Last time we heard about Relativity Media’s reboot (remake?) of The Crow, Juan Carlos Fresnadillo was directing and it was set to star Bradley Cooper in the lead. Which is like casting the captain of the lacrosse team as the head goth. To make matters worse, leaked concept art had Cooper wearing a top hat like Slash with a vest and basically looking like a Jonas Brother with eyeliner (the horror…). Fresnadillo and Cooper both wisely bailed on the project in late 2011, and, I sh*t you not, Relativity wanted to cast Mark Wahlberg or Channing Tatum instead. Now they’ve got another three-named Latino directing, F. Javier Gutierrez, and word is that James McAvoy is “circling” the lead, whatever that means.

Anyone else wonder if they just floated those ideas about Bradley Cooper and Channing Tatum so that this one would sound less stupid?

Bloody Disgusting has been on the forefront on most of the casting news for Relativity’s The Crow reboot. And even though we were once mocked for announcing that Mark Wahlberg was in serious discussion, it eventually came out via the actor that we were 100% correct. The same insider is back again with another whopper of a tip…
James McAvoy, who blew our minds as Charles Xavier in X-Men: First Class, is circling Relativity’s long-gestured remake. He would star as Eric Draven, a man brutally murdered whom comes back to life as an undead avenger of his and his fiancée’s murder. [Bloody-Disgusting]

Back in 1994, those heady days of Friends and Green Day starting mudfights, a goth hero in face paint and tight black leathers killing people and wailing on the guitar seemed fresh and kind of novel (as did Bai Ling). In 2013, I have to assume that we’re going to get Slipknot songs and a Crow who looks like Mask from Tapout (*pours out energy drink*). I mean Slipknot is best case scenario. But who knows, I’m sure the company that thought Brad Cooper in a tophat was a good idea can make the kind of creative decisions that will keep this both fresh and respectful. Godspeed, you geniuses.

My idea for a reboot is called The Crowe, about a fat Australian who goes around throwing meat pies at people who make fun of his band. The key to his invincibility is an old hoagie he keeps in his pocket.