Welcome back, Drunkards and Drunkettes, to another installment of Florida Friday, where we fill you in on one of the nuttiest and therefore most typical stories of the week out of the Sunshine State. Can anyone in Florida top last week’s story about Katina Collins randomly kicking guys in the balls? Well, one Ft. Lauderdale man certainly gave it a shot.
A Fort Lauderdale man named Johnnie Blade is accused of “wildly swinging” a multiple-edged, four-foot long sword used by Klingon characters on the Star Trek TV series as he stood in the middle of a residential intersection. (Via the Sun-Sentinel)
Okay, in fairness, if the guy’s name is actually Johnnie Blade, I’m going to be upset if he doesn’t have a sword.
Blade, 33, was at the 2900 block of Northwest 4th Street in Broward County near Fort Lauderdale about 9:10 p.m. Tuesday, “proudly displaying” the crescent shaped weapon to passing motorists, a Broward Sheriff’s arrest report states.
Have any of you been to Florida lately? There are people on every street corner in every city spinning signs for apartments, restaurants and pawn shops. Hell, a guy proudly displaying his Klingon sword is a nice change of pace.
“This sword…is known to loyal Star Trek fans as traditional Klingon “Bat ‘leth” or “Sword of Honor,” according to the BSO report.
And I’m guessing that he was also in possession of Bat ‘hsalts, eh fellas?
Actually, he had less than 20 grams of marijuana in his possession and it seems that he was just very drunk. I assume that’s why the judge ordered him to stay away from swords and alcohol after he posted bail. Too bad he didn’t say anything about heroin and flamethrowers, am I right, Spock?
Sorry, I just really wanted to use that GIF.
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In related news, an Iowa man has named the two aspects of his personality ‘Johnnie Blade’ and ‘Fekky’. They’re pretty much the same, only Johnnie Blade has a spray tan.
Same time stamp, so is that a dick step or a jinx?
I think that means we’re soulmates. Or possibly arch-nemeses. One or the other.
Dick Jinx, was that the porn parody of Thinner?
But Heigl is my nemesis.
As long as kegels aren’t your nemesis.
La la la, checking my mail. Wot’s dis?
When did Fek move to Florida?
(1) Florida Man’s twitter feed is still pretty great.
(2) I’ve had this in my head all day. The Nineties were terrible.
Can Uproxx make a whole blog that is just Ace and Patty telling jokes please?
Who will post all that lovely tranny porn on KSK liveblogs now?
Ape?
Not only is Johnnie a Trekkie, but apparently his parents were fans of Sabbath’s Never Say Die album, so yeah, well suited for Florida.
Black Sabbath is classic Klingon opera.
The guy outside my building who “wildly swings” and “proudly displays” must be named Johnny Penis.
Oh come on. You all judge, but who among us can honestly claim they’ve never gotten drunk and waved a dangerous weapon around?
my buddy’s step-sister makes $61 an hour on the computer. She has been without work for seven months but last month her pay check was $20740 just working on the computer for a few hours. Go to this web site and read more… [xurl.es]
How in Kahless’ Beard does He not find this until 3am Monday morning whilst jacked on cold medicine?
As a sidenote, one never “wildly swings” a batleth around on a street corner. It is incredibly irresponsible to not reserve that behaviour for daycares and Moose Lodge events.