A side-by-side puberty diagram, if your health book was published in Hollywood
Robert Rodriguez started directing Alexa Vega in Spy Kids when she was 12 or 13, and now that she’s 24, he’s got her in a bikini and bedazzled chaps on the set of Machete Kills, which is set to open next spring. Now that I think about it, every director could use a kids’ movie franchise. It’s kind of like your farm team. I like that necklace too. It’s one of those “What? I-was-only-looking-at-your-necklace” necklaces. Anyway, I guess if you name your daughter “Alexa Vega,” you sort of expect her to end up in a metal bikini. Which in this case is functional, it keeps the ejected uzi cartridges from hitting her in the boobs. Important.
In the sequel, ex-federale Machete (Danny Trejo) is recruited by the U.S. government to stop an arms dealer (Mel Gibson) from launching a deadly missile. Michelle Rodriguez, Sofia Vergara, Amber Heard, Charlie Sheen, Lady Gaga, Antonio Banderas, Jessica Alba, Demian Bichir, Vanessa Hudgens, Cuba Gooding, Jr., William Sadler and Marko Zaror also star. [ComingSoon]
She’s like one Danny Trejo’s tattoos come to life, but younger. (full size pic below)
[RollingStone via ComingSoon]
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Silence that Uzi all you want, sweetheart. You’re still making a shit ton of noise looking like that.
Uzi? The guys over at imfdb would roll their eyes at that. I’m not far from a frown myself.
What uzi?
I’m just glad she also had time to style her hair between reloading the Uzi clips.
No Uzi in photo.
Butterface
She looks like Jax’s ex wife from SOA.
There’s a face???
Aunt Jemima is a butterface.
She seems to really like that outfit.
I like most that she’s 24 and already divorced.
I like that she is concerned about armpit odor.
I like her because tits.
her followers must have skyrocketed since this pic was released
Something in my shorts just skyrocketed.
Pretty easy for the Hollywood folk to get married then divorced young it seems.
Do people still say “Schwing”?
Yes.
New reason the human race is doomed: my day has been totally derailed by a pair of tits.
Is her necklace the Iron Cross? Congratulations mein fraulein, I guess.
Hubba hubba!Achtung!I support this reboot of Zardoz.
“Anyway, I guess if you name your daughter “Alexa Vega,” you sort of expect her to end up in a metal bikini.”
Someone named Alexa Vega sounds more like a porn actress to me. Or is that just me? Am I watching too much porn? Nah, who am I kidding, no one watches too much porn . . .
Same here…could’ve sworn there was a porn star by that name
I really hope the thing about not being able to watch too much porn is true.
I REEEALLLLY hope the soundtrack is full of her “music”.
Meh. She has an 18 year old sister that just graduated from Catholic school. Move over lady. There is a new tramp in town.
Im a horrible person…
At least you own it.
At least now we know what Joseph Gordon-Levitt will look like when he grows up. Hubba hubba!
That chick on the left is hot. Not sure why you got her up against young JGL in a wig, but whatevs.
Well I can now add Spy Kids to Addams Family, Beetlejuice, Who’s the Boss and all the other shows and movies where I have to keep reminding myself “don’t think of what this little girl grows up to” because I don’t want to daydream of a grown up hottie only to be looking at an image of her as a young girl.
Party of Five. Lacey Chabert. ‘Nuff said.
Easily a 6, maybe even a 7.
What my book presupposes is: what if all young women got fake tits?
I don’t think Ms. Vega’s tits are fake. What we see in the banner pic is a very good pushup bra.
In fact; they are organic; no pesticides.
your book must conclude that it would be a better world.
I literally shouted “HOLY SHIT” at that banner pic
The younger pic looks like Joseph Gordon-Levitt if he never cut his hair in 3rd Rock.
Some things you can’t unsee bro
A silencer on an Uzi?
It’s a Robert Rodriguez film. Just go with it.
Why don’t they just change the name of the franchise from ‘Machete’ to ‘The Mexpendables.’ They are so great to everybody who’s been in action movies who isn’t in Stallone’s films.