Apologies in advance if you’re an LSU fan and this is old news to you (I figured the boys at EDSBS would’ve known about this, and indeed he got a mention in last year’s Name of the Year bracket from NameoftheYear, eventually losing to deserving winner “Taco BM Monster”), but there’s an LSU defensive lineman named A’Trey-U Jones and I only just now found out about it (thanks, Larry). As you can imagine, this is an exciting day for me. An apostrophe AND a hyphen seems like an excessive amount of punctuation for one name, but presumably, he’s named for Atreyu, the Neverending Story’s warrior of the plains, who journeyed forth on the back of Falkor the Luckdragon in their courageous battles against The Nothing. I like to imagine A’Trey-U of Tickfaw taunts chop-blocking fullbacks with shouts of “COME FOR ME, GMORK!” in much the same fashion.

And I don’t want any whiteys acting superior in the comments section just because black folks give their kids crazy names. The owner of the 49ers (read, a rich white dude) just named his kid “Jaxon.” Yes, with an X.  Say what you will about crazy black names, “D’Brickashaw” is still a thousand times cooler than “Braden.” I’ll take excessively-punctuated, semi-obscure pop-culture homages over “cleverly” spelled alliterative fauntleroyisms any day.

[LSU]

Obviously, Key & Peele’s incredible College Bowl sketch deserves mentioning here.

COME FOR ME, GMORK!