
Don’t cry Pee-Wee, you look f*cking amazing for a sixty-year-old!
Not a whole lot going on in the world of streaming this week, but what there is actually shows some substance: as far as back-catalog picks go, Netflix has added The Pact, High Ground and The Flowers Of War. More interesting perhaps, is that two of this week’s new movies are also streaming –and both look watchable in their own unique way. First up is that teen magicians doc, Make Believe, and having seen it, it’s definitely worth your time. Also up is that clone antichrist flick Devil’s Angel. Better still, it’s streaming under its original title, I’m Not Jesus Mommy. That one should be hard to resist. If you need even more to watch, check out these flicks:
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Submarine
This is that British flick written and directed by Richard Ayoade (that black dude from The Watch) and starring that little fella from Comes A Bright Day. As near as I can figure, this film is basically Rushmore set in England. The critics like it, and I’ve heard good things in general, so it’s probably a safe watch. Unfortunately, Imogen Poots isn’t’ in it, but some actress named Elinor Crawley plays a character named Abby Smuts –so it certainly has its quota of British-sounding names.
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Clueless
Amy Heckerling’s Vamps doesn’t look that great, but it would be unfair of me to not acknowledge that her film Clueless is streaming. Personally, I’m not that big of a fan, but Clueless certainly has its defenders -regardless of my feelings. You want to know which other Heckerling film is streaming and that also has its defenders? Look Who’s Talking Too. This time Roseanne voices one of the talking babies!
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2 Days In Paris
Just like Clueless, it would be unfair of me to not mention that this film –the predecessor to this week’s 2 Days In New York- is streaming. Just like Clueless, this film is probably not that great despite having its fans. You know what? I’d rather re-watch Look Who’s Talking Too than watch this or Clueless. I just can’t get enough of that white-hot sexual chemistry between Kirstie Alley and John Travolta.
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Life During Wartime
Dark Horse writer/director Todd Solondz’ most infamous film is 1998’s Happiness, and as a result, most people have at least seen or heard about the clips I shared from it earlier. But did you know Solondz made a sequel to Happiness in 2009? Life During Wartime revisits the lives of the Happiness characters, but with an all-new cast playing the parts. Paul ‘Pee-Wee Herman’ Reubens (pictured above) takes over Jon Lovitz’ role from Happiness. Just so, Michael K. Williams now plays Philip Seymour Hoffman’s part. I haven’t seen this yet, so I don’t know if their character still calls up women while jerking off, but I will say that if he does, his penis is probably significantly bigger than it was before. Because he’s a black dude now. Jesus, do I have to spell out everything?



Spoiler alert: Savages features neither Blake Lively nor Salma Hayek hooters. It does, however, have anonymous bare-breasted hookers & nekkid man-butt, if you’re jonesing for that.
But the DVD is unrated. There is still hope.
Point well taken. We await your report!
Savages was horrible, and as nice as Blake Lively is to look at, when she reads the voice over dialogue off the page (because there’s no way she took the time to learn it and still sound so awful), it sounds like she’s reading it for the first time.
That and Benicio del Toro licks up spit. That, and a stupid ending, is really all this movie has to offer.
Seriously, what a boring waste of two hours.
There were a ton of maddeningly horrible things about Savages, but the worst had to be the dialogue. A grown adult wrote the word “wargasms” and then convinced other grown adults to say it aloud and no one stepped up and said “That is horribly stupid.” How does that happen?
Johnny Pemberton said it best:
[twitter.com]
I’m guessing it was the same grown adult who wrote the lines “I know it sounds like Star Wars, love, but this could be your chance to Captain America!” and “he’s a monkey dancing on a razorblade” in Wall Street II. Poor Oliver Stone, cocaine is a helluva drug.
[filmdrunk.uproxx.com]
Brave isn’t Pixar’s best, but it’s a shitton better than the Cars movies.
Plus, it’s not as cliche “GIRL POWER TOMBOY KICK ASS” as you’d think. I mean, the protagonist is still a tomboy, but it’s more about family and responsibility and tradition and all that heartwarming stuff.
And now I’m wondering who “Jesus Mommy” is, if not him.
Right? I even double checked while I was writing this, and there is no comma in that title.
I think a movie about a young boy who does claim to be “Jesus Mommy” would probably be fairly interesting.
The Dark Horse trailer had a disturbing lack of disturbing material. I hope it lives up to my expectations as one of those movies no one in my immediate circle would even think of watching but I think is the shit.
I watched the first Saints & Soldiers on Hulu a year or two ago. The production values were pretty decent but it turns out it’s a Mormon movie so the soldiers don’t swear and they all find god or something. It was a bit creepy.
I watched the original Saints & Soldiers a few years ago on DVD. If you go to IMDB and look up the people in it, their bios were all spectacular. The American guy who played the British pilot has this as part of his Trivia section:
“He is known for his ability to do “voices” and characters.”
I’m sure he is a very nice man, but the first three words of that sentence are a bald face lie.
Casa de mi padre is up on Netflix.