Joaquin Phoenix played a gas-huffing, window-licking, pervert in The Master, the kind of performance Academy voters love – kinda, but not totally retarded, exactly the way blackface Robert Downey described it. Plus, you can’t fake that harelip and weird shoulder. But Joaquin let it be known in a recent interview with Interview magazine that he don’t need no steenkeen awards, ése.

Phoenix, the star of the Weinstein Co. awards contender The Master, responded to a question by Elvis Mitchell by saying that the awards circuit is “total, utter bullshit, and I don’t want to be a part of it.”

“I don’t believe in it,” Phoenix continued. “It’s a carrot, but it’s the worst-tasting carrot I’ve ever tasted in my whole life.”

“…And take it from ol’ J-Walk, I’ve put some pretty stinky carrots in my mouth over the years, I don’t have to tell you ha ha ha, HEY! Who likes pussy?”

“…I don’t want this carrot. It’s totally subjective. Pitting people against each other … It’s the stupidest thing in the whole world.”
“It was one of the most uncomfortable periods of my life when Walk the Line was going through all the awards stuff and all that,” said Phoenix, who did take home a Golden Globe for Best Actor for his performance in the biopic.
“I never want to have that experience again. I don’t know how to explain it — and it’s not like I’m in this place where I think I’m just above it — but I just don’t ever want to get comfortable with that part of things.” [hollywoodreporter]

The Oscars has basically become a parody of itself, awarding the movies that look like parodies of Oscar movies – The King’s Speech, The Iron Lady, Precious – and you don’t win any money for it (or else Cuba Gooding wouldn’t be hanging out with snow dogs), so why should Joaquin give a sh*t? The studio has an incentive to campaign for Oscars, but for the individual actor who’s already secure in his/her talent, there isn’t much of one. I don’t know if this will affect his chances one way or another, but if the Academy continues down this path of awarding unintentional parody, Joaquin seems like the perfect choice. Check out the Tropic Thunder speech and tell me it doesn’t describe Freddy Quell in The Master perfectly.

Check it out. Dustin Hoffman, ‘Rain Man,’ look retarded, act retarded, not retarded. Counted toothpicks, cheated cards. Autistic, sho’. Not retarded. You know Tom Hanks, ‘Forrest Gump.’ Slow, yes. Retarded, maybe. Braces on his legs. But he charmed the pants off Nixon and he won a ping-pong competition. That ain’t retarded. He was a goddamn war hero! How many retarded war heroes you know?

Peter Sellers, “Being There.” Infantile, yes. Retarded, no. You went full retard, man. Never go full retard. You don’t buy that? Ask Sean Penn, 2001, “I Am Sam.” Remember? Went full retard, went home empty handed…

Playin’ a guy who ain’t smart, but thinks he is, that’s tricky.

Joaquin Phoenix – drank paint thinner, kissed windows, farted on boats, but he charmed the shirts off all the ladies and spent half the movie crushin’ poontang! How many retarded ladies’ men you know? You might see one in a fancy hat. Juvenile, yes. Perverted, sure. Not retarded.