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This week on the Frotcast, we welcome back San Francisco comedian/bon vivant Jason Dove, who, in addition to being the holder of 17 arcade world records, is quite the JFK assassination buff. He tells about the recent event he hosted featuring Lee Harvey Oswald’s former girlfriend (who currently lives in hiding in Croatia) and the son of E. Howard Hunt, as well as offering background on competing conspiracy theories. This naturally leads to other, crazier conspiracies, such as David Icke’s Lizard Theory, Alex Jones on Piers Morgan, the hollow Earth, and the episode of Jesse Ventura’s Conspiracy Theory about Humanzees. Jason and Brendan trade Ventura impressions. And from there? You guessed it, poop stories.
IMPORTANT USER PARTICIPATION: What would you like to hear on the best-of 2012 Frotcast? Tell us in the comments.
UPCOMING SHOWS: I’ll be doing comedy at Milk Bar on January 29th as part of SF Sketchfest. Jason Dove will be at the Punchline in San Francisco on Wednesday January 16th.
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Email us at frotcast@gmail.com. Voicemail us at 415.275.0030. Follow me on Twitter. Follow Jason Dove on Twitter. Follow Ben on Twitter. Follow Bret on Twitter. Fan us on Facebook.
Time-stamped episode notes below, courtesy Adam.
- 00:02:58 – Brendan kicks things off with a story about a coworker puking in the office. The guys talk about the Pyramid of Success, multi-level marketing, and shower heads. Vince reads a Reddit post involving diarrhea and a NBA mascot. Akira Kurosawa gets brought into the discussion of Vince’s farts and anal fissures,and the guys go off on a tangent about anal fracking.
- 00:14:52 – Guest Jason Dove gets into the JFK assassination conspiracy. He talks about Lee Harvey Oswald’s role, Oswald’s girlfriend, the plot to kill Castro with a bioweapon, LBJ’s motive, the Zapruder film, George H. W. Bush’s involvement, and the CIA’s role due to the failure of the Bay of Pigs invasion. Bret takes issue with conspiracy theories.
- 00:47:30 – Jason tries to explain the Lizard People and how David Icke is involved. The conspiracy theory gets described as a mix of V and They Live. Apparently the moon is a hollowed out planetoid housing aliens that mated with humans. The guys also talk about blood lines and secret societies.
- 01:05:57 – Brendan and Jason do competing Jesse Ventura impersonations. Brendan asks Jason if he’s ever heard of Humanzees, and Bret brings up a George W. Bush State of the Union address where human-animal hybrids get mentioned. Vince plays of the clip of Alex Jones on Piers Morgan’s show, and his role in Charlie Sheen’s meltdown. The guys wonder why certain movements get co-opted by crazy people. They also discuss Donal Trump, and Arnold Schwarzenegger’s human-animal hybrid offspring.
- 01:40:20 – Vince reads some emails from listeners where one thinks he sat next to Chloë Moretz on a ski lift, and one has questions about a mysterious shitter at work. Jason and Vince share similar stories about Target. Vince reads a story about synthetic poop transplants and a mongoose. Jason finally concludes the Lizard People theory.
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How could he have left out the most important conspiracy theory? There actually are Terminators, and they come back in time to get actors who play John Connor addicted to heroin. Maybe that can be in the second Conspiracyparanoiacast. :P
Best of 2012:
Hammered Ben getting blooped in for sure
Right before he blooped into some sweet lovin’!
Also, of course, Laremy’s recording breaking appearance on Seattle Morning News, during which he managed to frantically spout out 432 lists in only three minutes
You guys have seen what happens when an apple is shot with a rifle, right? If the bullet goes in one side and out the other, you don’t get pushed the way you would if you stopped the bullet cold. Kennedy’s head jerking back was an involuntary nervous system response.
So it falls towards you? I’ve shot a great many things and have never seen that happen. I’ve seen what happens to glass when you shoot it though, where there’s a small entry wound and the exit takes out a big chunk out the exit as it slows down. That’s what Kennedy’s head looked like from front to back.
The bullet goes right through the apple, and the apple explodes. Looking at the footage, I see a pink mist going forward and to the right, which is consistent with a bullet coming out of the front of a person’s head. Add a back spasm to that and it makes sense to me.
“Case Closed” explained the type of spinal injury that can cause a head to snap back reflexively like that. There’s a technical term for it, but fuck if I can remember what, and I sold the book as soon as my Conspiracy Theories class ended.
