The Fast and the Furious was a film about a group of felonious street racers and the undercover police officer who was tasked with taking them down. Its sequel, 2 Fast 2 Furious, followed a similar premise, but took us all to Miami and replaced Vin Diesel with Tyrese. Fast & Furious: Tokyo Drift -- which is one of the greatest titles of anything ever -- changed the formula entirely, focusing on a dollar store version of Paul Walker as he navigated a dangerous Japanese high school with Bow Wow, presumably because whatever it was cool and how many movies have you made? Anyway, the whole gang came back for 2009's Fast & Furious, which ended (Spoiler Alert) by having Vin Diesel drive his car through a goddamn mountain and crush the bad guy against another car. And the most recent film, Fast 5, added The Rock, and was set in Brazil, and at one point they ripped a bank vault out of a building and drove all over the place towing it behind them on a 30-foot long chain while every police officer in Rio chased after them.
My point here is that these movies are awesome and America is a great, strong nation.
The first commercial for the sixth film in the franchise, Fast and Furious 6, debuted during the Super Bowl. As UPROXX's resident expert on the series, I feel it is my duty to walk you all through it. I hope you like tanks and exploding planes.
The trailer opens with some words but they can f-ck right off because within eight (8) seconds we already have a military vehicle flying 10 feet in the air and doing a full front flip on a deserted road. This will be a recurring theme.
This is the face Vin Diesel makes when The Rock asks for his help*. You can tell things are serious, and so is Vin Diesel, because his nostrils are flared and his brow is furrowed. This is called "acting." Please make a note.
*I will be calling pretty much everyone by their real name instead of their character's name. I do this a lot because I have no attention span and am bad at watching movies. I mean, I have seen Fast 5 like four times and I still don't remember The Rock's name it. Whatever. KABOOM.
"Oh, hello. I didn't see you there. My name is Tyrese. I like to race cars and sh-t, but sometimes I also enjoy a nice glass of chilled Moët on a private plane. Please, have a seat, won't you?"
The most important thing I've learned from the Fast & Furious franchise is that underground street races are awesome and pretty girls from miles and miles away flock to them in glorified underpants. We should put all of the films in a time capsule containing literally nothing else so future civiliations can study them the way we study the Rosetta Stone.
SCIENTIST: What have you learned from the artifacts, Dr. Historian?
OTHER SCIENTIST: Females used to love neon things that go fast. Also, bleep blorp I am a robot.
So this is the part of the commercial where lots of normally ground-based vehicles fly through the air. Sure, there were ground-based vehicles flying through the air before, but this is where it gets serious, as you can tell by Paul Walker launching himself across a highway divider. He'll do that.
And here is a car flying through a downtown office building. Don't ask questions. There's no time...
... BECAUSE NOW A TANK IS JUST BUSTING OUT THE FRONT OF SOME OTHER THING LIKE "YO, SUP? F-CK OFF. I'M A TANK. OUTTA THE WAY."
This is the second best "thing driving out of another thing" scene in the trailer. Hang tight.
Oh, and after the tank blasts out of the carrier thing and starts driving around all tank-like, Ludacris grabs his walkie-talkie and says, "Uh, guys ... they got a tank!"
Ludacris is very observant.
Here is a dude driving some sort of Go-Kart version of the Batmobile. If I know anything about anything, at some point during the movie, this thing will fly through the air like an eagle, get shot with a rocket, and land on the street completely unharmed.
FACT: Every single police car in the Fast franchise ends up totaled. Every one.
I bet you idiots thought there wasn't going to be a shot of Vin Diesel lifting a dude up so The Rock could deliver a devastating forearm to his throat like someone up and made them tag team champions of the world between the last two films.
Pfft. Idiots.
This is what is happening in this shot:
Vin Diesel was apparently trapped in an airplane, in his car. The rest of the crew showed up as the plane was taking off, shot it with grappling hooks as they were driving down the runway at breakneck speed, and dragged it to the ground like a deflated balloon. Then, as the plane was busy exploding, Vin Diesel drove his car right through its nose to escape.
HE DROVE A CAR THROUGH THE NOSE OF AN EXPLODING PLANE.
We are all going to see this movie.
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I loved how Fast 5 just said, “Eh, fuck it, lets ride this bitch right off of Mount Ridiculous.” And it was awesome.
Exactly. It was weird that I was the only one in the theater laughing my ass off at certain points though.
Oh I was giggling like a gay tickle me Elmo for at least 2/3 of the flick.
Gay Tickle Me Elmo aka Tickle Me Elmo
JTRO – I was told to be quiet as I was apparently laughing too much during Fast 5. Way too many people around me took that movie way too seriously. My favorite part was after the movie and watching all the cops arrest people leaving the theater in their souped up shit boxes.
