There’s something oddly reassuring about Mr. Skin’s annual list of the best nude scenes. It’s like the flashing Drudge GIF sirens or coming across an archived website that you’re surprised is still active — it’s a reminder of the old Internet, when things were simpler and sexist, racist YouTube comments were left in the brain where they belong, and kids used to write letters and not listen to their skats kats, dagnabbit. Also: boobs.
So we’re happy to announce that Cornelius Q. Skin, IV has released this year’s winners, and that Heather Graham, who is to the Pervert Oscars as Meryl Streep is to the regular Oscars, is involved. Let’s see how many different ways Mr. Skin (Xipe Totec’s family is still pissed they didn’t trademark that name) can refer to lady parts.
1. Ashley Hinshaw in About Cherry
Beachy blonde Ashley Hinshaw started her showbiz career with a slew of skin free teen dramas, and then unveiled the ripe fruits on her chest for five topless scenes in About Cherry (2012). Now that’s how you pop your nudity cherry!2. Michelle Williams & Sarah Silverman in Take This Waltz
Sarah Silverman tickled a lot more than funny bones with her furry full frontal debut alongside Michelle Williams in Take This Waltz. The well-lit shower scene will provoke a one-handed tango.3. Sophie Rundle in Episodes
Sophie Rundle played Matt LeBlanc’s stalker on the Showtime series Episodes, but it’s inconceivable that anyone would want to get away from those huge, natural knockers.4. Helen Hunt in The Sessions
Girl-next-door Helen Hunt made her topless debut in The Waterdance (1992). 20 years later she proved she’s still got it with a spectacular full frontal reveal in The Surrogate (2012). We’re Mad About Pubes!5. Olivia Munn in Magic Mike
Olivia Munn nearly slipped her Munn-chables by us by getting naked for the first time in the male stripper movie Magic Mike (2012). Those mams are magical!6. Camilla Luddington in Californication
Camilla Luddington starred as the titular princess in Lifetime’s royal wedding movie, William & Kate (2011), but her skinny-dipping scene in Californication was her real crowing achievement.7. Ali Cobrin in American Reunion
We’ve been waiting for Ali Cobrin’s nude debut since she answered an American Reunion (2012) casting call that included “Please note upper frontal nudity is required”. The pastries on her chest were even better than we could have imagined.8. Jessica Marais in Magic City
Jessica Marais won us over with her spectacular T&A in the first episode of the Starz series Magic City, then really sealed the deal by getting nude in practically every episode afterwards.9. Sarah Power in Californication
Sarah Power’s colossal cans are so spectacular that when she made her nude debut on Californication, David Duchovny declared she should win a “Mr. Skin Award.” We agree.10. Kristen Stewart in On the Road
Kristen Stewart shot to fame in the teen vampire movie Twilight (2008), and then doffed her top to encourage a whole new beat generation in Jack Kerouac’s On the Road (2012). (Via)
“Mad About Pubes.” He truly is the wanking man’s Gene Shalit. Oh man, Shalit reviewing porn would probably be the best thing ever. “Beaver Hunt Video 6 was the best damn film in the series. I certainly WOOD go back and see it again.” Anyway, I know that Vince is upset that Nadine Velazquez from Flight didn’t make Mr. Skin’s cut (“A circumcision joke? I haven’t heard one of those since Foreskin Follies 4. It was a can’t bris,” says Porn Shalit), and I’d like to rationally scream that the forest threesome from The Loraxxx should have made the list.
I may be misremembering that movie. But seriously, no Game of Thrones? “Seeing Margaery Tyrell without her shirt on would make any half man stand at full attention.”
[Vince's Note: Josh, you ignorant slut, everyone knows Ros, aka Esme Bianco, had the best nude scenes in Game of Thrones.]
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Nadine Velazquez should have been #1.
Holy shit. I’m not sure anyone on earth can compete with Sophia Ruxin in the body department.
Never thought I’d see a body that made my jaw drop harder than Sofia Vergara’s does on a regular basis…..but Nadine’s is better.
Credit where credit’s due, the chick from Episodes and American Reunion were both well, WELL deserved.
Oh yeah. I didn’t see Episodes but damn….Ali has legendary….umm….Babas?
(Sorry, I’m not as “smooth” with the terrible jokes as Mr. Skin is….but Get it? Ali Baba? She gives me forty….umm….boners….Goddammit.)
