My grandfather turns 95 this Sunday. Every time I see him, he asks me again what I do for a living. He once asked, “The internet… now that’s on computers?” Anyway, I was at his birthday party this past weekend, and I discovered that he carries around a cheat sheet in his wallet to remember what I do. This is that cheat sheet.
MORNING LINKS
The Honest Trailer for Dark Knight Rises |Film Drunk|
Never Forget Fat Betty: 20 TV GIFs That Defined 2012 |Warming Glow|
The Nominees For ‘Best Original Song’ At The Adult Video News Awards Are Amazing |UPROXX|
Reddit Users Really Love The L.A. Lakers |With Leather|
Time To Amend Your Christmas Lists: A Burger Making Robot Has Been Invented |Gamma Squad|
In San Francisco this Friday? Come see me and Matt Louv riff on bad movies. You’ll also get some stand up from Jordan Morris from Jordan-Jesse Go. |FreshLikeACadaver|
Gruden Talk: Jon Gruden Discusses The Fiscal Cliff With Former OMB Director David Stockman |Kissing Suzy Kolber|
You can find beauty in the strangest places |theChive|
30 Most Disturbing Face Swaps Of 2012 |Buzzfeed|
Am I Looking At Ke$ha From The Front Or Back? |The Superficial|
If Kate Has Twins, Who Ascends The Throne? |Mental Floss|
The Perfect Crime: Teen Posts Video About Robbing A Bank After Robbing A Bank |Videogum|
Mr. Burns Explains The Fiscal Cliff |HuffPost|
Rob Kardashian Wants Women To Respect Themselves That’s All |IDLYITW|
Now THAT’S how you promote your Tolkien books |Fark|
7 Sci-Fi Remakes With Vastly Improved Special Effects |Screen Junkies|
If Your Awkward Sex Life Were a Romance Novel |College Humor|
The 12 Douchiest Movie Boyfriends |Pajiba|
5 Reasons Why Burton’s Wonka Movie is Better than That Other One |Unreality|
The 10 Greatest Prank Videos of 2012 |Brobible|
The Science of Plan B Emergency Contraception |High Definite|
NOMINATE for Comments of the Week. FOLLOW Vince on Twitter.
FAN US on Facebook. SUBSCRIBE to the Frotcast.
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/06/Han-Solo-Boner-light-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/06/tumblr_lznwygaRmQ1ro2tiio1_1280-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/06/steve-jobs-copy-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/06/honest-trailer-superman-iv-filmdrunk-150x150.jpg)
You’re lucky, my grandpa’s cheat sheet for me just says “pussy”
Mine ended with “Possibly Gay”
So you were rummaging through your grandpa’s wallet while he was distracted by the cake and candles?
Things might be tough in the “reviews movies” business but he needs that Social Security check to buy his medicine, Vince…
I glanced at it quickly and thought it said “Vince out masturbating.”
Very close to what I thought too. Was going to ask how Gramps knew.
How Gramps knew? Who do you think taught Vince how to do it?
More plot up there than Tree of Life. Brings a tear to my eye.
That cheat sheet is epitaph material
I have an aunt who keeps a notebook, she has eight nieces and nephews and fifteen or so other various relatives that she keeps track of their likes and dislikes for birthdays and Christmas. It’s actually kinda sweet.
But yeah, I thought it said, “Vince out masturbating,” too. Also kinda sweet.
Regardless of what it says, it almost certainly means “Vince out masturbating.”
Well at least he’s trying
I hope you cribbed that one and the one next to it that read, “LOWER TROUSERS, LOWER BRIEFS, SIT DOWN ON TOILET, EVACUATE BOWELS”.
I thought Grandpa was a Star Wars fan and writing about his favorite little pisher in short-hand code: “Vince Obi [Wan Kenobi], [Jedi] Master.”
So I guess I’m the only one that saw that AMB wrote the morning links and assumed that AMB’s grandpa carries a cheat sheet to remind him who Vince is?
No, actually Ashley’s grandpa calls him “Vince.”
That actually makes total and complete sense now.
Alternately, this confirms the rumour that there are no such people as “AMB,” “Ashley Burns,” “Morton Salt,” etc. They’re all Vince, he’s ripping off Uproxx for multiple paychecks.
ashley montgomery burns?
Wait, there are paychecks involved in this?
I found a similar note in my Grandfather’s wallet. It read: Stephanie. Days Inn. Solid 6. Swallows.
This Days Inn you speak of…you don’t happen to have the number and address as well I suppose? Cause if you did, I would like to acquire them from you…for…research purposes. All very formal stuff, I’ll be wearing a lab coat and goggles.
Swallows? Your grandfather a bird watcher?
Standad annual interaction:
“Hey Vince, how’s the, uh… Writing?”
“Good, grandpa. It’s going real good.”
“You still, ahh… …Reviewing movies on the computer?”
“Yeah, grandpa, on the Internet.”
“That’s right, that’s right. The inter net.”
The not-recommended extended version:
“I also get together with some buddies once a week and do the Frotcast.”
“…Say again, now(?)”
“It’s a podcast that you can download off of my website or from iTunes.”
“…
…
Well good for you then. Run along now.”
“I also get together with some buddies once a week and do the Frotcast.”
“Why Vince, I thought you liked girls. Oh well, we all love you anyway.”
My Papa’s cheat sheet reminds him to remind me that I should be working on my screenplays and that I’m a liberal retard.
-Jacks off on couches
-anal fissure
-Nairs butthole
-wears plaid
-does jungle monkey karate
This is a tough one… but I’m going to guess… is it “Kevin Clash”?
Mine says: “Dave got ba in English. Is waiting patiently for me to die so he can have some money.”
Vince–I too have an MFA in creative writing (fiction). Can I post the link to my newest story?
Marone, doesn’t read “Reviews-a da mooovies.”
We’ve been misled.