Didn’t the back of his head essentially explode as well? That’s what happens with exit wounds when the bullet breaks apart, right?
Penn and teller proved that the head would move backwards
[www.youtube.com]
so did mythbusters but I can’t find a link to that one. I only felt the need to post because its the “one thing” Vince and Brendan get caught up on
This former Army sniper says that a round that large would snap the head back with its terminal velocity at impact.
David Icke is also a holocaust denier, which is somehow even more insane than his lizard people bullshit.
All things Mexican Predator need to go in the Best Of.
Seconded. That shit slays me.
This was an extremely interesting episode, but I fear it will expose many a visitor of this as full retard, like the person comparing an apple to a human fucking head as if they’re internal structures, density and molecular composition are similar enough that you could the high speed footage of a bullet tearing through an apple as a stand in for the head.
Best of 2012: Are you pulling together what would essentially be a clip show or are you going back to talk about the highlights of it? If it’s the latter, I think more Joe Sinclitico movie plots. Also, this isn’t really from 2012, but more stories from your days in the porn industry. Because “Menudo pussy” is remains the funniest thing I’ve ever heard.
Holy flappin’ duck shit would you guys let the man finish a sentence? This Lizard People thing sounds like something I need to know.
That’s how I felt. Every time Jason Dove would start talking he would get brutally trampled by multiple people and it made it hard to enjoy the jokes because I was constantly thinking “Just shut the fuck up for a few seconds! I want to hear about lizard people!”
Joe King’s movie pitches. The girl with the super squirting powers completely ruined me.
I totes predicted a black market in celebrity and athlete stool samples back in September. You may not like the paparazzi now, but just wait ’till they’re all trying to poach your poops.
Also, “Get up in them robo-guts!”
Best of 2012:
You guys making fun of the “malware in his bones” clip from Bones.
Eric D Snider reading the death-threat comment for his epic TDKR trolling.
Anytime Brendan does his impression of a black dude from his football team (“Halle Berry aint’ no 40!”)
Agree with the “Best of” suggestions above. Also, the whole butt chugging sequence (especially the southern lawyer), the Mexican Predator story, and the bit with the indie band names.
…aw, no I’m not serious about the last one. It was an “A” for effort though! (Maybe you could play the part where listeners gave their disgusted reactions to that bit. That part was amusing.)
Yeah, that was funny.
Nothing we’ve done has sparked more butthurt listener rage.
Mexican Predator is awesome. It’s almost drunken Lindy Kirk Douglas going down a log flume with a boner funny.
“Second cousins to John Kerry”? Holy shit. Which is more likely, everything Jason spent 30 minutes spent trying to explain all of the ins and outs of.. or the theory that some creepy asshole with a gun and military training made two out of three shots with a rifle from an elevated position?
OPEN YOUR EYES SHEEPLE
What do I want to see on the best of 2012 Frotcast? Hmm… thats a tough one. I’ll let you guys guess and if you’re right, I won’t hunt you down and shove sticks in your peeholes.
Sorry for the outburst… guess I’m going thru Burnsy withdrawl. Why he hasn’t been back on is the true conspiracy here!!
Best of 2012: That one time you guys talked about fencing in all the gays and air-dropping them crates of Mountain Dew & Flaming Hot Cheeto’s…..errr..I think it went something like that
I want the best of to have Vince talking about his plantation
If you play this backwards, there’s someone yelling “POOP!” in a gravelly voice for two hours.
I vote very much for blooping Bermuda Ben AND when Ben said that those girls weren’t any fun because they didn’t like rape, with bret ‘s horrified reaction.
The Human/Animal hybrid theory is all about genetics, which is what Bush was referring to in his speech. Read Next, by Michael Crichton, it’s pretty crazy.
Matt Louv’s letter from his Mom. That was probably the hardest I laughed all year. That and anything with Laremy. He’s always on his game for the laughs. And…fuck, Gborie, and Joe King. This is too hard! MOM!!!! HELP!!!
Matt Louv reading the letter from his mom has gotta be on the best of 2012
I would like to add all the Rich Kitchens stuff on the best of 2012. Loved that bit.
Definitely Mexican Predator and Matt Louv’s failed OkCupid messages, especially the one mentioning how her pictures make him hit the screen with his face like a moth
Best of 2012 Nomination: Vince calling back in from ComicCon and getting the bananaphone “I told you never to call me here” hangup.