Yesterday, I posted Liam Neeson’s memorable appearance on Sportscenter where he admitted not knowing anything about football, swore, and instantly made the whole show look silly just by being his candid and honest self. Well it turns out, Liam Neeson should be on TV at all times, because after Sportscenter, he did a remote for Dan LeBatard‘s show where he revealed that he used to be a teacher, and told the story of how he once punched out a kid who pulled a knife on him. He probably just pretended that punk kid was a wolf.
(Neeson, asked what his hardest non-acting job was)
“I tried to be a teacher for two years, many years ago. That’s probably the most difficult job I’ve ever tried to master.“I found it impossible to teach 12, 13-year-old boys and girls.
“A kid pulled a knife on me once, during teacher training. He was a big guy too, he was about 15 years of age. So… I had to punch him, you know? And then I was reprimanded for it.
“This particular kid, he didn’t want to settle down, he wanted to disrupt the whole class, you know? So I went over to him and I asked him to leave the classroom, and the next thing, he pulled a knife on me, you know? And my immediate reaction was to punch him. Which I shouldn’t have done, but… I felt threatened, so I punched him.”
I love his action-hero logic. “Dude had a knife, what choice did I have but to punch him in the face?” Gee, I don’t know, there’s always backing down so as not to get stabbed, then saying really mean stuff about the kid after he walks away. That’s probably what I would’ve done. But not Liam Neeson, who’s basically a thoughtful, reflective version of the Notre Dame mascot.
“What I doy hahve is a particular set of skills, skills acquoired durin a loifetoime a dalin wit cheeky little coants. Skills dat make me a noightmare fer wortless fookers like ye. Noy put yer coant dukes up, ya coant!”
(exchange starts at about 1:55. Thanks to Matt M for the tip)
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So in Ireland kids only bring knives to school? How quaint.
What if it’s a Gatling Knife?
Pull a knife on a jedi? That little baktag is lucky Neeson didn’t lightbatleth off his nards! FLIPENDO!
He’s the one that invited Jar Jar along. This child is a hero.
YOU TAKE THAT BACK!
#TeamStabNeeson
OH FUCK HE’S IN MY APARTME-
Also it’s hilarious that Liam keeps calling this guy David, when his name is Dan.
But Dan isn’t going to be like “It’s Dan, not David, Liam.” He’s gonna be like, “Attention everybody, I only answer to David now.”
Fact: Liam Neeson calls everyone David.
I smell a “Substitute” movie in the makings!!!
A movie with Statham and Neeson would be like the Legion of Doom/Road Warriors of movies.
(Also, Neeson has solid fucking sci fi credentials, he was in Krull for Kahless’ sake! KRULL!)
Krull! I haven’t thought about that movie in, like, 20 years. That movie was the tits! Or, at least, 13 year old me certainly thought so. I have no idea how well it holds up, but I think I need to find out.
That kid went on to play Spud in Trainspotting.
He punches wolves and children? Liam Neeson is a Lannister.
Liam Neeson is like Irish Chuck Norris, minus the sucking in real life.
Oh no, this won’t do. Someone needs to summon Russell Crowe to ESPN so we can get a Neeson/Crowe Battle Royale. Neeson is totally infringing on Crowe’s gimmick.
“Oy cunts! Foightin ’round da woild me an’ Neeson is. Where’s me tuggah?”
A real Irishman would’ve said “And my immediate reaction was to punch him, but it was all in good fun.”
I have never met a kid that didn’t deserve a punch in the face. Never. And I say this as a father of three.
This man with a pro-punk punching agenda is the only man truly fit to be the American President.
Your Liam Neeson fake quotes are the best. By far my favorite FilmDrunk impersonation so to speak.
Man, old LeBatard is getting FAT
The way his head just kinda expands out of his collar…looks like Mr. Mackey. Or a balloon.
“What I doy hahve is a particular set of skills, skills acquoired durin a loifetoime a dalin wit cheeky little coants. Skills dat make me a noightmare fer wortless fookers like ye. Noy put yer coant dukes up, ya coant!”
That is exactly what every Irish person I’ve ever met talks like. But to be fair, I run in fairly alcoholic circles.
This sounds about right to me. Limited experience set, but here it goes. Irish family just moved into the neighborhood. 6 Kids ranging in age from 17 to 3. The youngest boy, 5, a full day Kindergartner, was converted to half days for two weeks because he was too wound up for the full day class. Yesterday as I was fixing the bike chain on my daughters bike, he and his sister were watching. My daughter had her bike helmet on. He decided to tell us how lame the US was cause here we tried to make him wear a helmet but back in Ireland, he doesn’t have to.
Dear Liam Neeson, please punch Sam Worthington in the face next. You’ll be officially absolved of all wrongdoing ever. Sincerely, everyone who sat through that insipid Clash of the Titans remake. PS: Darkman was a work of art.