Not that we’re counting.

Opening Everywhere: Wreck-It Ralph, Flight, The Man with the Iron Fists

FilmDrunk Suggests: Sorry, I don’t mean by the title and banner image that there aren’t any good movies this weekend. In fact, I’m super stoked about Wreck-It Ralph and The Man with the Iron Fists. And while people are saying great things about Flight (except Vince, who hated it), I can’t see it because I already hate flying enough as it is, and the last thing I need is the thought that I should give my pilot a breathalyzer when I fly from Orlando to Seattle. Mainly, go see the RZA’s directorial debut or the adorable movie about video game characters.

More Q-Bert, PLZ.

Wreck-It Ralph

Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 85% critics, 90% audience

Gratuitous Review Quotes:

“It’s impossible not to feel a strong sense of nostalgic amusement, if not sheer delight, at the comings and goings of all these characters.” – Dave McGinn, Globe and Mail

“Amid all the boring crashing and chasing and slapstick, there are some brilliant flashes of wit (particularly a reference to the guards in the Wizard of Oz).” – Kyle Smith, NY Post (Uhhhh, between the poop and the crap, there’s good stuff, uhhhh.)

Armchair Analysis: The only people who don’t like this movie are people who had ColecoVision as kids.

A BLACK PILOT?!?!

Flight

Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 76% critics, 85% audience

Gratuitous Review Quotes:

“It’s a well-made movie. But after its opening, harrowing action sequence, the film turns into one of the most familiar stories of our time – a downward addiction and denial spiral.” – Tom Long, Detroit News

“It’s 150 minutes long, goes by in a shot, and for at least 135 minutes, it’s a thoroughly engrossing experience.” – Mick LaSalle, San Francisco Chronicle

Armchair Analysis: Nope. Not a chance. Unless someone invents teleportation, I ain’t seeing this. If I do, I’ll be walking everywhere.

Aw, poor widdle Wussell is tired.

The Man with the Iron Fists

Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 62% critics, 83% audience

Gratuitous Review Quotes:

“‘The Man With the Iron Fists’ is the type of movie that feels like you are always coming in half-way through, even if you watch it from the beginning. As an exercise in genre, this is the highest compliment.” – Jordan Hoffman, Film.com

“As endearing as it is exhausting, The Man With the Iron Fists bears strong resemblance to a hyperactive puppy: sloppy, scatterbrained, manic and migraine-inducing, but possessing an earnest sense of excitement.” – Andrew Barker, Variety

Armchair Analysis: I don’t really care anymore what hipster troll critics like Kyle Smith keep regurgitating about popular movies for the sake of being edgy and fart-snifferous. It used to piss me off, but screw it. If you can’t enjoy a film that blends martial arts and hip hop, and was directed by a Wu-Tang Clan member, then I don’t want to know you exist anyway. So here’s how happy I am to see this movie: