
Okay, I can see how that might be depressing.
I don’t want to make light of a man’s death if he doesn’t deserve it, but in the abstract, this story about a homeless man drinking himself to death during Twilight is almost comically dark. This is like a real-life noir novella:
A 23-year-old quietly drank himself to death after sneaking into a screening of Twilight: Eclipse in Wellington.
Damian Anthony Smythe’s death was “a sad and tragic loss of life of a person so young”, Wellington [New Zealand] coroner Ian Smith said.
Mr Smythe was described in the coroner’s report as an unemployed man with no fixed abode.
CCTV footage of Mr Smythe showed on July 4 2010 [don't ask me why they're only reporting this now...] he snuck in to a 6pm screening of the vampire movie at Reading Cinema on Courtenay Place without paying for a ticket. He was alone at the time.
A woman who sat behind Mr Smythe said she had seen him drink at least half a bottle of Johnny Walker Red Label whiskey straight before slumping forward in his seat and snoring.
About five minutes before the movie ended, he fell silent.
He was found by cleaners who thought he was drunk and asleep, but was cold and blue in the face.
He had an empty one-litre bottle of whiskey beside him.
Ambulance staff were called and police alerted after it was clear Mr Smythe was dead.
Police records showed Mr Smythe was a transient person and was known to be an alcoholic with a police record of stealing from businesses and trespass.
Toxicology reports revealed no evidence of drugs but found a blood alcohol level of 569 milligrams per 100 millilitres of blood. [for a BAC of .569. You may recall that Professor X, aka Alexander Broughton, the Tennessee buttchugger from Pike, had a BAC "well over .40"] [Stuff.Co.NZ]
Jesus, man, that story was so dark Rorschach from Watchmen could’ve written it. But yeah, I can see how being a homeless dude from a broken home watching a bunch of perfect whitebread yuppies whine about their relationship problems from the comfort of their inexplicably palatial crate and barrel catalog homes while never working could drive a person to drink himself to death. Well, that, and living in New Zealand.



Theater management should have suspected something when they overheard exiting filmgoers gushing about ‘that guy doing a really good Kristen Stewart impression’.
Hang on, which shitty Twilight movie did this homeless person that nobody cares about drink himself to death at?
I knew those Twilight drinking games were trouble. If only the teetotaler Mormon messages could have had time to sink in. RIP
Fucking lightweight. If I wake up with less than a .4 BAC the hangover motivates me to kick my dog’s skull straight through her asshole.
Time to go operate some heavy machinery!
I thought James Bond drinking a Heineken was bad, but this is paid product placement run wild!
Twilight finally does some good for society.
Don’t we all kinda’ drink ourselves to death a little when we watch “Twilight” movies? He was just sitting a little too close to the screen. It would appear that the strain was more than he could bear.
Johnny Walker Dead Label.
But seriously, that stuff is swill.
No shit. You’d think homeless dudes who drink a full litre of scotch in a movie theatre would have very sophisticated palates.
Things To Do In New Zealand When You’re Dead.
This is the least DY-NO-MITE! thing to be associated with the man’s name….
Oh, Johnny….
Nic Cage is going to sue for copyright infringement.
The vamps have tons of money because they’re like 350 years old. Compound interest, man.
You don’t wont to make light of it but of course you will….
Pretty typical of your moronic articles.
“569 milligrams per 100 millilitres of blood”. Given a millilitre of alcohol ways only slightly less than 1 milligram his blood was his blood was apparently well over 500% alcohol. I know the metric system is hard with all those sensible, easily convertible numbers, but fuck New Zealand, you’re letting down the Commonwealth.
Must be why we beat them at rugby nearly half the time.
Your maths is off by a factor of a thousand. 1ml ~ 1g, not 1mg.
More maths, less rugby?
1 ml (DIHYDROGEN MONOXIDE) ~ 1 g
And people LOL @ ‘merican edjumacation