It doesn’t get repeated often enough, but Fifty Shades of Grey started as Twilight S & M fan fiction written under the name “Snowqueens Icedragon.” (It’s unclear whether there was an apostrophe). Then, like an existentialist’s most masochistic boner fantasy about the animal nature of mankind, it spread through society like a venereal disease, eventually coming to encompass 
“Well, there is going to be a lot of sex in the film,” [screenwriter Kelly Marcel - pictured] says breezily. “It will be rated NC-17 [18 here]. It’s going to be raunchy.” While they are not toning it down — “We are 100% going there” — some of the sex scenes have had to be edited out in order to get some plot in. “We did go through and decide which are our favourites and which are not,” she concedes. “Most of them are in there, but I can’t say more than that.” By “we”, she means herself and EL James.
Marcel has just returned to her house and dogs in Twickenham, after spending 10 days hanging out with the author in LA, poring over Fifty Shades in James’s hotel room, “with me going, ‘I just love Christian Grey, I feel…’ ” she sighs theatrically, “‘very deeply for him.’ ”
Did she then point at her vagina? I hope she then pointed at her vagina. “But why did you say ‘very deeply’ twice?” “I didn’t.
Discussing the finer points of Grey’s performance became second nature, so much so that at one point, when they were discussing the “contract” in the book (what Anna will and won’t agree to sexually), the maid came in “and we just carried on talking, ‘Fisting or no fisting?’ And suddenly she stopped dead. The poor maid. It was hilarious.” [TheSundayTimes]
Poor maids, they don’t know nothin’ about sex without Arnold Schwarzenegger there to demonstrate. Anyway, the script isn’t finished, no one has been cast yet, and the interview never follows up on whether the movie will include fisting like the book apparently does. But I’m guessing yes. I mean, it is a love story.
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Filth on the big screen? I blame porn. Speaking of porn, they haven’t outlawed that on the internet yet have they?
Just checking.
I’ll admit that I’ve read it, and sadly there’s no actual fisting, just a mention of it in a contract that never goes in to effect anyway (spoiler alert, I guess?) My main take away from this terrible and uninspired series is that Middle America needs better porn. That’s my opinion of most things, though, so take that as you will.
Thats odd, usually women “return to their home in Twickenham” while reading 50 Shades of Grey, not after.
The Mighty Feklahr fervently hopes they cast Violent J as “Dead AIDS Pussy”!
Whoop Whoop!
I’m very sick with the flu right now, so I may be imagining things, but did I just read a Predator reference in a post about Fifty Shades of Grey? This is the best Christmas ever. This is why I love this place. Thank you Vince. All hail the overlord.
More like fifty shAIDS of GRIDS
+ several for the GRID reference. Very nice. Also disgusting, we’re all going to hell, blah blah AIDS.
Before it was called GRIDS do you think they just called it faggot cancer?
You made it weird.
Thanks folks, I’ll be lurking all night! ::cowers in corner::
God, she just loves being in the spotlight, talking about filthy things, doesn’t she? “How’d your interview go?” “Ooooh Gaaawd it was hilaaaaarious, I said “fisting” twice and eeeverything!”
I resent this entire production.
“Tee hee! We were so scandalous we even upset the maid! Couldn’t you just die?” Exactly. A pox on these people.
The maid was even more embarrassed when they said, “Phillipa, please bring me the nail clippers and then ask cook for the large tin of Crisco, please?”
It’s so irritating that all this is completely ok because it appeals to women and it’s all giggles and periods and my little ponies…..same with Magic Mike….
But women were up in jiggly arms over movies like Showgirls and Striptease….and if men tried to discuss our appreciation of Penthouse Forum in public, they would be absolutely disgusted.
And I’m actually as non-misogynistic and women’s-rights-oriented as it gets….but the whole thing is such a ridiculous double standard. And it’s also gross.
And yet these same women called Hemingway a misogynist when he wrote A Farewell to Jiggly Arms.
I thought Jillian Michaels wrote that.
There is no way this film gets released as NC-17. They’ll cut it down to at least an R when it hits theaters and then sell a kajillion unrated BluRay disks.
Doesn’t matter.
They can slip infinite dongs into a movie under the r-rating but any female genitalia = NC-17 (and before any ladies get all defensive…..boobs and pubic hair are not the same as genitals)
Because to the MPAA dongs are funny, vaginas are scary. ex. Facehuggers from Aliens and that half penis half vagina thing from Prometheus.
Heh heh, TFBuckFutter said “slip infinite dongs into.”
*end of Beavis & Butthead impression…FOR NOW*
No, the dong rule is only for humor. Remember the problem they had Fassenberger’s penis in Shame it was too “aggressive”.
Bro they should cast the Mexican predator as “christos greyngo” who announces “ey essay now for da fisting” and “you can’t see me cos you covered in my 50 shades of loove joose” essay
There aren’t enough shades of, “Ew, pass.”
Never thought I’d say this but I am sufficiently aroused by the level of long-haired gray pussy on a 50 Shades post.
I’ve never actually read any of these. Am I to understand they are a cross between the Oxygen Channel Movie of the week and Belladonna’s DP Gangbang?
“But I’m guessing yes. I mean, it is a love story.”
Well played Vince, well played.
Just like cleaning out a pumpkin…
The movie premier gift bag will have several types of lubricants, a diamond studded ball gag, a signed hard copy of the entire trilogy and a Kitty Carry-All.
I’d like to see this star Paul Dano so that I can completely and utterly avoid it.
Vince, I didn’t really read this post. I also didn’t really read the comments here. But I just wanted to say thank you for continuing to reiterate this point: “It doesn’t get repeated often enough, but Fifty Shades of Grey started as Twilight S & M fan fiction written under the name “Snowqueens Icedragon.” in all your writings about this topic.
Every time I write about it, I’m taken aback by how many people still don’t know that.
These two discussing “the art of fisting” in a hotel room? Sounds like NOFX’s “Liza and Louise”
My name is fat Mike, I’m obsessed with big lesbians…
“She said ‘Pen name’s Snowqueen, now would you take your clothes off please…”
Not that I haven’t thought about doing this for numerous movie premiers (Shrek 3D was a miscalculation on my part), but isn’t this just about the perfect one to go to in a trench coat, whip it out at the ~40min mark and see what happens?
I’d like to subscribe to your newsletter.
NC 17? More like NC-100! Amiriteorwhat?