After some kind of extended, viral marketing Easter Egg hunt that had fans trying to piece it together like a jigsaw puzzle, the final poster for The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2 – ostensibly the final Twilight movie – is finally online. Once again, I can’t hide my fascination with this phenomenon. Is that a vampire wearing… equestrian pants and a… double-breasted peacoat? Who knew vampires had the same stylist as the Jonas Brothers? You know how people are fascinated by steam punk and sci-fi stuff from the Eisenhower era, because it’s like this vision of the future as envisioned by people from the past? Twilight is kind of like that – an edgy, goth fairytale as envisioned by the blandest Mormon housewife in Blandsville, Mormon town, where everything is sparkling white, especially the bread. “And her name was ‘Beautiful Swan,’ and she always wore the hippest boots, like a modern-day Shania Twain, and everyone loved her, even the most dangerous vaguely-ethnic type in a tawdry v-neck… “
HALP, BALLA! TEH OTHER VAMPAHRS DON’T LAIK TEH BEBBE RENAZMEH! OTHER VAMPAHRS JALLUS. YEW GO GED LLAMA AND RUN THREW SNOW. BUT PUD ON YER COAT, TEH SNOW GIVE COLDZ.
Also, have you noticed that their faces are practically identical? The wolves are easier to tell apart. Here, I made a composite image:
IT’S THE SAME FACE WITH DIFFERENT HAIR! HOW DID THEY EVEN DO THAT?! In conclusion, this movie is going to be awesome because this:
[poster via ComingSoon]
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I hope the trailer and the TV commercials follow the same Baywatch-inspired “running in slo-mo” theme.
To complete the rip-off trifecta they can play Chariots of Fire music and have Six Million Dollar Man “sproing!” sound effects.
And we can watch absolutely nothing at all jiggle, b/c not a one of those kids has any body fat.
In the epic conclusion to this saga, Bella will have to overcome incredibly new challenges, including really messed up perspective.
Man, there’s gotta be, like, 51 shades of grey in that poster.
Take that, Buttplug Dragonqueef!
+1
Tom Cruise is gonna’ sue them for ripping off his signature move.
Is that wolf on the left supposed to be Chinese or Korean? I can never tell.
I imagine that poster is what it will look like from the front door of the Dutch Harbor Hot Topic the day this movie comes out.
I would happily pay $12 to sit and watch that .gif for 2 hours.
Better than Battleship
POV poster is fun. “OK everybody; first person to tag Anna the PA gets their character killed off in the script!”
If it’s half as funny as their last one, I will at least give my abs a good workout.
Sadly, you know this will increase the sale of equestrian-esque pants by about a billion.
I don’t know, I’m pretty sure they don’t make equestrian pants in size-overweight cat lady.
I’m with Evil Twin. If the horses wore pants, too, I could see the cross-over for the Twilight crowd.
You know how every generation looks at the kids today and thinks they’re idiots who have no hope and are much less equipped to deal with the real world? Well, this marks the first time that they’re actually right. Jesus Christ, this is actually a thing…..I just can’t understand.
“She’s wearing my scarf on her legs!” – Sarah Jessica Parker
That gif is amazing, shes not even jumping so much as getting violently jerked by her wire crew and they just didn’t do another take because why.
She was too busy discussing something with the Director in the car.
She’s auditioning for the Baltimore Raven’s defense
Back off everyone I am already marrying this gif.
HALP, BALLA! TEH OTHER VAMPAHRS DON’T LAIK TEH BEBBE RENAZMEH! OTHER VAMPAHRS JALLUS. YEW GO GED LLAMA AND RUN THREW SNOW. BUT PUD ON YER COAT, TEH SNOW GIVE COLDZ
The worst part of the Twilight saga coming to an end will be no more Edward Mancheeni.
And here I’ve been thinking teh snow give teh boom boom down.
Wasn’t that a Scritti Politti song?
And once again they don’t focus on the only redeemable thing about this whole stupid thing: Ashley Greene’s sweet, sweet ass.
In a lounge chair somewhere, an ironic tear rolls down McG’s face as he repeatedly views the “flying tackle Bella” gif.
I just want to know what the hell is Skeet Ulrich doing there. That is him on the far left, right?
Lots of times in recent years, I see something and go “hey is that Skeet Ulrich?” even though it’s been 20 years and no way he still looks that way, and it makes me wonder how pissed off he is that his career is buried and all these guys with his approximate talent and common facial features continue to get work.
switch the wolf with a casserole in that gif and you have 90% of Twilight fans.
I imagined it was a burlap sack of Cinnabons, and now I’ve got tears in my eyes
:-)
Oh God. I’m crying and shaking trying to hold in the laughter. If someone walks into my cube right now…I look like I suddenly remembered being molested as a child
OH! They’re running! I thought the diabetic leg-loss twist had finally started
sweepinghobbling across the nationI just realized that in the shitty cougar grab either they used two different plush cougars, or K-Stew’s stunt double is like a foot taller than she is.
I also happened to see some clip of Panic Room a few days ago somewhere. That is literally the only thing I know of where she showed any emotion other that her current indigestion face.
Everyone is just going derp in this photo except for the homeless man in the running along on the far left. He thinks they’re all running to score some meth.
Ah crap, guess there’s no way of editing this to fix my grammer. You win this time internet!
I genuinely love BD Part 1, no lie. It’s up there with The Room in terms of unintentional hilarity. Not to mention it has to set the record for Most Montages in a Single Film.
Those are the worst fake running poses I’ve ever seen, which is fitting since this will probably be the worst movie in history
The best part of letting my ex drag me to a midnight show of the first one (I said I was fucking sorry, jeez!) was all the dirty, hate-filled, nasty looks we got as we sat in the back and laughed hysterically at how shitty it was.
Nothing felt better than literally giving twi-hards the finger for glaring at us while we egregiously howled at K-Stew as she tried and failed to cross the uncanny valley.
There’s no excuse for being a dick in a cinema and ruining the screening for everyone else. Not even Twilight. Shame on you, Surly Badger.
Why are those people all just standing there on one foot looking stupid? There are wolves after you, ya morons! RUN!
Looks like they are dancing to the Twist. The Fat Boys/Chubby Checker version to be precise.
I’m still waiting for the Wes Anderson Tweelight spinoff.
Bella is a precocious wunderkind who suffers from lexilalia and often quotes French philosopher, Jean-Paul Sartre, due to her verbal tic. Edward is a perspicacious hypochondriac, obsessed with 1930s jazz, and the works of Duke Ellington in particular. Convinced he is suffering from hyperaldosteronism, he constantly monitors his potassium levels with a homemade blood testing kit made out of a safety pin and a bendable straw. Lastly, Jacob is a brooding ascetic who has dedicated his life to the study of Śaivism, and has just returned from a pilgrimage to Kathmandu. Often overcome by an intense urge to self-enucleate, he chain-smokes Benson & Hedges cigarettes and whittles soap sculptures of his step-mother, who he is desperately in love with, in order to suppress it.
Dear Wes,
MAKE THIS! All will be forgiven for Life Aquatic.
Thanks,
Fast
You need to watch Life Aquatic again. It grows on you.
Just seeing that block of text makes me want to punch the next person I see wearing a scarf. And where I’m at, that will be in about five seconds.
Quick! Lightly jog for your life!
This movie is all CGI right? That’s what the poster is telling me. Like Toy Story but with less realistic characters.