Will and Jaden Smith prepare to watch The Last Airbender
Did you ever dream that one day Will Smith and his obnoxious son would team up with M. Night Shyamalan for a sci-fi film in the vein of Avatar? …Yeah, me, neither. I guess I lack a “European sensibility.” But for the rest of you paté-toting exposition lovers, today brings us the trailer for After Earth, M. Night Shyamalan’s follow up to The Last Airbender (combined RottenTomatoes score of Shyamalan’s last three movies: 47%), starring Will Smith and Jaden Smith, as a future general and his son crash landed and trying to survive on a now-dangerous Earth. Check out the trailer after the jump, but I warn you, Will Smith’s accent is a Keanu-in-Dracula level train wreck. It is glorious.
Is that… supposed to be… Southern? I didn’t even know he was supposed to have an accent until he pronounced “life” “laugh.” But I guess he needs the accent. I mean, you can’t have a movie set thousands of years in the future without Southern accents. MEEP MORP, YOU ARE CHANGING THAT BOY’S LIFE, MEEP MORP 0001101110111.
1,000 years after cataclysmic events forced humanity’s escape from Earth, Nova Prime is mankind’s new home. General Cypher Raige (Will Smith) returns from an extended tour of duty to his estranged family, ready to be a father to his 13-year-old son, Kitai (Jaden Smith). When an asteroid storm damages Cypher and Kitai’s craft, they crash-land on a now dangerous Earth. As his father lies dying in the cockpit, Kitai must trek across the planet to recover their rescue beacon. M. Night Shyamalan directs After Earth wrote it with Stephen Gaghan (Traffic) and Gary Whitta (The Book of Eli) and it hits theaters on June 7th, 2013.
Looks basically like a straight rip off of Avatar, right down to the character design. Of course, you’d be hard-pressed to combine two things I like less than M. Night Shyamalan and one of Will Smith’s dumb wiener kids, but that being said, this will all be worth it if Jaden Smith comes face to face with some drooling, razor-toothed jungle creature and tames it with one of his original, radio-friendly rap songs.
“My name’s Jaden Smith and I’m here to say, I empathize with saber-tooth tigers every day…”
You can tell me not all raps start with “My name is ___ and I’m here to say…” but I won’t be listening.
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The accent IS terrible, but I’d say it’s African-inspired, not Southern-fried.
“Will Smith’s accent is a Keanu-in-Dracula level train wreck.”
If it means we get to see him freaking out and emoting like crazy while his kid is eaten by Dracula brides, I’m seeing this thing twice.
“M. Night Shyamalan’s follow up to The Last Airbender (combined RottenTomatoes score of Shyamalan’s last three movies: 47%)”
I think it should be made clear that 47% is a total, not an average, lest 47% of film critics have their right to watch movies, let alone review them, revoked from the misunderstanding.
The tweest is that L. Ron Hubbard wins best original screenplay.
training… threats… evolved… fear is not real it is a product of thoughts you create… fear is a choice… this is earth…
If Avatar really is cribbed from Dianetics im’a gonna’ have to finally see that sum’bitch.
Two quotes this movie needs:
Will Smith: “Welcome to Earf!”
and
Jaden: “Where all the blue women at?”
Damn, while I was watching the trailer you beat me to the welcome to earf reference.
Dont forget: AW HEWL NAH!
That’s “Oh hell no!” for those unfamiliar with ebonics.
Bitch, please. Tom Hanks in Cloud Atlas wins for Best Ridicous Post-Apocalyptic Accent.
And pre-apocalyptic… and moderne… and… it goes on.
Yep, this just made it to the top of my DNW list.
If humanity had to leave Earth behind and it happened 1,000 years ago, then how can “everything on this planet has evolved to kill humans.” There wouldn’t be humans there. Seems kinda stupid. It’s far more likely that Will and Jaden would meet up with a whole bunch of animals that don’t fear man, like early explorers meeting up with penguins.
