FilmDrunk readers, we’re usually pretty factual around here, so I hope you’ll enjoy this break from reading the news. It’s time to read some exquisite literature I have written for you. Please enjoy semi-erotic fan fiction about my two favorite Hollywood hunks, Keanu Reeves and Matthew McConaughey. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll be super horned up! Trust me, you’ll want to read this to the end.
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/23305/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/06/trailer-wolf-of-wall-street-trailer-one-starring-leonardo-dicaprio2-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/06/The-Perks-of-Being-a-Wallflower-2-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/richard-linklater-is-still-planning-to-make-a-dazed-and-confused-sequel-this-year-filmdrunk-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/04/Zach-Braff-signing-150x150.jpg)
Sexy Friday came early in an unexpected place. I can relate.
While I feel a humanitarian urge to alert someone that Alison most likely has had a psychotic episode, I still feel grateful that her art has made it to the greatest stage on earth. If there is any justice it will be published as “How to Lose a Guy in 50 Shades of Excellent!” under the pen name Icellison Snowdragonson.
But what if I came here for news?!?
My wanking motion just upgraded from dismissive to furious.
/obligatory
Ewwwwwwwwwww.
I… I just don’t know what to say. IT WAS GLORIOUS!
I got some serious literary boner flashbacks from when I first read “I Fucked Ann Coulter in the Ass, Hard.”
Well done, sir.
Sir?
True dat. I didn’t even look to see who wrote it, I just assumed it was Vince…his fascination with Double M and butts and whatnot.
All apologies, Madam Stevenson.
Miss. Stevenson.
Oh double dukes. I meant My dame, Stevenson.
That’s what I like about this slash fiction, man…I get older and they stay the same horrifying descent into a mescaline-induced nightmare reduced to word form.
“Right now we have to do things with our boners.” HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA. So good.
Keanu thinking that MM’s body is so popsicles, and MM being pleased that Keanu thought his body is so popsicles…I’m just filled with joy here.
If you ever heard Kevin pollack’s very funny anecdote about the first time he met mcconaughey you’d know that if you call him Matt he’ll correct you. “It’s Matthew.”
Not relevant, just a revelation: I just remembered I know 2 people who are MM’s cousins.
All right all right all right
Wow. I really want a sandwich now.
I’m just happy my first foray into the world of fan fic included the phrase, “McConaughey enters Keanu’s butt-hole and is mooing like crazy.”
That was incredible. Also I have learnt what a Quinceañera is.
So the police were called by all the hobos they were upsetting right
Was it a Hobo’s Quinceañera?