THE ROCK/VIN DIESEL DOOMSDAY DEVICE!!!!
[www.youtube.com]
When I saw the trailer for the 2009 one (4ast & 4urious?) and Vin Diesel was wheelstanding a Grand National underneath a flaming tumbling tanker trailer I was like PLEASE TAKE ALL MY MONEY. This one has a Charger Daytona driving under a collapsing bridge and what looks like a Holden Commodore crashing through the nose of an exploding plane. This franchise again has my money.
Holden Commodore. Are you an Aussie? Either way you have my respect. None of this Pontiac GTO bullshit.
Nah, I’m a Yank. I couldn’t really tell what that was coming out of the plane, but it had four doors so it wasn’t a GTO/ Monaro and the lines and headlights looked wrong for it to be a Charger or a G8, respectively. Given the franchise’s penchant for having non-US-market cars in their flicks my money’s on a Commodore.
anyone else incredibly disappointed in the title being Fast & Furious 6? I mean they’ve got a certain level of excellence to live up to and frankly they’ve failed in my humble opinion.
let me end by saying i’m going to give them my money with out a fight. i’m seeing this multiple times.
Is there anyone who doesn’t automatically disregard the actual title in favor of ”X Fast X Furious?” With X being equal to–OH NO LOOK OUT IT’S DROWNING POOL.
When this came on during our loud Super Bowl party I could hear the audio and spent all the way up until the end confused that I hadn’t heard that Paul Walker was in GI Joe: Resolute. I may have been drinking though.
Or more so GI Joe: Retaliation. Jesus Christ, this is why civilized people use Roman numerals for their sequels and kings.
Ludacris be the rain man when it comes to the mysteries of observating thangs.
Saw this commercial and immediately blocked off May 24 on my calendar. As a huge Rock mark, my movie schedule for the next few months shapes up to include this, Snitch (Feb 22), GI Joe: Retaliation (March 29) and Pain & Gain (April 26), which makes me unreasonably happy.
Hey DG, long time first time.
Just wanted say I’m a big fan of your work. The only problem I’m seeing with this movie is Vin Diesel bursting out of a fiery airplane in a car. Looked a little bush league to me. If he was a real man, he would have burst out of a fiery airplane 10,000 miles above the earth while punching a shark in the face and driving a mini-van with his knees. Mini-vans are way more difficult to maneuver and everyone knows driving with your knees is really unsafe.
Hope you get something good for dinner.
Hair Mat.
Dude this is Fast & Furious, not Triple X. Vin Diesel’s got to save some stuff for his other franchises.
There will be dozens DOZENS!! of innocent cops/by-standers killed by the good-bad guys.
Your move, Academy.
As was taught on American Dad, I shudder to wonder just how gay this film was before the editing.
YES YES YES !
isn’t paul walker the “dollar store paul walker”?
I demand an Armond White review of this.
It will be 5,000 words long and could be summed up with the word Cargasm.
i don’t know, critics generally liked the last one and will probably like this one too. therefore Armond will trash it.
Needs more Eva Mendes. Also Isn’t Han dead? I know the other movies weren’t all chronological, but I’m pretty sure Tokyo Drift Happens before this one.
The end of the last one Han says they will get to Tokyo eventually. So this is pre Tokyo Drift.
/subscribe to my newsletter ‘Let me tell ya brah: A Fast and Furious Loveletter’
This is going to be the greatest thing ever…EVER.
You had me at “bleep blorp, I am a robot.”
MY. GOD. THE BOMBAST!! I miss the more subtle, sublime “Fast and Furious” of yester-year.
Love it, also Ford Escort Mexico, those guy’s are finally getting some taste in cars.
Paul Walker is something of a dollar store version of (insert any young ‘action’ star) so the Tokyo Drift guy is like a penny candy version.
I elect to rename this movie Faster than Fastest and Furioser than the Most Furious.
Nope – Fast & Furious: Six Pack
Poster is a mid-riff shot of all male leads holding their shirts up with one hand and the other hand resting on their pants, thumb tucked into the pocket.
(With Special Guest: The Situation!)
The F&F movie franchise will never end. NEVER. Mankind will wither away into dust, and hyper-intelligent cockroaches will still be cranking out these movies.
That’s not a bad thing.
So between this and Resident Evil how many more franchises is Michelle Rodriguez going to be resurrected in? I guess we’ll see her in the Avatar sequels too. She did die in the first one didn’t she?
I don’t remember because I’ve forgotten almost everything about that movie.