
Now that’s a sensible jacket.
Before you get your hopes up, no the original Total Recall isn’t streaming and the above picture has no greater context for anything I’m about to share. I just feel like it’s important to honor cinema’s trailblazers and as we’ve already seen 2012′s three-breasted hooker, it was only appropriate to pay tribute to the original as well. As for movies that actually are streaming, this week’s Sleepwalk With Me is streaming, as is The Babymakers from a few weeks ago. If those don’t perk up your three nipples, here are some other suggestions that are all inspired by this week’s new DVDs. For no reason whatsoever other than to amuse myself, I have also limited my selections to films starting with the letter ‘B’:
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The Beguiled
I won’t pretend that I’ve heard of this movie before today, but it is streaming, stars Trouble With The Curve’s Clint Eastwood, and it starts with the letter ‘B’. This 1971 film was made back when Eastwood was seen as the type of guy who could ‘beguile’ the students at an all-girls’ school. Which, oddly enough, is what this film is about. It’s from Don Siegel, who directed Dirty Harry, so hopefully it’s also pretty bad-ass. Either way, it fits all of my criteria for this week, so you’d damn well better watch it.
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Bringing Out The Dead
This Martin Scorsese flick co-stars John Goodman, who is in Trouble With The Curve, even if I didn’t mention him in my write-up. This is the one with Nicolas Cage as a whacked-out EMT. It’s not Scorsese’s best work, nor is it Cage’s, but it is still a pretty fun watch, and I mentioned Cage in my coverage of The Good Doctor, so it seemed worth suggesting , so you’d damn well better watch it.
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Brick
Premium Rush’s Joseph Gordon-Levitt stars in this high school noir flick from Rian Johnson, who also gives us JGL in Looper on DVD in a couple weeks, which co-stars The Frozen’s Noah Segan, who is also in this film. Some people are bothered by this flick’s stylized and artificial dialogue, but I wasn’t. If you’ve seen enough noir, you recognize the style, and if you haven’t seen enough noir, Brick is a decent place to start, so you’d damn well better watch it.
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Bug
Premium Rush’s Michael Shannon co-stars in this film directed by Killer Joe’s William Friedkin and written by Killer Joe’s screenwriter, Tracy Letts. It’s about a man and a woman convinced that the government is placing insects in its citizens. I hear that this flick is pretty F’d up, if not quite to the level that Killer Joe is supposed to be, so if you’re too ‘chicken’ to watch Killer Joe (see what I did there? Because there’s that sex scene with the fried chicken, remember?), this is a slightly tamer alternative, so you’d damn well better watch it.



I don’t know if “Christ Pratt” was intentional, but it should be.
It wasn’t. I did the same thing with “Christ Kattan” a while back. I’m going to leave it, if only for your amusement.
So Trouble with the Curve is a baseball movie? I thought it was a rom-com about Peyronie’s disease.
I take umbrage tone on Jason Becker.
That’s a whole lot of movies I won’t be watching. Except maybe Android Insurrection when it hits SyFy.
Especially since my copy of Miami Connection arrived yesterday.
“LANGUAGE: Butt.”
This is the most delightful thing I’ve read all day. I think I’m just going to be repeating it at random moments for the next week or so.
I just added Killer Joe to my Netflix Q. I love a nice full bush
Apparently its just a merkin…
Come for the bush (heh) and stay for the movie, because it’s pretty great.
fuckin merkins…so deceiving,,i heard it was great. it was only playing in one theatre in east hipster bumfuck so i never got there
In The Fighter its the older brother that is the screw up, so now you have a movie you can relate to :)
That’s true, but Wahlberg loves his brother in that movie, so I’m back to not relating.
Godfather. The classic older brother fuck up AND he has him killed in part 2
Many people hate remakes because of their cynicism. The original Arnold movie was supposed to be a stupid action movie with hot chicks and violence. It didn’t pretend to be anything else. Not many people are actually committed fans of Total Recall, in the way that people are fans of Lord of the Rings or Star Trek. It does piss people off though when studios intentionally make shitty movies to extract money from people. It’s the difference between Kelly’s Heroes and Pearl Harbor. It’s the difference between Dumb & Dumber and The Hangover II.
Bug was kind of hard to watch, mostly because of Shannon’s amazing performance.
The Beguiled gives Hard Candy a run for its money and you don’t have to put up with Ellen Page’s forehead. Genuinely creepy.