Those boots aren’t safe when riding a bicycle.
This week we’ve got a few new additions to Netflix, so let’s get them out of the way, shall we? There’s Polisse, My Friend Bernard, Small, Beautifully Moving Parts, Footloose (the remake), and Bernie. I’ve heard good things about Bernie, so maybe that’s the one to watch. If you’ve seen it already or simply can’t stand Jack Black, here are a few other suggestions:
-
Paper Man
Today is Emma Stone’s birthday (she’s 24) and she’s in The Amazing Spider-Man, so I decided to find a flick to suggest with her in it. The best I’ve got to offer is this film about Jeff Daniels as a writer whose two best friends are a teenage girl (Stone) and Captain Excellent, an imaginary superhero played by Ryan Reynolds. I don’t know if this film is good or not, but it has provided me with an excuse to use the above photo, so I’m not complaining.
-
Humpday
Your Sister’s Sister director Lynn Shelton and star Mark Duplass previously made this film in which Duplass’s character and his best friend dare each other to have sex with one another and film it for an amateur porn festival. The problem is, they’re both straight and Duplass is married. Do amateur porn festivals even exist? I’m pretty sure that’s just called the internet.
-
Set Up
Lest you think Bruce Willis’ participation in Fire With Fire heralds an unfortunate turn in his career, I present this film from last year in which he again co-stars with 50 Cent, and which also went straight to DVD. So despite appearing in critically-favored flicks like Moonrise Kingdom and Looper, he’s been cashing easy paychecks for acting in sh*tty movies for some time now. If there’s anything to get nervous about, it’s that looking at his career of late, I’m suspecting Willis thinks Looper and Moonrise were the easy paycheck films.
-
Jude
I was perhaps a little too succinct in my analysis of Trishna, Michael Winterbottom’s adaptation of Thomas Hardy’s Tess of the d’Ubervilles. To make amends, I’m suggesting this film, Winterbottom’s adaption of Hardy’s Jude the Obscure. I wanted to suggest Winterbottom’s film The Claim, which is an adaptation of Hardy’s The Mayor of Casterbridge (and stars Hirokin: The Last Samurai’s Wes Bentley) but it isn’t streaming, so instead you’re stuck with this flick that is rated R for strong sexuality and stars a then-21-year-old Kate Winslet. I’m sorry for the inconvenience.
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/32/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/Wolverine-Tripod-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/Morgan-Freeman-last-vegas-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/if-i-showed-you-all-the-money-shots-in-pacific-rim-youd-have-a-70-minute-orgasm-filmdrunk-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/Tomorrow-Youre-Gone-150x150.jpg)
Hirokin looks fun. I’ll pass on Spiderman though.
Spiderman should be dick punched and I’d like Emily Blunt to sit on my face.
Of course you would, who wouldn’t? Even gay dudes would let her sit on their face.
Fire With Fire was absolute garbage, it literally made less sense then Memento. Vinie Jones gets killed by lightly tapping his head on a garbage bin? C’mon hollywood, I watched him get hit harder than that on a security video of him getting his shit kicked in.
Spider-Man. I really wanted to hate that movie, I usually agree with Vince’s reviews (not all the time, Shame for example is fantastic in my opinion but it has to do with my personal life) and I was not seeking to see that movie. But I watched it not an hour ago and yes I know we already kinda know the story, and absolutely yes, the whole bullying is not only cliché and clumsy but downright stupid. But fuck if Martin Sheen didn’t move me, and Stone and Garfield didn’t make me believe in their story. I was the kind of asshole who would use the whole made in a hurry by Sony so that they wouldn’t lose the rights argument ad vitam eternam but I now realized it’s not even an argument. Studios take sometimes years to make shitty movies, so good ones can be made in the constraints of delay and obligation. I didn’t love it, but I liked it quite much. It was a bit more engaging on the emotion level than Raimi’s first opus, but busier and sillier, and not in a good way. Not a draw, but not an impossible comparison either.
Spiderman gets dick punched in the movie and personally I’d let Emma Stone sit on my face.
I agree. I figured I’d like it when I went it, that’s my thing. I really enjoyed it, much more than any of Raimi’s. I get people’s arguments that it’s just a rehash, but I thought it was different enough and his portrayal of Peter was a complete one-up on Maquire’s that it felt fresh enough. I mean it’s starting a new franchise based on an origin, so unless they make Uncle Ben an astronaut and don’t kill him, yeah you’re going to see the same thing. But again, I felt it was done different enough and with so much more emotion than it was before. And that’s just the first half of the movie, once you get into everything else I thought it really stood on it’s own. And as a nerd-wish, I could see Garfield’s Spider-man being in the Avengers with Iron Man and Cap. Just for shits, try imagining Maquire in that group, if he could stop crying long enough.
Actually, there is an amateur porn festival in Seattle every year hosted by The Stranger. It’s called Hump.
[www.thestranger.com]
Sure enough. Still seems a little unnecessary considering.
I enjoyed the The Amazing Spider-Man. I thought it was pretty fresh. Paper Man was quite enjoyable IMO too.
I produced a Beary Scary Movie. if you like doodoo jokes you’ll it.