“What have I told you about letting Peter Farrelly make movies?”
Opening Everywhere: Movie 43, Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters, Parker. God help us, it’s January. God help us all.
FilmDrunk Suggests: I suggest that you sit down and buckle up, because someone cut the brake lines on the negative train and I’m about to crash this sucker into Cynic City, USA.
“I should have stayed home with the gerbil.”
Movie 43
Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 10% critics, 71% audience
Gratuitous Review Quotes:
“A gaping wound on the side of cinema, a January release that’s yearning to be hidden from audiences, the ugly stinking maw of a Hollywood system that thinks you’re an idiot.” – Our great friend Laremy Legel, Film.com
“Well, they didn’t name it after the number of big laughs in it.” – Roger Moore, Movie Nation
Armchair Analysis: It’s hard to describe Movie 43. It’s basically a sketch film, with one of the most ridiculously amazing ensemble casts that you’ll ever see. Movie 43 is like the comedy version of Valentine’s Day, except with twice as many stars. That’s why it took 4 years to make this movie, because Peter Farrelly and the 10 other directors involved had to catch stars like Kate Winslet, Hugh Jackman, Naomi Watts, Richard Gere, Halle Berry, Emma Stone, Dennis Quaid, Seth MacFarlane and so many more in between their projects.
Hell, they even got ESPN’s Michael Wilbon to play a “Human Buttplug”. That is some serious superstar casting.
When I first saw that this movie was being made, my mind drifted off to a much better time in Hollywood, when sketch movies and spoof comedies were actually hilarious. I thought of one of the funniest movies that I’ve ever seen, The Kentucky Fried Movie, and then I wondered, “Is it possible? Did Peter Farrelly manage to recapture the magic that has been depleted by vapid human wastelands like Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg?”
No. Not unless the marketing team chose to include MacFarlane’s incredibly tired Schindler’s List joke and Terrence Howard’s “This isn’t hockey!” speech in the trailer to make us think, “They’re just using the sh*tty jokes so they don’t ruin the good jokes.” I want so badly to be wrong, but this movie looks like it will be terrible.
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Peter Travers is still credible?
No Martin Mull; failure.
Spot on regarding Statham and Lopez. This is on my ignore list. In the Name of the King was so abhorrent I don’t even understand.
Hansel & Gretel is on my watch at home with alcohol and nachos list. You are all cordially invited…..
Out Of Sight was Elmore Leonard, who is so inherently awesome he made Jennifer Lopez enjoyable, and George Clooney, who is just too damn charming for his own good.
Jason Statham is great fun to watch driving fast and punching people, but he is no George Clooney. And while I’ve never read any Richard Stark, I somehow doubt he’s Elmore Leonard.
But he’s clearly the British Raylan Givens in that above picture.
I thought he was playing a young Boss Hogg in some unholy Dukes of Hazzard prequel.
Hmmm, just soak in that one for a minute.
Actually @Billybob the Stark/Westlake novels are very, very good. Stark is the pen name Donald E Westlake used for these novels, one of which was turned into the excellent movie Point Blank with Lee Marvin many years ago.
[en.wikipedia.org]
Holy shit there are so many places you can go with him in Dukes. It could be a full British version with pikeys as the Duke boy’s kin…
Really?
You, at some point, expected something a Farrelly was involved in to NOT be a pile of steaming farts?
No group of people makes it quicker known that they are assholes with no sense of irony than “serious” film critics.
Maybe Italians.
Was not meant to be a reply. Will see myself out.
“Oim da new Bahhs Hogg, oint i, tommay?”
Putting 2 hands over J-Lo’s nose and mouth would make it better to.
If your pick-up line on Gemma Arterton works, maybe she’ll give you one of her extra toes.
Then she can say, “This one goes to eleven.”
It’s funny looking at the director list for Movie 43….Actor, Adam Sandler director, Paul Blart director, nobody, nobody, actor, nobody, Farrelly, nobody, James Gunn, actor, Brent Ratner, nobody.
I just find that interesting.
Although James Gunn did make Super which was pretty great….and he banged Jenna Fischer when she was really good looking.
But that still doesn’t make me want to see that movie.
You mention Super but not Slither? Come ON!
I can’t believe Gunn came within 1000 miles of this piece of crap.
I liked Slither.
Super was more memorable though.
Anytime a movie is running ads on pornhub.com, that movie is going to suck, balls.
Richard Stark is just like Elmore Leonard. Both hardboiled crime authors.
Elmore Leonard gave us 3:10 to Yuma, Jackie Brown and Raylan Givens.
Richard Stark caused this to happen: [www.imdb.com]
If you assert that they are the same again I will punch you in the dick.
While I can agree that Revolver goes up its own ass way too much, you can’t deny that the visual palette of the brothel shootout was not delicious.
Parker is based on the novels. The only reason they’re calling him Parker is that Westlake is dead they don’t have to get his blessing to call him that.
I’ll read the Darwyn Cooke GNs instead.
In my mind, the Jennifer Lopez that is in Out of Sight is not the same Jennifer Lopez that makes horrible music/ rom-coms. I love the Jennifer Lopez in Out of Sight, so hot and sweet and surprisingly good in the role. What happened to that Jennifer?
And in regards to movie 43; I could have sworn there was another movie of the same nature with a similar title (Movie and a number) that i saw previews for years (5+) ago for but for the life of me can’t find anything about, nor anyone else who remembers. Anybody got a clue on this? Or were they just showing previews for this same turd sandwich as soon as production began 4 years ago?
Dude, Mark’s story was way more impressive.
I can’t believe “Men Slamming Each Other With Blunt Objects” didn’t get nominated for the AVN clever title award. It’s a travesty, I tell ya!
“This Parker spits in our collective eye.”
What else are you gonna do with a gaping whispering eye? This Parker fellow knows what’s up.
Out of all the ESPN personalities to be cast as a Human Buttplug, my money would’ve been on Skip.
Steven A. Smith for sure.
It’s like that terrible commercial for that late 90′s VHS mail order film “The Most Offensive Movie Ever Made.” What hell was that called? Garbage.
I dunno, movie 43 looks like it could be okay…
I really hate when people take great source material and fuck it in the ass ala Parker.
Or when they take a loaded fairy tale and strip it of its story elements only to deliver a few more vigilantes. How we ‘sposed to keep
mepeoples from shooting up a school?Peter Farrelly movies have been on my “don’t waste you time list” for a long time now. I wish Hollywood in general would get their collective, liberal heads out of their _ _ _ and come up with decent movies. It’s been ages since I went to the theater to see anything, because they all basically SUCK!
Saw Movie 43 on Friday.. wasn’t the worst movie i’ve ever seen.
and i laughed a lot. but i also smuggle beers into the theatre, and they make everything better.
A new Toyota? I’m in!
I have to confess: Terrence Howard writing “You’re Black” on the basketball court markerboard did get a laugh out of me in the Movie 43 trailer.
“I want so badly to be wrong, but this movie looks like it will be terrible.” So the author of this post hasn’t seen the movie and is just reporting what critics have said? That’s some lazy “journalism” errrr blogging. Some movies aren’t meant to be loved by critics. Removeth thy stick from thy butt! I haven’t seen the movie either, but there are numerous movies that are better barometers of hollywood’s suckiness.
You haven’t seen it either? This is some lazy commenting.