This video apparently hit right before we broke for Christmas, but if you know anything about FilmDrunk, you know we love movie-related novelty food above nearly all things, save C-Tates storyboards, Gary Busey, and Danzig stories. By now you’re all no doubt familiar with Denny’s Hobbit menu, a veritable menagerie of schlock-themed grease stuffs, such as a grilled cheese sandwich filled with turkey and stuffing and fried red velvet dough filled with white chocolate chips and dipped in cream cheese sauce. So yeah, that. Here, professional eater Jamie McDonald takes down the entire menu in approximately 20 minutes. 20 minutes! It takes longer than that for Bilbo to rub his eyes and get out of bed at the beginning of the movie (“I’m late for Hobbit school!” he shouts, slapping on a back pack and jumping on his skateboard, as Huey Lewis starts to play The Power of Love).

What Jamie ate:

Hobbit Hole Breakfast: Two eggs fried right into the center of grilled Cheddar bun halves. Served with two strips of bacon and crispy hash browns topped with melted shredded Cheddar cheese and bacon.

Shire Sausage Skillet: Shire sausage with seasoned red-skinned potatoes, sautéed mushrooms and fire-roasted peppers and onions served on a sizzling skillet. Topped with shredded Cheddar cheese and two eggs.

Frodo’s Pot Roast Skillet: Slow-cooked pot roast, herb-roasted carrots, celery, mushrooms and onions over broccoli and seasoned red-skinned potatoes served on a hot sizzling skillet. Topped with shredded Cheddar cheese and served with dinner bread.

The Ring Burger: A hand-pressed burger topped with Pepper Jack cheese, bacon, sautéed mushrooms and mayo on a grilled Cheddar cheese bun. Crowned with three crispy onion rings and served with lettuce, tomato, red onions, pickles and a side of wavy-cut French fries.

Gandalf’s Gobble Melt: Tender sliced turkey breast and savory stuffing topped with melted Swiss cheese placed on grilled potato bread with a cranberry honey mustard spread. Served with your choice of side and gravy for dipping.

Dwarves’ Turkey & Dressing Dinner: Tender sliced turkey breast, savory stuffing, gravy and cranberry sauce served with your choice of two sides and dinner bread. Feeds a band of Dwarves. Or one hungry human…..or Bear.

Lonely Mountain Treasure: Seed Cake French Toast cut into nine squares and served with a side of cream cheese icing for dipping.

Radagast’s Red Velvet Pancake Puppies: Six bite-sized round red velvet Pancake Puppies® made with white chocolate chips and sprinkled with powdered sugar. Served with a side of cream cheese icing for dipping.

Bilbo’s Berry Smoothie: Made with a delicious blend of raspberries, blueberries, pomegranate and nonfat yogurt.

Lone-Lands Campfire Cookie Milk Shake: A thick hand-dipped milk shake with a delicious blend of premium vanilla ice cream and s’mores cookie pieces topped with a dollop of whipped cream. Served with a little extra in the tin.

Yeah, so he got it down, big deal. You want a real challenge, let’s see you go on a blind date right after.

I also appreciate that they shot it in time-lapse photography. Watching Joey Chesnut or whoever it is dunk his hot dog buns in Hawaiian punch and end up with partially digested, red dough-matter all over his face and shirt during the Coney Island hot dog event is one of the most revolting things I’ve seen on free television, including Nancy Grace. As a person who generally celebrates the offensive and ridicules the offended it’s odd to be saying this, but “competitive eating” has always seemed deeply screwed up. Since when is wastefulness an achievement? It’s like having a contest to see who can take the longest shower. “Yay, I wasted 1000 gallons!”

[via Jamie McDonald; hat tip: Heavy]