Ugh, Kailey was the worst prom date ever.

When it comes to his career as a writer and director of horror films, Rob Zombie has received his fair share of both positive and negative reviews. But somewhere in my brain, there’s a 16-year old loser watching Beavis and Butthead rave about White Zombie’s “Thunder Kiss 65”, so I’m always going to be fond of the 47-year old purveyor of the macabre. Also, The Devil’s Rejects was pretty great.

Fortunately, Zombie is back to making his unique brand of horror films – as opposed to studio retreads like Halloween – with The Lords of Salem, which takes us back to the era of heavy metal as a link to Satan, or the good old days, as I call it. A new teaser trailer for Lords has hit the web and it looks… freaky as all hell. It has witches being burned at the stake, freaks licking babies and a hot girl riding a ram.

Basically, it was made by Rob Zombie.

As for the actual plot of this spectacular mess, I’ll let IMDB user UHM explain it:

Heidi, a blond rock chick, DJs at a local radio station, and together with the two Hermans (Whitey and Munster) forms part of the “Big H Radio Team.” A mysterious wooden box containing a vinyl record arrives for Heidi, a gift of the Lords. She assumes it’s a rock band on a mission to spread their word. As Heidi and Whitey play the Lords’ record, it starts to play backwards, and Heidi experiences a flashback to a past trauma. Later, Whitey plays the Lords’ record, dubbing them the Lords of Salem, and to his surprise, the record plays normally and is a massive hit with his listeners. The arrival of another wooden box from the Lords presents the Big H team with free tickets, posters and records to host a gig in Salem. Soon, Heidi and her cohorts are far from the rock spectacle they’re expecting. The original Lords of Salem are returning and they’re out for blood.

Sounds pretty rad, bros and broettes. *goes back to listening to One Direction*