A few months back, I told you about Stacey Halas, a shaved blonde with big naturals who was summarily fired from her job teaching seventh and eighth grade science in Oxnard, California, when the school administration found out about her past as porn actress Tiffany Six. Principal Reginald Cumberbun commented, “Having always used the internet as a tool for searching important science articles and zesty quinoa recipes, I was shocked, shocked, to find how easily it was for a depraved soul to find photos of loose women in all stages of disroberment,” fainting as he clutched his pearls. I might have made that up, but Halas rightly sued, and now a three-judge panel of hypocrites has struck down her appeal.

A three-judge panel unanimously decided Stacie Halas, 32, was unfit for the classroom. “Although (Halas’) pornography career has concluded, the ongoing availability of her pornographic materials on the Internet will continue to impede her from being an effective teacher and respected colleague,” Judge Julie Cabos-Owen wrote in a 46-page decision issued Friday by the Commission on Professional Competence.

If I was a fired former porn actress and I could only have my case heard by a judge with a hyphenated last name, I’d probably just give up right there.

Halas was continually deceitful about her nine-month career in porn before she went to work at the school, the decision said. Her lawyer Richard Schwab said Halas had tried to be honest but was embarrassed by her previous experience in the adult industry.

Her lawyer is named Dick Swab. :-/

“Miss Halas is more than just an individual fighting for her job as a teacher,” he said Tuesday. “I think she’s representative of a lot of people who may have a past that may not involve anything illegal or anything that hurts anybody.”
Student claims that the teacher was moonlighting as a porn star were initially dismissed after school officials said they couldn’t find any images of her on the Internet — but they were using the school’s computers, which don’t allow access to porn.

That is the funniest sentence ever written. Even saying for the sake of argument that those school officials weren’t lying through their teeth, they should all be fired on account of being childishly naive simpletons. “Mr. Principal, Mr. Principal, you’ll never believe this! Students were caught smoking… in the boy’s room! It’s almost as if they’re taking advantage of the one place we aren’t allowed to monitor them to break the rules!”

Teachers then showed administrators downloads of Halas’ sex videos from their smartphones.

“Get this, sir: Higgins has a phone, that can access the internet.”

“…My God.”

In hearings, former assistant principal Wayne Saddler testified that at the start of a sex video, Halas talked about being a teacher and he felt her effectiveness in the classroom had been compromised.
After rumors of her performance surfaced, profanity was etched on Halas’ classroom window, a teacher testified.
Schwab has said Halas did not star in pornographic movies while teaching in any district. He said she took parts only during an eight-month period from 2005 to 2006 because of financial problems after her boyfriend abandoned her.

I hope this makes you all feel real nice about firing her.

District superintendent Jeff Chancer applauded the commission’s ruling.
“Halas’ decision to “engage in pornography was incompatible with her responsibilities as a role model for students and would present an insurmountable, recurring disruption to our schools should she be allowed to remain as a teacher,” Chancer said in a statement. [Yahoo]

As much as I want to make a thousand easy porn jokes (“I try get out, but porn keeps pulling me back in! And out! And in! And out…”), this is bullsh*t, and everyone involved should be ashamed. I had teachers in junior high and high school who talked up the NRA in class, openly expressed the opinion that masturbation was a sin and men didn’t have to do it, explained why abortion was murder, laughed at students’ lynching jokes, argued that America was founded on Christian ideals, etc, etc, and none of them ever got fired. Nor should they (well, except for the lynching guy, that guy was an asshole). The NRA guy was actually a good history teacher, and the abortion dude knew his biology. And Stacey Halas didn’t even try to teach her opinions, she just tried to hide something she did years before that was completely legal. Are we trying to pretend that teachers never masturbate or have sex now? And short of joining a convent, what job is acceptable for an ex-porn actress? If not hide her past and try to help children, what should she do? Sell dildos door to door?

Just to make this even, here’s district superintendent Jeff Chancer’s picture and contact info. If you have any reason to believe, or possess evidence that this man has ever masturbated or engaged in fornication, please contact the Oxnard school district.

Let me know if you can find a picture of Julie Cabos-Owen.