So I was in the middle of pissing my pants laughing at this overly-earnest video from Lacrosse Playground (“Don’t Be a LAX Bro”) urging lacrosse bros to not be so bro-y — sample quote: “I love this game more than anything in the world. It’s been the most important thing in my life. (*points at netty stick thingy*) This is the key. This is the instrument. This is my paintbrush. You guys have an opportunity, and it starts in here. (*points at heart*)” — when all of a sudden, PETER DANTE SHOWS UP!
You may remember Peter Dante as Adam Sandler’s buddy who we last saw inexplicably donning different outfits, urging us to see Bucky Larson in a series of relentless TV spots on Comedy Central. He’s in virtually every Sandler movie and features prominently in Burnsy’s guide to Happy Madison. I didn’t know he was into lacrosse, but if I was any less surprised the news, my face would turn into an actual line-mouth emoticon :-|
DANTE: “We are all a brotherhood, we are all a family. We do not like the term ‘lacrosse bro.’ Lacrosse bro is a kid who is not respectful. A kid who’s mouthy, a kid who doesn’t listen, a kid who is an individual. You’re a part of that fraternal order because you’re a team.”
This is just… so, so perfect. I love the thought process behind this:
“Dang, bro, it’s mega lame that everyone thinks we’re a bunch of bros, bro! How can we fight against this harmful perception, bro?”
“Bro! I know! We’ll get that guy from all those Adam Sandler movies to come down and talk to kids about brotherhood and fraternity!”
Next, a series of titles helpfully lays out the Adrenaline Lacrosse three-point action plan:
- Goal 1: Raise money
- Goal 2: Awareness
- Goal 3: Impact
Ooh, good luck with that money-raising campaign. “Hmm, who should I give all this money to? Cancer kids? Legless kittens? Nah, I think the LAX Bros need help proving that not all of them are named ‘Trent.’”
I don’t take credit for a lot of things, but I’m pretty sure we here at FilmDrunk coined the term “existential buffoon” (Frotcast Brendan, I believe it was) and this video is one of the most existential-buffoon things I’ve ever seen. “You see this lacrosse stick, bro? This is my paintbrush. I’m like the Picasso of flicking a ball into a net.”
As a rugby player, we would never do anything this douchey. Or at least, we wouldn’t be doing it with helmets and sticks like a bunch of private school pussies. NOW SACK UP AND CHUG BEER OUT OF THIS SHOE! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG…
[a million thanks to Drew Magary for bringing this to my attention]
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Watch Peter Dante try to be serious about lacrosse and then go listen to Nick Swardson’s bit on Peter during the filming of Grandma’s Boy.
Can you toss out the link? I can’t find it.
As a disclaimer, I hate this bit, because it’s so self-congratulatory.
Is there a joke in there somewhere?
No, I figure he just had time to fill so he thought, “I know, since this is for an album, I’ll just mention my recent movie and get some applause.”
His Dante impression was pretty good.
Oh he nailed it. That’s for sure.
i don’t believe a fucking second of that story.
Bro, not cool bro. Need to give a spoilers alert, I just swallowed my dip.
I’m assuming this was Phase 2 after the failed attempt to cross-promote with the English Department “Prose Before Bros.”
This is far & away the funniest thing Happy Madison has ever been associated with (apologies to any butthurt fans of Nick Swardson or “Grandma’s Boy”)
There really is a cult following for that movie, and it’s not like “Evil Dead has a strong cult following”, it’s like “YOU DON’T LIKE GRANDMA’S BOY??? I’LL FUCKING KILL YOU!”
Really? I thought it was funny, but I certainly wouldn’t KILL anyone for disagreeing with me about it. Now the Paul Blart
moviesfilms are a different story altogether…YOU DON’T LIKE GRANDMA’S BOY??? I’M GOING TO WRITE ANGRY BLOG POST COMMENTS AT YOU!!1!
Yeah, I kind a liked Grandma’s Boy too. Though it probably helped that I went in assuming it’d be as funny as Holocaust footage.
I don’t hate it, but it’s one of those movies that makes people assume that I loved it and then they have to dissect why I didn’t love it, because “I thought it was funny” isn’t enough.
Perhaps it speaks to the non-confrontational ways of us wimpy Canucks, but anyone I’ve ever mentioned that movie to either hadn’t heard of it or gave the same “I thought it was funny” response & left it at that.
I’m on the same page as Vince, I went in with stupidly low expectations. That & the fact that movies with a monkey in them at least get a C from me
I could *swear* he said “This is my rape brush”
Bring it in… DATE RAPE ON THREE!
Is this real life?
I defer to those among you with better grammatical cred. Is this irony? As in “it’s ironic that the video advocating not acting like bros is filled with the biggest collection of bro-ey bros outside of a surf video”?
Should have said “more grammatical cred”. See? I don’t do words good.
Was that a LAX ho talking at the beginning?
The term is lacrosstitute, and yes, it was.
I’m not convinced anyone involved in that could even speak Algonquin.
The money they raise goes into the Duke LAX legalize rape fund.
Their kickstarter rewards probably scale from the bottom tier donator getting a windmill-high-five, to someone holding your ankles while you keg stand, to top tier donators getting to be one half of a prostitute eiffel tower.
Peter Dante is America’s BIGGEST BRO. Its how he made his money. That and being Sandler’s BFF.
i got a real Cobra Kai Dojo vibe off those speeches.
Show all the weird Japanese game-show footage you want, America still is the weirdest country of them all.
I’m honestly surprised at the lack of “FUCK YOU HATERZ” responses.
Peter Dante’s tanning bed is his actual bed, you know, when he’s not crushing tail on his California King waterbed!
Was it me or did they blame the popularity woes of lacrosse on the media? Lacrosse doesn’t get a bad rap because of bros, it gets a bad rap because it’s a “sport” made up entirely of white people!
Having a brother who currently plays college lacrosse, this hits close.
And after it hit me, said, “Don’t be a brah, fag.”
My favorite part was when he discouraged people from being individuals.
Why did they keep cutting out half of the catchphrase? It’s totally misleading.
As gay as your average math or French club kid while the yellow sun still shines, the Werebro’s trucker hat slowly but surely flips backwards as the pale moon rises. Night is where it’s at, Werebrothren. It’s when the Keystones are cold as ice, the babes are all showing it off and aching for it, and you can crank up the Dave as loud as the speakers will take you. In the words of the immortal dimecrusher Eddie Vedder, “You’ve got to hide your bro away”. Don’t waste it on the daylight, unless your shirt is popped off or someone dragged your couch outside or whatever.
Don’t be a bro. Be a Werebro.
We need a video of someone going to a Take Back the Night rally at any private liberal arts college to give a talk about how no really does mean yes.
Lacrosse is the even whiter version of hockey.
Thanks for ruining M83 and not even mentioning Archer, lacrosse.
Fuck all you