More like AfterBirf, amiright?
while I think this looks bad and you’d have to drag me to see it, I’m missing the Avatar connections, other than the jungle
I’d watch a movie in which every decision was laugh or death.
We already know how this one ends.
Jaden grows up to be Morgan Freeman and kidnaps Tom Cruise.
Relevant:
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Very :)
Maybe they just didn’t show it, but how come humans didn’t evolve? Or is M night trying to say humans are already as evolved as possible?!?!?
Because 1000 years is chump-change. Not enough time for anything to notably evolve
Literally doesn’t matter about science, logic, or rational thought. This movie is going to have some shittay “twist” ending that everyone will see coming just like every other of Shamalamadindong’s horrible films. That being said, this reminds me of a live action Lion King. I am crossing my fingers for Timon and Pumba.
then why did the animals evolve?
Shhhhhh, don’t confuse them with logic.
Even if they had evolved, did you expect them to look notably different? Like Star Trek’s alien races? Evolved to have some shit on their face? There’s a theory that humans have evolved rapidly over just the past 10k years due to civilization, but that doesn’t mean we look that different from 1-2,000 years ago.
Most of the animals peeked in the trailer look fairly normal too, perhaps a bit prehistoric actually.
I would assume some amount of change would have occurred. And yes evolution can be looked at in two ways. One that we are continuously changing, but very slow and gradual. Or two, we go long periods without change, then have big quick changes. Humans as we are today (Homo sapien sapiens) have only existed for around 10,000 yrs. But in that time we have changed. Even something like developing the Sickle Cell trait in AA to help survive in areas with malaria. I only postulated the question because the voice over says everything on the planet has evolved to kill humans (which is also stupid since there are/haven’t been any humans there for that entire period of evolution) so the assumption would be that humans should have evolved during that time too. And not exactly should we look too different, but from the trailer the deer and new saber-tooth cat are definitely very different looking than anything on earth now.
How could anything evolve if all the peanut butter is gone?
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I remember that Noah put two jars of peanut butter on the ark
Nitpick: Homo sapiens sapiens is more like 100,000 years old, not 10,000.
1. Even M. Night’s TRAILERS need to have a stupid twist at the end.
2. Cypher Raige sounds like the name a middle school kid would give to a superhero he invented. Special Power: Hacking.
Could this be the big budget movie that finally kills the “everything Will Smith stars in is box office gold” idea?
“Wild Wild West” killed that idea in 1999.
Spoiler alert: Jaden Smith is dead the whole time.
Spoiler Alert: Will Smith dies at the very start of the film and is a hologram. Until the battery dies on the ship that is, that way Lil Smiff gets to mourn his father twice.
Hahha I’m pretty sure this is it. Dude’s gonna be dead the whole time.
Spoiler Alert: Fuck this movie in the face.
Spoiler Alert:The old Lady did it
Even a Monster-swilling 13-year-old who writes Gears of War fanfic thinks GENERAL CYPHER RAIGE is the stupidest goddamn name ever.
Wait thats his name? That sounds like a generic video game first boss. “Yes I am General CYPHER RAIGE Prepare To Die Puny Human!!! God I hope Will Smith tries to kill his son in this.
We should have a contest for what the stupid twist at the end of the movie will be. Or maybe it’s the middle if Shamalyan wants to mix it up. Twist on a Twist BRAAAAAAAAAHHMMM.
My guess would be that this isn’t 1000 years AFTER earth, it’s some kind of Star Wars long long time ago thing, and humanity was a great technological civilization a million years ago but got wiped out. Something stupid like that.
Ooooh I wanna play. I actually think what you said is pretty plausible as his “twist” ending, or some slight variation. I mean, if this is actually pre-historic Earth…sorry, Earf, that would be on way to go and would put it firmly in Battlestar Galactica territory. He could elect to go for some kind of “the ship accidentally passed through a time warp” kind of ending and put it firmly in the Lost In Space remake zone.
I’d also put a few bucks down on some time at the end of the film other humans emerge from underground when they’d previously believed all human life on Earf was extinct.
