Fun “Cool Story, Bro” anecdote: I finally went to Las Vegas for the first time in my life, just a few months ago. It was horrible. I will probably never go back. If I want to get hammered and piss away my money at a casino, I’ll do it in New Orleans. But I say this not to poop on the city. No, I bring this up because Hollywood is full of lies, and every TV show and movie that is based around the idea that Vegas is a fun place is just wrong. It’s full of nasty, miserable people, who would shoot their own parents for one more chip. But at least my toilet at the Aria had a heated seat. Silver linings and whatnot.

So that brings us to the new promo still above, for the film Last Vegas, or as IMDB describes it:

Four best friends in their late-60′s decide to escape retirement and throw a Las Vegas bachelor party for the only one of them who has remained single.

First thing’s first: Nobody retires anymore. And if someone does retire, he probably did something that deserves our scorn. Sorry for being a pessimist, but it’s true. If I ever retire, it’s going to be because I sold organs on the black market. Actually, my dad is retired, but I’m convinced he’s CIA, so that’s a completely different story.

Now on to my main point: Do you know what would happen to four 60-something dudes who try to have a good time in Vegas? They’d probably be robbed and killed by a hooker and her pimp. But seriously, have you ever actually looked at a 60-something dude who is in Vegas? Anyone north of 50 in Vegas that is hanging out in a casino is trying desperately to escape a terrible life.

All that said, if you’re looking for a film about Viagra jokes that completely lies to you about Las Vegas and will probably have a tagline like “What happens in Vegas, greys in Vegas” then Last Vegas is the film for you.