The best Shutterstock could do for this one.
The other day on the Frotcast, we were discussing how when dudes are trying to look tough before fight, instead of lunging at a guy to get him to flinch, one guy should just drop trou and start taking a dump. Because nothing proves you’re not scared like being able to just take a dump. Well now it seems a Santa Cruz man tried to take our advice, but only got halfway there.
SANTA CRUZ – A 24-year-old Santa Cruz man was arrested Sunday after police got a call complaining that a drunken man was being disruptive and challenging people to fight, police said.
Lost Boys was set and filmed in Santa Cruz, so whenever it comes up, I imagine Greasy Sax Man and an awesome bonfire.
Officers arrived near West Cliff Drive and Pelton Avenue near Lighthouse Field about 1:45 p.m. and found that Dimitri Z. Storm had encountered an opponent who took him up on his challenge to fight, Sgt. Dave Perry said.
You didn’t believe me that this guy was a real-life member of the X-Men? His name is “Dmitri Storm.”
When the man didn’t back down, Storm dropped his pants, exposing himself, and then inserted a finger in his own rectum, Perry said.
I can only hope this was part of some elaborate, semi-convoluted insult, like, “I came here to fight tough dudes and finger my own asshole, and we’re all out of tough dudes!”
Police also found him with a small pair of brass knuckles and arrested him on suspicion of indecent exposure, with a prior, being drunk in public, fighting and possession of brass knuckles, records show. [SantaCruzSentinel]
My friends and I used to talk about lesser-known X-Men, like the mutant who had super strength, but only when standing in a puddle of his own piss, or the guy who could shape-shift every full moon, but only into a club sandwich. I like to imagine Dmitri Storm thought his own butthole worked like a magic hobbit ring, only to finally find out that one dude lied about being Gandalf.
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That dude’s AA story is going to be awesome, someday.
One ring to stool them all?
Not to be nitpicky Vince but Lost Boys was filmed in Santa Cruz but set in a fictional place called Santa Carla. AND I STILL BELIEVE!
I know that, but Santa Carla was Santa Cruz in everything but name.
I think it was called Santa Clara.
im from santa cruz… the lost boys are from santa carla… and the 49′ers will be relocating to santa clara.
santa cruz and santa carla are the same place. and now i think there’s too many places called “santa” something
You’re eating WORMS Irish. It was Santa Carla. STILL BELIEVE
Wow, what if right befor this that guy had just left his job of doing food prep in a taco truck, where his chief task was chopping jalepenos? Then we’d all be making “Ring of Fire” jokes.
(“Ring of Fire” joke)
You guys laugh, but that’s where he hides The Infinity Gauntlet.
Colostus.
Wolveringpiece.
Cyclops.
Fingerblast
His secret power gives his foes pinkeye.
Stinkfinger. “No one can resist the temptation to sniff–and when they do…they are my slaves forever! Muahahahaha!”
Prostato.
Feekfiend
His arch nemesis, Prolapse.
He will check your temperature WITHOUT MERCY
Go Go Gadget Sphincter.
Somebody mom this for me, please. Too much of a pain in the ass on my phone.
*nom
F’n iPhone
Dimitri Z. Storm is no Santa Cruzer. He’s a Floridian born there by mistake
Maybe that’s where he was hiding the brass knuckles? I hope?
Superhero name:
The Chocolate Starfish
The Rusty Knot
Superpucker
The Brown Eye
Alias:
Ben Dover
Yankees zeemply do not untershtand ze German mutant. He shticks hees finger eent ze shvinctah unt eet brings ze Storm. Zat’s hees name, ja? Ze Storm. Zo zeemple. However deed you vin ze var I vonder zees…
“By the power of Grayskull, hell! By the power of Prostate Prod! I have the power! I am HIND-MAN!”
This dude is at the next Drunkcon or I’m not going.
I do find it a bit odd that they described the brass knuckles as a “small pair”. As if that makes him less of a man.
If there wasn’t a better time to use the Greasy Sax Man tag, this article should be nominated.
Lord knows whenever I am about to engage in combat I give myself an Agro Dutchboy. Really gets the dander up.
Boy, I gotta tell ya. That “the guy who could shape-shift every full moon, but only into a club sandwich.” line made me laugh so fucking hard. Thank you for that.
having grown up in santa cruz my whole life… this takes that bumper sticker slogan, “keep santa cruz weird” to a whole new level.
Actually, the police report stated he was in possession of “ass knuckles,” which makes more sense.
That guy Mr. Fingerbutt just got out of prison a few years ago for a Home invasion bad news!
Omega Brown
Are we sure this wasn’t Dustin “Screech Powers” Diamond re-enacting a scene from his famous staring role in “Saved By the Smell?”
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