Out New York isn’t sure why.
Poor kate hudson she cant escape the romcom poster lean even in one witha terrorist.
Is that actually a butt double for Mc McAdams? I thought it was her. If I remember correctly she’s got quite the white girl booty IRL.
She does have a fantastic ass, but I’ve been assured over and over that the ass in that particular ass is a double.
McAdams has blown giraffes from the jump… here’s why:
She’s Canadian.
She showed her tatas in a movie, then Notebook came out and she thinks shes too good to give full frontal (it was in my sequel script: The Trapperkeeper).
Walked off the nude Vanity Fair shoot with Scarlett J. and Kiera K. thinking shes too good. Broke Baby Goose’s heart. She seems like a tease (gets nude and backtracks).
Real ass. Or fake ass. …I think the term is Hate Bang. Followed by a Punchgasm.
The Company You Keep – 3 Immediate Reactions From Drunk BurnsyFan:
1. Old people will undeservedly love this film based on all the crusty old farts in the trailer
2. Terrance Howard is the Shia Labeof of black people (honestly, think about it)
3. I hate condoms
Lawless wasn’t a particularly great movie, but I thought The Beouf held his own alongside Tom Hardy and Guy Pierce. Also, I want the Rewind This poster, regardless of the movie itself. That is my youth spent dicking around in rental joints perfectly rendered in movie poster form.
Thought that was Kevin Heffernan in the Geography Club poster at first glance.
I would watch Morena Baccarin clip her toenails and feed Harlan Williams to a bear.
Would You Rather – the post-aughts Saw?
Is the lead in “Would You Rather” playing a Cyclops with one giant eye? It’s the only way I can get my head around the scaling in that poster.
The XXX parody of “Big Ass Spider” will be titled “Big Ass-Spider” and will feature a painful-looking buttplug.
The Company You Keep looks like it could be alright. Did you see Sam Elliot in the trailer?
Also Labeuf was in A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints, which I thought was really good, but I could be alone on that.
Where Wallace at?
#11 – Why is he gripping what I can only assume is a voulge that close to the head? The whole point of a polearm is reach advantage.
Jesus, they’ve got every gravelly voiced actor in Hollywood doing that Robert Redford. Then for comedy purposes they threw in Shia, who’s balls haven’t dropped yet.
Robert Redford film. That sentence looks like I’m saying Robert redford is getting a train run on him