If you don’t know who Michael Schiavello is, he’s an obnoxious Australian kickboxing/MMA announcer who’s been trying to make his “goodnight Irene!” catchphrase happen for at least half a decade now. More recently, he’s displayed a talent for interview, hosting the HDNet show The Voice Versus. The guest for his next show is Steven Seagal, and the promo just hit the web over the weekend. At first I was planning to wait for the full episode, because I figured, how much goodness could they possibly pack into a 30-second promo? Then I watched it and quickly realized what an idiot I was. After all these years, how could I still underestimate Steven Seagal??! I feel just like those guys who wouldn’t tell him why Richie did Bobby Lupo.
Schiavello: Who’s the most legitimate Hollywood tough guy? Jean-Claude Van Damme?
Seagal: …Can I laugh in your face?Seagal: I’ve forgotten more techniques than most people have learned.
Schiavello: Have you ever been shot?
Seagal: Yes.Schiavello: Are you always armed?
Seagal: Yes.Schiavello: Are you still as fast as you were 10 years ago?
Seagal: Maybe faster.
I doubt Steven Seagal is really faster than he was 10 years ago, but in fairness, that’s a tough question to ask a guy who famously keeps track of neither space nor time. “10 years ago? That’s ridiculous, 10 years ago I was a little baby.”
I just hope the full interview addresses the elephant in the room: “where do you find the sleeveless kimonos you wear while ripping tasty blues licks?”
“Wait, did you ask if I’ve been shot? No, of course not. I’m sorry, I thought you asked if I’d shat.”
[thanks to Fightlinker for the heads up]
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I just had a unique physiological response to this post.
Tell me about it. I couldn’t get up from my desk for two hours.
Nardwuar the Human Serviette needs to interview Seagal – pronto.
Seagal would just claim he came up with “doot doola doot doo”
Judging by his current weight, Steven Seagal is Hard to Fill.
He used to be The Slimmer Man, is what I’m saying.
You saying he’s got a Spare Tire Down Below?
Half Past his Target Weight
Belly of the Beast. I didn’t even have to change that one.
Marked for Ham?
Above the Lawful Weight Limit for an Elevator
Out for Snacks
“Maybe fatter.”
“Are you armed right now?”
“No, but I am winged.”
*pulls giant bucket of fried chicken from behind chair*
He’ll always be armed, no matter what diabetes may do to other parts of his body.
Heres a song for all you haters that hide behind your computer and constantly get on these kind of sites and post negative remarks about someone you dont even know. Get a life. [www.youtube.com] (staind )
Actually, we all do know Steven Seagal. He was in the room for each and every one of our births. Steven Seagal invented the technique of reaching into a woman and pulling out a baby. Here is a song explaining it. [www.youtube.com]