This Week in Posters, With Tyler Perry’s Latest Masterpiece

Here's Harrison Ford in the first still from Ender's Game, co-starring Asa Butterfield and directed by Gavin Hood. I was only vaguely familiar with the source material, but it's apparently a big-deal sci-fi novel that won Hugo and Nebula awards in 1985 and has been in movie development forever.

Set in Earth's future, the novel presents an imperiled humankind who have barely survived two conflicts with the Formics (an insectoid alien species normally called "Buggers" by most of the population). These aliens show an ant-like group behavior, and are very protective of their leader, much like Earth ants protecting their queen. In preparation for an anticipated third invasion, an international fleet maintains a school to find and train future fleet commanders. The world's most talented children, including the novel's protagonist, Ender Wiggin, are taken at a very young age to a training center known as the Battle School. There, teachers train them in the arts of war through increasingly difficult games including ones undertaken in zero gravity in the Battle Room, where Ender's tactical genius is revealed.

I haven't read it, but it sounds similar to Starship Troopers. And whereas Starship Troopers got some flak for its fascist overtones, Ender's Game writer Orson Scott Card was more of a sodomy-is-a-sin kind of a guy, as he wrote to his fellow Mormons back in 1990:

The argument by the hypocrites of homosexuality that homosexual tendencies are genetically ingrained in some individuals is almost laughably irrelevant. We are all genetically predisposed toward some sin or another; we are all expected to control those genetic predispositions when it is possible. It is for God to judge which individuals are tempted beyond their ability to bear or beyond their ability to resist. But it is the responsibility of the Church and the Saints never to lose sight of the goal of perfect obedience to laws designed for our happiness.

Meanwhile, Hollywood loves the gays (Brett Ratner excepted), so it will be interesting to see if they try to compensate for Card in the movie version. Maybe get the Modern Family kid to play his best friend.

I laugh every time I look at this kid's dopey facial expression and stupid hat. Again, I'm not sure what I'm supposed to take away from this poster, other than that this is a movie about people who've been overstyled. This is what you'd look like in high school if your mom was a stylist and you didn't have any friends to melvin you when you showed up looking like a tool.

This is the Olive Garden of movie posters. Not even. This is the local Olive Garden-knockoff of movie posters.

Here's an Asian poster for The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, which I've actually heard mostly positive things about. That said, I'm still waiting for Dev Patel to play someone who I don't immediately want to wedgie.

Here's GI Joe: Retaliation going old school with the classic "Pillar of Dudes" design. Also starring... lens flares!

As we highlighted the other day, here's the newest poster for Man of Steel, which many commenters pointed out looks a lot like that old Piracy is a Crime campaign.

Ernest Borgnine plays Rex Page, an old man who is bitter about never becoming famous and having lived a life without any meaning. After suffering a stroke, he ends up in a nursing home staffed by Latin American immigrants. Put off by the situation, Rex focuses his energy on getting out, which places him at odds with the Latino workers. However, their relationship takes on new meaning when it is discovered that he once shook hands with Vicente Fernandez, a Mexican singer, producer and actor idolized throughout Latin culture. The employees soon begin to treat Rex like the celebrity he's always dreamed of being.

You know, I'd see that. Though I wonder if Vicente Fernandez knew how much Borgnine masturbates when he agreed to shake his hand.

This is gross, neither of them are wearing pants. Ah, college.

Here's a German poster for The Oranges. Oranges would totally have zippers if they had been created by Germans.

I originally read "mi piace" (I like, in Italian) as "mi place." As in, "Excuse me, my place, your father," which I like much better.

I liked this poster better when it was called The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel. What's this one about again? Singers in an old folks home? I call it "The Best Exotic Melody Hotel."

What's up with the bricks? Clive Owen is built like a brick sh*thouse, they're trying to say. Maybe?

HA, STOKER, MORE LIKE STROKER, 'CAUSE THAT'S WHAT YOUR MOM'S DOING, TO YOUR UNCLE.

Sorry, thanks to the trailer, that's the only thing I can think about with this movie.

Here's Upstream Color, from Shane Carruth, which is playing Sundance. I'm almost positive this above-shot, fully-clothed couple in the bathtub pose has been used before, but I can't remember in what. Cool story, huh?

"In a million years, school children gonna know that once there was a Hushpuppy and she lived with her daddy in the bathtub."