You guys, sit tight, because I’m still working on bringing you comprehensive coverage of awards season and Sundance. But in the meantime, please enjoy this, via Variety, what may be the most perfect arthouse movie synopsis of all time:

“Top of the Lake” (Australia-New Zealand) — Directed by Jane Campion and Garth Davis, written by Campion and Gerard Lee. A six-hour film in which a pregnant 12-year-old girl stands chest deep in a frozen lake. Stars Elisabeth Moss, Holly Hunter, Peter Mullan and David Wenham.

(*thunderous finger snaps*)

You think all those actors play the pregnant 12-year-old standing in a lake at different stages of her ordeal? I’m intrigued.

—

–

Okay, okay, so the longer version is:

Top of the Lake / Australia, New Zealand (Directors: Jane Campion, Garth Davis, Screenwriters: Jane Campion, Gerard Lee) — A 12-year-old girl stands chest deep in a frozen lake. She is five months pregnant, and won’t say who the father is. Then she disappears. So begins a haunting mystery that consumes a community. Cast: Elisabeth Moss, Holly Hunter, Peter Mullan, David Wenham. This six-hour film will screen once during the Festival. [Indiewire]

And apparently it’s a miniseries, hence the length (though I still don’t know how you screen a miniseries at a film festival). But I love the idea that Variety’s synopsis guy was just feeling particularly disgruntled that day. Must’ve just seen a Jane Campion movie.