Melissa with something that she’d like Rex Reed to sit on.

Rex Reed is a 74-year old film critic who once famously wrote the following sentence about South Korean people in his review for the film Old Boy:

“What else can you expect from a nation weaned on kimchi, a mixture of raw garlic and cabbage buried underground until it rots, dug up from the grave and then served in earthenware pots sold at the Seoul airport as souvenirs?”

He also started the rumor that Marisa Tomei only won the Best Supporting Actress Oscar in 1992 because Jack Palance was wasted when he presented the award. So basically, Reed is a cranky, cantankerous assh*le, and he wants to remind us of that with his new review of Identity Thief in the New York Observer.

In the trashy, stupefying screenplay by Craig Mazin, Jason Bateman is a Denver accountant named Sandy Patterson—another in a long line of victims of the increasingly dangerous world of cyber-crime—whose credit card has been hacked and copied by a felonious thief in Miami (cacophonous, tractor-sized Melissa McCarthy).

Hold on, folks. Rex ain’t done.

The snafus in the worst road movie since The Guilt Trip plunge Mr. Bateman and his female hippo into a motel with only a double bed, a grotesque sex scene with a pickled reprobate she picks up in a bar who demands a threesome, a violent bar fight that bloodies his nose, a kidnapping, a multi-car collision going the wrong way on the freeway … but why go on?

No, please do go on, you incredibly out-of-touch, misogynistic shitbag fossil.

Melissa McCarthy (Bridesmaids) is a gimmick comedian who has devoted her short career to being obese and obnoxious with equal success.

That’s rich. The cranky, old film critic is calling the overweight actress a gimmick. Well played, irony. Well played.

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