This supercut from Film.com called “The Year’s Worst Movies Review Themselves” is pretty much exactly what it sounds like, and seems like it was fairly straightforward to put together, other than the obvious chore of having to sit through these movies. Dark Shadows sits there in my subconscious, like a repressed molestation memory. Nonetheless, it’s strangely watchable. Unlike most of these movies.

Any day now, a white van is going to pull up to my house. Men in black jump suits will jump out holding butterfly nets and they’ll drag me, kicking and screaming, inside, as the tires screech and my screams of “JOHN CARTER WASN’T THAT BAAAAAAAD….” is the last thing my neighbors hear.