Ham it up all you want, Stiller. I’m still watching that old dude pick his nose instead of watching you.
There are a lot of new DVDs this week, and The Watch (pictured above) is just one of them. There’s also the latest Pixar flick and the latest Oliver Stone film. There are films starring Christopher Walken, John Travolta, Chris Rock, and Sean Astin. There are vamps and vampires, dark horses, devil’s angels, British thieves and British prison guards. We’ve got two Dove Foundation-approved films, and one of them even stars an Oscar-nominee. It’s an exciting week to watch films on DVD -especially if you don’t limit your viewing choices to this week’s admittedly mediocre new releases.
The DVDs:
The Watch
Brave
Savages
Vamps
2 Days In New York
Dark Horse
The Queen Of Versailles
Natural Selection
Highway
Amazing Love: The Story Of Hosea
Comes A Bright Day
Lukewarm
Prairie Love
A Beer Tale
Screwed
Dust Up
The Ghostmaker
3 Times A Charm
Devil’s Angel
Vampires: Brighter In Darkness
One of this week’s movies has a loose tie to The Beatles. If you want to know which one, continue reading. Curious which Oscar-nominee is making Dove-approved films now? Continue reading. Want to watch a movie right this very second?
Streaming
Click here for the Netflix suggestions, but if you do, you’ll never find out which film involves a cannibalistic drug lord -unless you come back and read the article after you’ve watched your Netflix movie, in which case, we’re all good. But seriously, why the rush?
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Spoiler alert: Savages features neither Blake Lively nor Salma Hayek hooters. It does, however, have anonymous bare-breasted hookers & nekkid man-butt, if you’re jonesing for that.
But the DVD is unrated. There is still hope.
Point well taken. We await your report!
Savages was horrible, and as nice as Blake Lively is to look at, when she reads the voice over dialogue off the page (because there’s no way she took the time to learn it and still sound so awful), it sounds like she’s reading it for the first time.
That and Benicio del Toro licks up spit. That, and a stupid ending, is really all this movie has to offer.
Seriously, what a boring waste of two hours.
There were a ton of maddeningly horrible things about Savages, but the worst had to be the dialogue. A grown adult wrote the word “wargasms” and then convinced other grown adults to say it aloud and no one stepped up and said “That is horribly stupid.” How does that happen?
Johnny Pemberton said it best:
[twitter.com]
I’m guessing it was the same grown adult who wrote the lines “I know it sounds like Star Wars, love, but this could be your chance to Captain America!” and “he’s a monkey dancing on a razorblade” in Wall Street II. Poor Oliver Stone, cocaine is a helluva drug.
[filmdrunk.uproxx.com]
Brave isn’t Pixar’s best, but it’s a shitton better than the Cars movies.
Plus, it’s not as cliche “GIRL POWER TOMBOY KICK ASS” as you’d think. I mean, the protagonist is still a tomboy, but it’s more about family and responsibility and tradition and all that heartwarming stuff.
And now I’m wondering who “Jesus Mommy” is, if not him.
Right? I even double checked while I was writing this, and there is no comma in that title.
I think a movie about a young boy who does claim to be “Jesus Mommy” would probably be fairly interesting.
The Dark Horse trailer had a disturbing lack of disturbing material. I hope it lives up to my expectations as one of those movies no one in my immediate circle would even think of watching but I think is the shit.
I watched the first Saints & Soldiers on Hulu a year or two ago. The production values were pretty decent but it turns out it’s a Mormon movie so the soldiers don’t swear and they all find god or something. It was a bit creepy.
I watched the original Saints & Soldiers a few years ago on DVD. If you go to IMDB and look up the people in it, their bios were all spectacular. The American guy who played the British pilot has this as part of his Trivia section:
“He is known for his ability to do “voices” and characters.”
I’m sure he is a very nice man, but the first three words of that sentence are a bald face lie.
Casa de mi padre is up on Netflix.