That poor kid on the left just happened to be walking by.

Since I don’t watch American Idol or keep track of the 15 shows on network TV dedicated to karaoke, I knew One Direction mainly as that group of hair-farming milk babies from a Drew Brees commercial. Well if they look like a parody of boy bands from 10 years ago, that’s because they were assembled by Simon Cowell, during the original UK version of X-Factor a few years back. And now, following in the illustrious footsteps of Hannah Montana, the Jonas Brothers, Justin Bieber, and Katy Perry, they’ll be getting the 3D concert movie treatment, courtesy of Sony/Tristar and Morgan Spurlock.

Wait, what? The Morgan Spurlock from Supersize Me? The Morgan Spurlock who just last year directed a documentary about out-of-control product placement? I don’t like to make a habit of calling guys sellouts, but this definitely seems like something that rhymes with schmelling schmout. From the press release:

Sony Pictures announced today that it’s making a 3D film showcasing London-based global music sensation One Direction. Acclaimed documentary filmmaker Morgan Spurlock (Super Size Me) will direct the film, which TriStar Pictures will release on August 30, 2013 (Labor Day weekend).

“This is an incredible opportunity and an amazing moment in time for the band,” said director/producer Spurlock.  “To capture this journey and share it with audiences around the world will be an epic undertaking that I am proud to be a part of.”

Simon Cowell noted: “I’m delighted we’re making this film and Morgan is the perfect person to give that access-all-areas, behind-the-scenes look into what it’s like to be One Direction today. What the band have achieved is incredible, they and their fans have made history around the world – this is for them.”

Jesus, get it together, Spurlock. The only way to redeem this project would be to get one of these booger-babies addicted to heroin or framed for a murder.

One Direction – Niall Horan, Zayn Malik, Liam Payne, Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson – were discovered by Simon Cowell on the U.K.’s “The X Factor” in 2010. The band quickly gained a following to become one of the competition’s all-time most popular acts, finishing in the final three and garnering a gigantic and loyal fanbase along the way. In March 2012, One Direction’s debut album, “Up All Night,” made U.S. history, as it was the first time a U.K. group’s debut album entered the U.S. Billboard 200 chart at No. 1. The band has sold over 13 million records worldwide. Today, One Direction released their sophomore album, “Take Me Home,” which includes the No. 1 single, “Live While We’re Young.”

Quick, someone flashy-thing me. I need to forget those names immediately. Was one of them “Richie?” Okay, good, I think it worked.