A for effort, Buck.
Porn Shalit needs to be a real thing.
Dear God don’t look up Sarah Silverman in Take This Waltz, its not worth it to see all the other old, fat, and kinda lesbian looking ladies 0_o
Ack. Too late. She has the body of the Sea Monkey “Mom” from the comic book ads.
Sheeeyet, my favorite Game of Thrones nudity was none other than Natalia Tena as Osha, the surprisingly attractive herpes personification.
If only she had Hodored Hodor’s Hodor instead of releasing Theon’s kraken…
holy moly lol
There should be a film drunk / warming glow top nudity of the year post
I would rather bleach my eyes than see Helen Hunt naked. And Olivia Munn in Magic Mike was defiantly meh. However, the blonde chick from Episodes walked down mammary lane (see what I did there?) in Magic Mike, and that was good times.
I’d imagine Helen Hunt’s boyfriend could get a gig as a rockabilly drummer, since her flap-tits probably crack like snare drums each time she’s shimmied back and forth.
Vince I expect full GIFS of each of the mentioned scenes. Instead you make me do the hard work of using google and you call yourself a blogger.
Man, if it weren’t for these touchy-ass advertisers, I’d have them in smellovision.
Just save yourself the trouble and google ‘margaret cho nude.’ Sums up the list.
I bet the Dish Network spammers wouldn’t mind, Vince.
As a proud DISH subscriber I have access to all of these Oscar worthy scenes and more. Using the Blockbuster@Home service through DISH I can watch any of these movies from the comfort of my own Jack-Off couch. As the great Jack Nicholson said “Maybe because it’s always been so easy for me to get Blockbuster@Home, that I never understood jacking off in a theater.” Jack has been a long subscriber of dish and really don’t we all want to get as much sexual stimulation as Jack Nicholson.
As a long time subscriber to DISH I have access to all of these Oscar worthy scenes through Blockbuster@Home. I can watch these scenes whenever I want from the comfort of my own Jack-Off couch. As the great Jack Nicholson once said “Maybe because it’s always been so easy for me to get Blockbuster@Home, that I never understood jacking off in a theater.” And deep down don’t we all want to be as sexually stimulated as Jack Nicholson?
Sarah Silverman and Helen Hunt in the top 4. This is incorrect.
Best nip slip of 2012 definitely goes to those three frames of Alison Brie in the lingerie video with Gillian Jacobs.
” A whole new beat generation”
I always wanted a Game of Thrones spin off where Ros, everyone’s favorite non-book character added only to appease HBO’s CEO of Tits, travels in time from one classic novel to another, having gratuitous lesbian sex in the background of key scenes. Graphic lesbian finger banging could really “class up” Charles Dickens and Jane Austen, not to mention all those interminable Russian novels.
That’s it. I’m starting a dude-nudity tracking website. I’ll need a name to make it sound formal and classy… “Dutchess of Dong” it is.
I can vouch for Sophie Rundle and Camilla Luddington having been amazing.
Also, were there any Ros nude scenes in season 2? Seems like Ros was more of an administrator this time around.
Also, in what way is Heather Graham involved in this list? I don’t see her anywhere.
I thought the exact same thing. Where the hell is Heather Graham?
Also of note, how is pre-pubescent-boy-bodied Kristen Stewart on this list? If you want to see comparable tits all you need to do is go to the community pool during the summer and look at the boys…… That came out wrong…..
What is the world coming to? Jacktion mentions the goddamn Alison Brie nipslip and Uproxx doesn’t collapse under the weight of all its users fapping at once.
Anyway, here’s a shitty streaming video of Nadine Velasquez because I’m feeling generous and it took me like a minute to find it. Google gives you videos of the others like first hit, so shut the fuck up begging for more from Vince you selfish ingrates.
Mr. Skin fucking sucks, but hey, at least the list is a good excuse for Vince to blog about movie nudity so commenters can point out the good ones so that you little bastards who’ve grown up with Google can just search that shit instead of having every goddamn thing in life handed to you.
It must be nice for Ashley Hinshaw to constantly hear. “You play a very convincing porn star.”
I’d like to thank this fuckin post/thread for getting most of Uproxx banned from my work internet. Not KSK and its sexy friday but Film Drunk has the “pornography” blocking tag. Dammit.