Spoiler Alert: The new super-scary animals on Earth Achilles’s heel is water and wooden doors
Is this just the flipside to that Tom Cruise movie we just got a trailer to? Except he fights super-evolved tigers and so many cgi animals, instead of Morgan Freeman?
“The Neverending Story” did the Coming of Age/Face Your Fears thing better, and it didn’t have any weiner Smith kids in it.
How hard did you cry when Artex died?
Oh, bro, *so* hard. He’s his best friend, he’s a sweet-ass horse, and he DROWNS in MUCK. Atreyu tries and tries but he can’t save him, and those big horse-eyes screaming “Why, Atreyu?!”…man. I’m going to my room.
Why on Earth, I mean Earf, did they equip him with a sad horse? Have you watched Neverending Story recently? I tell you h-what, save your precious childhood memories and don’t watch it ever again.
Needs more “BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHMMMM!”
Its like someone read the hate mail I send to random places and made this to hurt me.
“Everything on Earth has evolved to kill you.”
Please tell me this is a sequel to The Happening.
Well this certainly looks more entertaining than Avatar.
I hate Shyamalan as much as the next guy but this at least seems to be marginally better than the last few things he’s done. I thought the beginning of the trailer was pretty good.
So its a prequel-sequel to Planet of the Apes right? Two ethnics take over earf with their advanced knowledge of cool trends and get the animals to accept them as their king. YOLO#
Well watched it with no sound so I thought it was pretty funny to see what I could get from the french subtitles. A few gripes with this dumb looking movie: They have wingsuits and are in the future but no jetpacks or other way to land? Jaden is gonna break his face and/or legs landing with that. That stupid cgi cat (WHY ARE THERE SABRETOOTHS IN THE FUTURE and on that matter why are there dinosaurs seriously why did you just implant jurassic park and 10000 BC into this?) would have fallen through the hilariously thin amount of vines that it somehow walks on. Then the whole, stare at the ground with two weapons to look like a badass instead of actually looking for where the hell you are going to be attacked. Seriously kid, are you blind and having to rely on your hearing or just that dumb that you don’t think that whatever is making you stand in a river with two knives is good enough to kill you. Could have been fine if Will Smith had to rescue his son but NOPE gotta make this a dumb weiner kid coming of age flick who turns into a badass inexplicably.
Oh movie tropes I wish we could get along but you are just too crazy for me.
Oh I forgot to mention how they purposefully black out stuff like the lights are going out in the ship to add tension, that is somehow the most irritating thing that I think you can do and it.always.happens. in disaster movie trailers.
The twist will be that they’ve actually traveled millions of years into the past through some kind of wormhole, hence the dinosaurs and sabretooths.
I typed that as a joke initially. Now I’m not so convinced that won’t be the case.
That looks to be the case. In M night’s latest film millions of years ago we were a more advanced society and then it all fell apart. Then he will scream about parallels and his genius while avoiding the topic of where the hell they got all these resources to build all these fancy crafts and why the hell he would cast Will Smith’s kid. I guess that last one answers itself – $.
Ahh, the post before the M. Night ShammyShoo one was the review of Scott Pilgrim. Good times, internet
I bet right now, Will Smith is a hologram
As long as the future has diamond studded earrings and quick, efficient ways to annoy others, Jaden Smith will survive.
He kills everything when he finds a microphone and starts rapping.
The twist is that this time, the HUMANS infect the MONKEYS with AIDS
I already figured out the twist. Earth was dead the whole time.
The twist is that they land on a prehistoric Earth. Before man. When they figure this out, they set off the distress beacon and colonise Earth all over again vowing not to repeat the same mistakes as before.
And this means that Jaden Smith, yes, Jaden Smith, is the origin of our race.
First off, 1000 years isn’t even remotely long enough for any kind of relevant evolution to occur and a sixth grader could tell you that!! Shyammy Swammy and his league of retards sure did they’re homework on this one!!